C2C reading for 1-22 focuses on "Detachment ". Since this is such a powerful tool in Al-Anon there are many pages devoted to explaining the process.
This one suggests that we look at "detachment" in the following way. For example if see someone asleep on the floor, instead of waking them up and helping them into bed, we simply cover them with a blanket and go to sleep ourselves. This is detachment with love, love for the person who is struggling with the disease and love for ourselves.
The quote is from Al-Anon Family Treatment Tool ; "detachment is not isolation nor should it remain focused on not enabling the sick behavior of the past. Detachment is not a wall, it is a bridge across which the Al-Anon member may begin a new approach to life and relationships."
That sounds a bit complicated but I have found it is true. If I stay within my own life, minding my own business and taking care of my issues. I am better able to be kind, compassionate to others
andromeda said
Jan 22, 2016
Thank You Betty for sharing this. Detachment is something I struggled with for years in program. I first had to detach and it was more an angry detachment, then I detached with indifference, and then it became detaching with love. It was a process. I think a lot of folks who are new to the program struggle with detachment because they think it is like flipping a switch. 'Just detach" we tell them, but it's not that easy.
I had to work the steps to find a followable path through my detachment. It was not easy but along the way I found compassion and grace and strength. God has been good to me and my al anon program has led me to a self love that could only come with recovery, detachment, acceptance, grace, and peace.
Iamhere said
Jan 22, 2016
Great reading today and thanks for the ESH above me! I too had to learn detachment in phases and with trial and error. I still have to consciously practice it - it is not a natural action/reaction for me. The gift of pause in my program is so powerful as my qualifiers often are in a reactive state approaching me with a chaotic urgency that I don't embrace as I used to. So, being able to pause and think before I answer helps me with consistency in my detaching from the disease vs. the person.
Detachment for me was very necessary and at times a physical 'break' esp. when I first arrived. My sponsor suggested that if I could not detach with Love that detaching with indifference/silence was better than staying enmeshed. I've learned to be better and do better by working the program, the steps and pulling in tools as needed.
Thank you Betty for your service!! Happy Friday to one and all!
Freetime said
Jan 22, 2016
I can really relate to this topic, and thank-you to all who have offered explanations. I also was frustrated initially that I could not simply detach without anger. It's a powerful thought that detachment is a journey, and it is OK to be at various stages along the way. My sponsor said, "Be gentle with yourself." And I think this is what she meant -- to accept that it was normal to be at the stage where I was.
Jerry F said
Jan 22, 2016
I too am grateful l for the lessons from the program on detachment and how it has evolved to today. One of the metaphors I have used in this practice is standing back and away from the situation so that I can see it more broadly and then be able to make better decisions about what I could and would do if anything. In early program some one asked me if your nose was right up against the picture how much of it would you be able to see? My response was very very little to which she said "if you back away from it can you see more"? Yes. C2C was a good morning read here in Hilo also. ((((hugs))))
missmeliss said
Jan 25, 2016
Just saw this and, Jerry, I love this analogy of backing away from the picture so as to see more of it. That's a keeper!! Thanks!!
luv123 said
Jan 22, 2017
So appreciate the past shares on today's page in C2C daily reader. There is so much wisdom here on detachment. Not much more to add other than a funny story I heard someone say "the only detachment I was interested in as a newbie was maybe...detaching the A's head from his body--lol". The anger was so uncerstandable but thankfully temporary on the journey to letting go and allowing HP to work HIs magic with what was His business in my A's life. It was never my business to begin with, but coming to terms with that was a spiraling upward process. Learning to say things like "I love u...AND I cannot do that for you this time" or I love u but will only support your recovery and this would be supporting your disease" --these were gentle detachment words and the mind followed eventually...or at times just simply No as a complete sentence and not feeling the need to (JADE) justify argue defend or explain my own right to a choice in something. It involves so much UNLEARNING for me and reminders like pausing are so helpful---thanks!!
The quote is from Al-Anon Family Treatment Tool ; "detachment is not isolation nor should it remain focused on not enabling the sick behavior of the past. Detachment is not a wall, it is a bridge across which the Al-Anon member may begin a new approach to life and relationships."
That sounds a bit complicated but I have found it is true. If I stay within my own life, minding my own business and taking care of my issues. I am better able to be kind, compassionate to others
I had to work the steps to find a followable path through my detachment. It was not easy but along the way I found compassion and grace and strength. God has been good to me and my al anon program has led me to a self love that could only come with recovery, detachment, acceptance, grace, and peace.
Detachment for me was very necessary and at times a physical 'break' esp. when I first arrived. My sponsor suggested that if I could not detach with Love that detaching with indifference/silence was better than staying enmeshed. I've learned to be better and do better by working the program, the steps and pulling in tools as needed.
Thank you Betty for your service!! Happy Friday to one and all!
I can really relate to this topic, and thank-you to all who have offered explanations. I also was frustrated initially that I could not simply detach without anger. It's a powerful thought that detachment is a journey, and it is OK to be at various stages along the way. My sponsor said, "Be gentle with yourself." And I think this is what she meant -- to accept that it was normal to be at the stage where I was.
I too am grateful l for the lessons from the program on detachment and how it has evolved to today. One of the metaphors I have used in this practice is standing back and away from the situation so that I can see it more broadly and then be able to make better decisions about what I could and would do if anything. In early program some one asked me if your nose was right up against the picture how much of it would you be able to see? My response was very very little to which she said "if you back away from it can you see more"? Yes. C2C was a good morning read here in Hilo also. ((((hugs))))