Again, thank you all for your replies and the warm welcome. After reading a few posts and realising I wasn't alone and that my case wasn't much different than anyone else living with an A, I decided that I do belong in here. I needed a place to relate, a place where I knew I wouldn't be judge or TOLD what to do which would be the case with friends and family. I decided to look into Al-Anon a little more in depth since I really have no clue what it really is all about other than a refuge for those who live or has lived with an A. I know for a fact that my A's drinking is a problem....although he has drank less than usual the last 2 days, and not sure why, I know that his normal 12 beers plus a day will return. I think he sees how upset I get and tries to smooth things down for his next little "party". Or, maybe the prayers are working but God can only do so much; the rest is up to him. I did take someone's suggestion here and asked him if he could stop drinking for me for 2 weeks...His answer : "yes, but I can stop anytime but I don't want to" I left it at that. Since I started reading posts here and writing my own posts, i feel much better and I came to the conclusion that I can't do nothing about our problem. Yes, WE have a problem; I know NOW! Will I stay with him....for now, yes. Forever, maybe. I love him and he doesn't deserve to be deserted because of his disease. I am a Christian and I believe that God can perform miracles....in time.  In the meantime, I will stay in touch with Al-Anon and read and try to understand that I can't change him unless HE wants to change and that I am not alone. I will try to encourage him and see him through this but without forgetting myself. Am I wrong? God never gave hope on us...I owe Him that much...

Alexandrite, So glad that you felt that you belonged ! Welcome. As for are you right or wrong. As long as you can find serenity in your life, I don't think there is a right or wrong. I'm seriously considering seperating from my wife, but I very much respect those that can stay and still find their own place and way. I have a little different perspective on HP being able to do so much that works for me. I think anything is possible, but I think maybe our HP doesn't intervene until your we decide that we are willing to accept it. And again like you stated, it's all in HP's time. It sounds like you are off to a great start in Alanon. Bob

I am glad that you are going to be here for you. Whether you stay or leave is immaterial you still need suppport and understanding and to have a place to go for you.

Maresie.

Alexandrite--

Good for you!  Keep coming around! I do too believe that God and do everything, but I also believe that we (the person with the problem to be fixed) has to be willing to accept that help and do whatever it takes.  My a has a hard time picking up that phone when he gets the urge to use.  One day he told me, well I prayed about it, but God didn't stop me.  I asked--did you have a phone number of your sponsor or someone else.  He said yes,  I said don't you think God could have worked through one of them if you let him?

It's so hard someimes to sit back and wait for them to see that their lives would be so much better if they just stopped drinking/drugging.  I have the hardest time with that!!!  That's why I keep coming here.  It makes me feel better and know I'm not alone.

Good luck to you

Dawn