I thought my son was my ally against alcohol but I have recently found out that he is a drinker, too, just like his stepmom. Now I am realizing I am alone in the struggle. Not just alone, but devasted with two "A's" in my immediate family circle. My son has been stealing from me -- anything and everything from money to alcohol. He has been exploiting me and the very difficult situation I am in at this particular time in my life when I have actually allowed myself to be open with him, to be vulnerable. He is my only child. Right now I wish I never had him. I am ashamed for feeling this way, but I am also sick to death of being used. I alwyas tried to live in an honest way. I just want to walk away from both of them forever.

((((((YNOT))))))

I am so sorry you are hurting.   You are in the right place.  I too have been hurt by the lies told to me by the A's in my family.  I also feel alone in the struggle.  F2F meetings help me the most.  I have made many friends who support me.  Who I can talk to when I am feeling lost or alone.

 

You are in the right place.  Keep coming back.

 

Julia

Welcome. It is perfectly natural for one to want to get away from that, which is causing them pain. I am glad you came here. We all at one time or another have desires that we know we cannot do. Well i guess you could leave, it is an option. There is another that we in alanon stive to learn and that is to love our A's as is, not trying to control them. We have to learn to take care of ourselves. Hide money and our prescriptions, pay our own bills, always have our own incomes, don't depend on anyone else for happiness or support. Getting Them Sober is a great book, in paperback.It will help you understand. I did not see where ya told the age of your son? please keep coming. love,debilyn

Welcome (((YKnot)))

I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling. Please keep coming back.

Jennifer

 

Debilyn: He will be 20 on July 23rd. Thanks for the suggested reading. I am more digusted by the two of them today than yesterday, and I didn't think it could get worse. Now I think its going to get a lot worse.

Y: I think alcoholics stories can plateau and then reach other levels of dysfunction. My younger sister was a terrible drunk, looked awful, unable to work everything. Then she married a man and they have children. Now she is a closet alcoholic, looks good but below the surface there is a lot of chaos but it is all carefully stage managed.

I know I can get that impending doom feeling a lot around an A because they always seem to be on the edge of falling off. The funny thing is most of them are very very proficient at getting back up. They are socially adept on so many levels. My A can charm the birds from the trees and his lies are incredible and he makes me look bad very easily.

I have had to learn to detach from them and seek support elsewhere. You will find that support, acceptance, understanding and non judgment here and you will learn that you can behave differently.  It is easy to think in terms of leaving them all behind but rather hard to do in person there is a lot to it.  Of course you do have the option of cutting them out of your life but not many people can do that overnight.  I hope you will come here and stick around and learn how to take care of you for a while.

Maresie.

 

Hi Yknot, When we were having problems with out A- son then 21... It helped me to remember that he was sick! I would look at him and think he is still the good looking innocent kid but inside there was a monster going on...butttttttt- I loved him unconditonally, although sometimes we were even scared of him and it was very difficult!!!! ..It is so hard when it is your child.. it is heartbreaking for sure.. Atleast mine admitted to his problem, cleaned up his act and is doing very well now..A completely different person from what he was just a year ago.. Hubby is a drinker but will never admit he has a problem....I give my son credit for being brave and admitting addiction and coming clean.. I am so proud him..So there is hope although right now there may seem to be no light at the end of the tunnel! Pm me if you would like Take care of yourself!! Pam~~