I fee like over the last several months I've been hit by blow after blow regarding my relationships. Grantes, these were clearly not the right men for me, but it's hard for me to not take things personally. My first inclination is to think "Why not me? What's wrong with me?" No, I realize that I'm not really the issue, or more lik my higher power is protecting me from myself.
The latest blow came just a few minutes ago. Last year my ex dumped me for another woman. In September they moved in together. And just now I read something where he refered to her as his Mrs.
I guess I just have a hard time separating from my past relationship with him.
marmare said
Jan 18, 2006
I think as we grow and learn more about ourselves we then expect more out of relationships in general. Hang in there! Believe in yourself! Don't give up! Do something nice for yourself!
Hugs Mary
Emafer said
Jan 18, 2006
Thanks Mary,
I think this is what one of my dear alanon friends would call an AFGO: another xxxx growth opportunity.
-- Edited by canadianguy on Wednesday 18th of March 2009 01:52:14 PM
mollyann said
Jan 18, 2006
Emafer,
I can relate to AFGO! Are you dating someone right now? Sorry, it has probably been in one of your previous posts, just can't remember.
My last boyfriend, an A, broke up with me when I told him I was attending Al Anon meetings. Nice.
I have a hard time separating from the past relationships too. None of the guys would be right for me, but why not me, why is some other girl right for them.
Ugh. Someone who is right is out there. I just met a great guy, but its really new so I don't want to get too excited.
MollyAnn
rosie light shines said
Jan 18, 2006
YOU______but it's hard for me to not take things personally. My first inclination is to think "Why not me? What's wrong with me?" No, I realize that I'm not really the issue, or more lik my higher power is protecting me from myself. The latest blow came just a few minutes ago. Last year my ex dumped me for another woman. In September they moved in together. And just now I read something where he refered to her as his Mrs.i guess I just have a hard time separating from my past relationship with him.
ROSIE_____ what i did, when i got into recovery...is make a LIST of all my "men" marriages/ serious/ not so serious, but still involved..all the FAILED relationships.......and i listed all their traits....good/ bad...and what happened in the relationships...how i FELT in those relationships...what i was LOOKING for.......and i said ..."ok this is what i am attracted to" and by doing that i found that i was attracted to guys who were emotionally UNavailable to me/ or the "can't haves" becuz in my childhood i had NOONE who was emotionally available to me and THIS time i was going to "Get it right"....i kept repeating my pain cuz thats all i KNEW!!!! my comfort zone so to speak...AND my low self esteem, needing to "fix" people....i picked the "fixer uppers" all the time........SO, in recovery, i swore OFF men....married the program, adn NOW as i do my step 4 throgh 9 i am seeing what i had to fix with ME...work on for / about ME....and the first thing on my list..........LOVE me...ACCEPT me.........look to ME for all the stuff i was robbed of, me and my hp, cuz NOONE is going to satisfy my unmet needs/wants but ME.......life throws us the same lesson/ man until we LEARN what it is aobut US that puts us in this place/relationship...................take what works, and dump the rest/ rosie
maresie said
Jan 18, 2006
Emafer: i practice something called manufactured apathy. I manufacture apathy about people who I was involved with. I do have an issue called love addiction which means I attach way way way too quickly and have a hard time letting go. I let go easier now on friendships than I ever did. If someone can't respect my boundaries I am off. How are you on friendships do you have friends who you have nuturing and good relationships with. I think one of the reasons I attached quickly was to offset a lot of loneliness and fear.
So when I let go of various relationships I manufacture apathy. I do not look out for news of that person. I try to set a distance as much as I can and try not to think about them too much.
Maresie.
Emafer said
Jan 19, 2006
Actually I have really healthy and wonderful friendship with people who love and care about me and understand give and take. Most ofm y friends are people I've known for 10 or more years. Since I moved a year ago I've made some really strong ties with a great group of women. They have really been there for me as I've been going through crap and they are always there to support me. I feel really really lucky to have the friends that I have. When I feel that an accuanintence doen't really have my interest at heart then I'm fairly quick to kind of cut myself off from them.
With romance, it's harder for me.
However, I did find out today the my very very very recent ex who I stopped talking to 2 weeks ago is now sleeping with someone else. And I can honestly say that I don't care. I'm not hurt by it and I'm not taking it personally.
maresie said
Jan 19, 2006
Emafer: I am glad that you are able to have good relationships and initiate strong ties in a group. I work on that a lot. I am not so good at ending relationships when my interests are not in there. I am not good at reading the signposts (that is my boundaries not being honored). I am not good at setting limits either. I get better at it though because I have had to after several bottoms.
I fee like over the last several months I've been hit by blow after blow regarding my relationships. Grantes, these were clearly not the right men for me, but it's hard for me to not take things personally. My first inclination is to think "Why not me? What's wrong with me?" No, I realize that I'm not really the issue, or more lik my higher power is protecting me from myself.
The latest blow came just a few minutes ago. Last year my ex dumped me for another woman. In September they moved in together. And just now I read something where he refered to her as his Mrs.
I guess I just have a hard time separating from my past relationship with him.
I think as we grow and learn more about ourselves we then expect more out of relationships in general. Hang in there! Believe in yourself! Don't give up! Do something nice for yourself!
Hugs Mary
Thanks Mary,
I think this is what one of my dear alanon friends would call an AFGO: another xxxx growth opportunity.
-- Edited by canadianguy on Wednesday 18th of March 2009 01:52:14 PM
Emafer,
I can relate to AFGO! Are you dating someone right now? Sorry, it has probably been in one of your previous posts, just can't remember.
My last boyfriend, an A, broke up with me when I told him I was attending Al Anon meetings. Nice.
I have a hard time separating from the past relationships too. None of the guys would be right for me, but why not me, why is some other girl right for them.
Ugh. Someone who is right is out there. I just met a great guy, but its really new so I don't want to get too excited.
MollyAnn
YOU______but it's hard for me to not take things personally. My first inclination is to think "Why not me? What's wrong with me?" No, I realize that I'm not really the issue, or more lik my higher power is protecting me from myself. The latest blow came just a few minutes ago. Last year my ex dumped me for another woman. In September they moved in together. And just now I read something where he refered to her as his Mrs.i guess I just have a hard time separating from my past relationship with him.
ROSIE_____ what i did, when i got into recovery...is make a LIST of all my "men" marriages/ serious/ not so serious, but still involved..all the FAILED relationships.......and i listed all their traits....good/ bad...and what happened in the relationships...how i FELT in those relationships...what i was LOOKING for.......and i said ..."ok this is what i am attracted to" and by doing that i found that i was attracted to guys who were emotionally UNavailable to me/ or the "can't haves" becuz in my childhood i had NOONE who was emotionally available to me and THIS time i was going to "Get it right"....i kept repeating my pain cuz thats all i KNEW!!!! my comfort zone so to speak...AND my low self esteem, needing to "fix" people....i picked the "fixer uppers" all the time........SO, in recovery, i swore OFF men....married the program, adn NOW as i do my step 4 throgh 9 i am seeing what i had to fix with ME...work on for / about ME....and the first thing on my list..........LOVE me...ACCEPT me.........look to ME for all the stuff i was robbed of, me and my hp, cuz NOONE is going to satisfy my unmet needs/wants but ME.......life throws us the same lesson/ man until we LEARN what it is aobut US that puts us in this place/relationship...................take what works, and dump the rest/ rosie
Actually I have really healthy and wonderful friendship with people who love and care about me and understand give and take. Most ofm y friends are people I've known for 10 or more years. Since I moved a year ago I've made some really strong ties with a great group of women. They have really been there for me as I've been going through crap and they are always there to support me. I feel really really lucky to have the friends that I have. When I feel that an accuanintence doen't really have my interest at heart then I'm fairly quick to kind of cut myself off from them.
With romance, it's harder for me.
However, I did find out today the my very very very recent ex who I stopped talking to 2 weeks ago is now sleeping with someone else. And I can honestly say that I don't care. I'm not hurt by it and I'm not taking it personally.
Emafer: I am glad that you are able to have good relationships and initiate strong ties in a group. I work on that a lot. I am not so good at ending relationships when my interests are not in there. I am not good at reading the signposts (that is my boundaries not being honored). I am not good at setting limits either. I get better at it though because I have had to after several bottoms.
Maresie.