I am getting better. Today I was confortable on the internet but he wanted to go to his friends house and show he friend how to do some cooking. I am lucky he does cook. However while we were walking in the house he ask me when will he be able to have his key back and it was not right that I wouldn't let him have. So now I am a little nervous that if I let him drive with me in the car he wouldn't give it back. That is just great. More stress. Well any way I said no, but walked into this friends house with tension. Which suck. I already feel uncomfortable with these people (past experience) but they are nice when you are with them. So he is punishing me for not letting him have the key. I took it away in Nov election day. Well he is still drinking why would I want him to drive my car and crash it, or something like that. Or kill someone or it get taking.
just me said
Jan 17, 2006
NYCBT,
No way would I give an active A a key to anything. Stand your ground! I know it is uncomfortable but it is what you want to happen with your car.
Great job watching out for yourself and your things!
Julia
KathyS said
Jan 17, 2006
I made this mistake years ago. I gave my active A the keys to my car. It was the first car I ever financed all on my own and I loved it. I was very proud that I always made all my payments on time. Well he ended up crashing it into a tree........a complete total. I was devastated. I held onto that resentment toward him for a long time. Actually until I worked the forth step and looked at my part in it. *I* gave him the keys. An active addict who was high at the time. Who's fault was it my car got totalled? It was mine.
Glad you made a good decision and looked out for yourself by not giving him the keys. You ARE getting better!
maresie said
Jan 18, 2006
As you know I have a huge issue with the A over a truck. I wish I had never entered into it with him. It gets no better and I have to overturn huge obstacles to move out of this dependency/codependency stuff. I am sorely resentful over it. I know that the A takes full advantage of it and he would never permit me to get away with what he gets away with.
I feel like I reached a real rescue bottom with the A about the truck stuff. He crashed it this past year and it is still not repaired the front bumper is hanging off.
The other day he accused me of doing something to one of his cars(which are all non functional of course) and I was so furious that he would try to turn the tables on me. He is very very very very good at sliding the boundary. I must say an expert probably because he grew up in a family of addicts.
I am no longer as people pleasing and adept to pick up the envelope. Things do change. I am sorry you are so challenged all the time. I find the warden stuff absolutely exhaustig I must say.
I also must say that if a friend now puts me in the warden chair. I just say you know I already have one of these no thanks.
NYCBT,
No way would I give an active A a key to anything. Stand your ground! I know it is uncomfortable but it is what you want to happen with your car.
Great job watching out for yourself and your things!
Julia
I made this mistake years ago. I gave my active A the keys to my car. It was the first car I ever financed all on my own and I loved it. I was very proud that I always made all my payments on time. Well he ended up crashing it into a tree........a complete total. I was devastated. I held onto that resentment toward him for a long time. Actually until I worked the forth step and looked at my part in it. *I* gave him the keys. An active addict who was high at the time. Who's fault was it my car got totalled? It was mine.
Glad you made a good decision and looked out for yourself by not giving him the keys. You ARE getting better!
As you know I have a huge issue with the A over a truck. I wish I had never entered into it with him. It gets no better and I have to overturn huge obstacles to move out of this dependency/codependency stuff. I am sorely resentful over it. I know that the A takes full advantage of it and he would never permit me to get away with what he gets away with.
I feel like I reached a real rescue bottom with the A about the truck stuff. He crashed it this past year and it is still not repaired the front bumper is hanging off.
The other day he accused me of doing something to one of his cars(which are all non functional of course) and I was so furious that he would try to turn the tables on me. He is very very very very good at sliding the boundary. I must say an expert probably because he grew up in a family of addicts.
I am no longer as people pleasing and adept to pick up the envelope. Things do change. I am sorry you are so challenged all the time. I find the warden stuff absolutely exhaustig I must say.
I also must say that if a friend now puts me in the warden chair. I just say you know I already have one of these no thanks.
Maresie