Okay, we've all made it past the holiday season, and if you're like me, you are suffering from the January blahs.... Maybe it's time to post "round two" of some good old fashioned recovery jokes!! Please feel free to add to the list, and/or to laugh out loud!
Tom
If an alcholic says something in the forest and there's no al-anon there to hear him, is he still wrong?
Drinking buddies of an alcoholic who died are at his funeral. As two of his friends pass by the open casket, one remarks to the other, "Sam looks pretty good in death" "He ought to", rejoined the other, "he hasn't had a drink in three days!"
I bet you thought I was going to give you some quotes from the Grapevine,...right? Wrong! "Heard it through the Grapevine" just sounded so catchy I knew it would grab your attention. We've all heard them. Those little gems that are accidents at the moment they are spoken but somehow hold a sacred truth of their own. Those short phrases that are so suddenly enlightening. Here's some of my favorites. Send me some of yours!
"Believing in God is easier than coming up with bail money!"
Our leaders are but trusted serpents.
Our leaders are but twisted servents.
Came to believe that our wifes had become unmanagable.
"Please help me start this meeting with a moment of violence, followed by the serenity prayer!!"
Sought through prayer and medication to improve our concious contact with GOD.
Came to believe that a powder greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
...and c) that God could and would if he were sober.
...give us 90 days and if you don't like it your misery will be promtly refunded
We have friend who after listening to an inspirational speaker went to the speaker after the meeting to voice his appreciation and with a slip of the tongue said, "I want to SPANK you for speaking."
In describing ones feelings prior to recovery, one said, "I had a huge gut in my hole!"
Thoroughly have we seen a person fail who has rarely followed our path.
...and the result was nil until we let go of the Absolut.
...lest problems of money, puberty, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
Made a searching and fearful moral inventory of ourselves.
That feeling of usefulness and self-pity will disappear.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or their mothers.
God could and would if he wore socks!
Rarely have we seen a person who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do, recover!
We are like men who have lost their legs . . . we never have to buy a pair of shoes again.
God Grant Me the Serenity... To Accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know who's different.
Did you hear there's a new 12-step program for people who talk too much?
It's called on-and-on-anon.
W hat's the difference between an addict & an alcoholic?
Either will steal your wallet, but the addict will spend all night helping you look for it.
Do you know the difference between a terrorist and an alanon?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
You know your an addict when your personal story won't fit on your brand new computer with an 80 gig hard drive!
Okay.... there are a few.... anyone else??
Tom Meetings, Meetings, Meetings!! What's the difference between an Al-Anon and a pit bull?
Meetings, Meetings, Meetings!!
kitty said
Jan 17, 2006
((((( Tom ))))))
you are too funny! Needed a good chuckle today, can't even pick out my favorite!
love, -K
I wish I had some gems like that in my head! PLEASE if anyone has more... post your heart out!
bobump said
Jan 17, 2006
More of an AA and NA slant but still funny.
http://www.recoverycartoons.com/html/fav2003/literature.html
Click thru a few for some good chuckles.
Bob
Dolphin123 said
Jan 17, 2006
Tom,
How did you know? I was having a bad start to my night, but I needed a good laugh, the one about the addict helping you look for your wallet just got me rolling,because it is so true, thanks for the much needed release.
Much Love,
just me said
Jan 17, 2006
I only have heard a couple more...
How many alanon members does it take to screw in a light bulb? None...they will all sit back and watch it screw itself.
I like alanon because I can pick up a drink as long as I don't pick up a drunk!
That is all I got....
Julia
Karilynn said
Jan 18, 2006
Silly, silly man! Thanks for the humor.
Live strong,
Karilynn
Okay, we've all made it past the holiday season, and if you're like me, you are suffering from the January blahs.... Maybe it's time to post "round two" of some good old fashioned recovery jokes!! Please feel free to add to the list, and/or to laugh out loud!
Tom
If an alcholic says something in the forest and there's no al-anon there to hear him, is he still wrong?
Drinking buddies of an alcoholic who died are at his funeral. As two of his friends pass by the open casket, one remarks to the other, "Sam looks pretty good in death" "He ought to", rejoined the other, "he hasn't had a drink in three days!"
I bet you thought I was going to give you some quotes from the Grapevine,...right? Wrong! "Heard it through the Grapevine" just sounded so catchy I knew it would grab your attention.
We've all heard them. Those little gems that are accidents at the moment they are spoken but somehow hold a sacred truth of their own. Those short phrases that are so suddenly enlightening. Here's some of my favorites. Send me some of yours!
To Accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom to know who's different.
Did you hear there's a new 12-step program for people who talk too much?
It's called on-and-on-anon.
W hat's the difference between an addict & an alcoholic?
Either will steal your wallet, but the addict will spend all night helping you look for it.
Do you know the difference between a terrorist and an alanon?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
You know your an addict when your personal story won't fit on your brand new computer with an 80 gig hard drive!
Okay.... there are a few.... anyone else??
Tom
Meetings, Meetings, Meetings!! What's the difference between an Al-Anon and a pit bull?
Meetings, Meetings, Meetings!!
((((( Tom ))))))
you are too funny! Needed a good chuckle today, can't even pick out my favorite!
love, -K
I wish I had some gems like that in my head! PLEASE if anyone has more... post your heart out!
Tom,
How did you know? I was having a bad start to my night, but I needed a good laugh, the one about the addict helping you look for your wallet just got me rolling,because it is so true, thanks for the much needed release.
Much Love,
I only have heard a couple more...
How many alanon members does it take to screw in a light bulb? None...they will all sit back and watch it screw itself.
I like alanon because I can pick up a drink as long as I don't pick up a drunk!
That is all I got....
Julia
Those were great Tom!! I needed to laugh.
Julie