I haven't been here a lot recently and have missed all of you and the board. First let me tell you that my A is still clean & sober! The grumpiness has worn off and he is being more attentive.
My second son was home on leave with his family and they left yesterday to go back to AZ. It was a sad day and the house is quite quiet now. The older two grandchildren took to me and my A right away, sitting with us in the living room, hugging, and telling us they love us. We built a gingerbread house! Played board games! And played and tickled in our bed on the weekends! Papa taught the 3 yr old how to shell pistachios! It was wonderful. They had never met us before and my Daughter in-law said they were not like this with their real father's family nor are they like this with her family. They are 3 and 6, they cried when they were leaving yesterday, the 3 yr old refused to step off the porch and they had to carry her to the car. We won't see the baby, 5 months old, again until she is walking) It was so very sad.
So the whole reason I am tell you this is because I realized yesterday that the skills I have been learning with Alanon also are helping me with more then just my A. I realized that I need to feel my feelings, admit them if need be. My A and I stayed busy around the house after the kids left, didn't really talk much, he made me lunch, I cleaned up some more Christmas stuff (we had left it up for the grandkids) but last night as we lay in bed, he leaned over and asked....."How is granny doing?" I said "not good" through the rush of tears, he asked me why, and I told him my greatest fear, my son going to Iraq. I felt the fear, the sadness of missing the kids I just met over a week ago, the intense love I have for my family and felt better for it. Years ago I would have kept the brave face, been tough, and walked around with that horrible lump in my throat, thinking I could handle everything if I just didn't talk about it. I wanted to share with all of you that by feeling my feelings, I can deal with them. Please include my son and family in your prayers, his assignment is for 6 months.
Hugs Mary
rosie light shines said
Jan 16, 2006
marmare wrote: How is granny doing?" I said "not good" through the rush of tears, he asked me why, and I told him my greatest fear, my son going to Iraq. I felt the fear, the sadness of missing the kids I just met over a week ago, the intense love I have for my family and felt better for it. Years ago I would have kept the brave face, been tough, and walked around with that horrible lump in my throat, thinking I could handle everything if I just didn't talk about it. I wanted to share with all of you that by feeling my feelings, I can deal with them. Please include my son and family in your prayers, his assignment is for 6 months. Hugs Mary
mary, good 4 U...showing your feelings....allowing the emotions.....and yes, prayers for U and ur son.....may he come back home SAFE!!!! keep up the gr8 work/ rosie
Jeannie said
Jan 16, 2006
(((((Mary))))))
I'm glad you had a wonderful visit. You are doing great sharing your feelings.
I will pray for your sons safety.
Thank you for raising such a fine young man, who is doing his part for all of us.
love jeannie
danz123 said
Jan 16, 2006
(((((Mary)))))
Your post really touched me. I couldn't help but see HP at work. What a blessing that you were able to make this connection with your new grandchildren. How wonderful that you have a new family to help you get through your son's deployment. You can talk to the kids on the phone and send and receive pictures. I am praying for you and your family.
hugs,
danz
nmike said
Jan 16, 2006
Hi Mary,
Miss you posts. Thanks for the update. I look forward to having grandchildren someday. Enjoy your time with your husband. In this disease we have so much to deal with but with the tools of Alanon we have hope and a focus.
My oldest son has been in Iraq for a month. This is his 3rd tour of duty - he is 22 years old. Oh, a mother's heartache. This time around though he is able to communicate more frequently and has more conveniences (shower, email, gym). I use my Alanon skills even in dealing with this. I hope that they all return safely. Bless your son and family. My A husband and I are not living together. Even though he is a veteran I think that he is not very capable of dealing with our son being in harm's way. I pretty much talk about my son at Alanon meetings and with friends. E-mail me if you need support.
In support,
Nancy
Dolphin123 said
Jan 17, 2006
((((((((((((((MARY)))))))))))))),
We have missed you here.
I am so glad that you had an enjoyable time with your family.
Isn't it great when we can see the alanon tools we have picked up working in our lives? For me that is when I can see my own progress.
Look forward to chatting with you.
Much Love,
kitty said
Jan 17, 2006
what a beautiful story.... Thanks for sharing.
I agree w/ u feeling your feelings is how to deal with them, as they come up naturally. Emotions are energy in motion, stuffing them just makes u sick.
hugs, keep up the good work,
love, -K
notsonew1111 said
Jan 18, 2006
i sent you and your family prayers before you even asked. good to see you back :)
I haven't been here a lot recently and have missed all of you and the board. First let me tell you that my A is still clean & sober! The grumpiness has worn off and he is being more attentive.
My second son was home on leave with his family and they left yesterday to go back to AZ. It was a sad day and the house is quite quiet now. The older two grandchildren took to me and my A right away, sitting with us in the living room, hugging, and telling us they love us. We built a gingerbread house! Played board games! And played and tickled in our bed on the weekends! Papa taught the 3 yr old how to shell pistachios! It was wonderful. They had never met us before and my Daughter in-law said they were not like this with their real father's family nor are they like this with her family. They are 3 and 6, they cried when they were leaving yesterday, the 3 yr old refused to step off the porch and they had to carry her to the car. We won't see the baby, 5 months old, again until she is walking) It was so very sad.
So the whole reason I am tell you this is because I realized yesterday that the skills I have been learning with Alanon also are helping me with more then just my A. I realized that I need to feel my feelings, admit them if need be. My A and I stayed busy around the house after the kids left, didn't really talk much, he made me lunch, I cleaned up some more Christmas stuff (we had left it up for the grandkids) but last night as we lay in bed, he leaned over and asked....."How is granny doing?" I said "not good" through the rush of tears, he asked me why, and I told him my greatest fear, my son going to Iraq. I felt the fear, the sadness of missing the kids I just met over a week ago, the intense love I have for my family and felt better for it. Years ago I would have kept the brave face, been tough, and walked around with that horrible lump in my throat, thinking I could handle everything if I just didn't talk about it. I wanted to share with all of you that by feeling my feelings, I can deal with them. Please include my son and family in your prayers, his assignment is for 6 months.
Hugs Mary
mary, good 4 U...showing your feelings....allowing the emotions.....and yes, prayers for U and ur son.....may he come back home SAFE!!!! keep up the gr8 work/ rosie
(((((Mary))))))
I'm glad you had a wonderful visit. You are doing great sharing your feelings.
I will pray for your sons safety.
Thank you for raising such a fine young man, who is doing his part for all of us.
love jeannie
(((((Mary)))))
Your post really touched me. I couldn't help but see HP at work. What a blessing that you were able to make this connection with your new grandchildren. How wonderful that you have a new family to help you get through your son's deployment. You can talk to the kids on the phone and send and receive pictures. I am praying for you and your family.
hugs,
danz
Hi Mary,
Miss you posts. Thanks for the update. I look forward to having grandchildren someday. Enjoy your time with your husband. In this disease we have so much to deal with but with the tools of Alanon we have hope and a focus.
My oldest son has been in Iraq for a month. This is his 3rd tour of duty - he is 22 years old. Oh, a mother's heartache. This time around though he is able to communicate more frequently and has more conveniences (shower, email, gym). I use my Alanon skills even in dealing with this. I hope that they all return safely. Bless your son and family. My A husband and I are not living together. Even though he is a veteran I think that he is not very capable of dealing with our son being in harm's way. I pretty much talk about my son at Alanon meetings and with friends. E-mail me if you need support.
In support,
Nancy
((((((((((((((MARY)))))))))))))),
We have missed you here.
I am so glad that you had an enjoyable time with your family.
Isn't it great when we can see the alanon tools we have picked up working in our lives? For me that is when I can see my own progress.
Look forward to chatting with you.
Much Love,
what a beautiful story.... Thanks for sharing.
I agree w/ u feeling your feelings is how to deal with them, as they come up naturally. Emotions are energy in motion, stuffing them just makes u sick.
hugs, keep up the good work,
love, -K