Hey guys-hope all is well

I have been very busy getting ready for school to start, getting my kids set in daycare, and filing for divorce.  things have been quiet since my husband is in jail.  But I am stressing out at times because of my children and all of the changes, financial issues,etc. going on. And it gets overwhelming sometimes, ya know?

On Friday, my son's teacher told me my son was eating paper(????????) and she felt like she had to sit on him all day to get him to listen.  He has been very wound up at home too.  Just talking a lot and doing things like kicking and throwing things, which he normally doesn't do.  And he does not want to talk to his Dad on the phone and says he hates him for being dumb and going to jail.

My daughter has been okay except she wants to go visit him (go figure, becuz she was always hating him when he was around) and I don't want to.  My MIL will take her I suppose.  At least she can talk about her feelings a little more than my son.  He's five and she's eight. 

I told my son's teacher that there were family changes at home but maybe I should fill her in a little more so she can understand why he may be acting out.  It SUCKS becuz he was doing so well and I don't want to see him end up messed up or labelled a problem.  And now when they need me the most I am going to be busy!!

Has anyone dealt with school issues and their kids?  Should I tell the teacher?  Help if you can  or help me deal with it with alanon tools. Thanks

hi Browneyes,

I'm not up to date with everything on this board. (will do some reading after I post this).

You mentioned that you don't want your son labeled.  I just want to say that it can be a good thing.  He will have an IEP every year, which helps focus on HIM & his education.

That's all.

Take care,

Christine

 

I have four sons, although two are grown and moved out, I always let the schools know what was going on.  Like, when my father passed away, when their father and I seperated and divorced, when their father came out, when I re-married, when their step brother died, and most recently let the 14 yr old's school know that one of the older boys is being deployed to Iraq.  It doesn't excuse their behavior but changes in our lives, even as adults cause behavior changes.  I have always found that teachers and counselors can be more understanding and supportive if they know what's going on.  Hang in there.

Hugs Mary

Hi,

Children do react to the changes and things that are going on in our lives. I have always let my childrens teachers know what was going on at home.

I have found they are more understanding of the way he or she is behaving and can suggest counseling when needed.

                             Love Jeannie

Hi, big changes happening! I too would let the school know what's up, with one caution. It's late enough in the year for you to have some sense of how professional your son's teacher is. If she is not very professional, use some discretion as to what you say. Most teachers will really come through for a kid who is having trouble at home, but there are some who will let their own attitudes and prejudices colour their response to the child. You probably have an idea as to what kind she is, by now. I find, working with kids, that it is very easy to tell which kids are going through something big at home - I have never yet been surprised by news of a divorce, for instance. Instead it's more of a "OK, so THAT'S what it is". A good teacher will cut your kid a little slack just now, if she knows that there is pressure at home. I just wanted to say something quick about the paper eating - I have found that sometimes when we let a parent know that something is going on with their kid, they get a kind of "hunted" look in the eye - "Oh, no, I'm expected to deal with this, and don't know what to do!" Most likely, she was just keeping you up to date, and doesn't really expect any action from you about this. After all, though it can be a kind of acting out, it's a pretty harmless one. If she's a good teacher, she is not BLAMING you for this, or expecting anything from you about it.

Julie,

I know in my area that there are people in the schools that help out the children who may be having a difficult time with some are of their lives. I believe they are called interventionists, but I am not really sure if that is there title. I have some friends that volunteer as tutors at the schools here and they have told me about some of the resources that the local schools have. If you are comfortable talking to your son's teacher, then do so. She may be able to help you find resources for your son.

Much Love,

Have you considered maybe getting them into some counseling to help them adjust to the changes going on right now?  Kids tend to blame themselves and we don't even realize it.  In their little minds they tend to think if only I had behaved better, or did better in school or whatever.......this wouldn't be happening.  Maybe reassure them that what's going on right now has nothing to do with them.  Explain that sometimes adults go through things that are hard to understand, but that both you and their dad love them very much.  Something along those lines maybe.

From my experience I wouldn't share too many personal details with the school.  They can get TOO involved in your personal life sometimes, if you know what i mean.  I think it would suffice to say that you are going through some family issues and major changes at home and that you believe this is the reason for your sons acting out.  Let them know you are aware of the changes in your sons behavior and are on top of it.  Maybe he could even see the school guidance counselor?  Just some suggestions......

Thanks to you all -all good advice and points....

My love to you all-thanks for being here

Julie