A friend who was a co-worker and a member of AA told me I needed to go to alanon. I didnt understand how alanon could possibly help  my situation, She said my spouse's drinking wasnt my problem, I insisted it was. If my spouse stopped drinking, that would solve all my problems. (Does this sound familiar?, it sure does to me)

My friend suggested that my problem was my inability to accept my spouse's drinking. She went on to say that "alanon could help me work on myself, but it wasnt a place to learn learn how to fix my spouse or to get him to stop drinking. I had difficulty accepting the possibility that I needed to work on myself. That wasnt what I wanted to hear!

I did begin attending alanon meetings and found people who were in similiar situations to mine, They shared how they coped with the problems of alcoholism in their lives and how alanon's 12 steps and 12 traditions helped them.

Soon  I realized I had choices. I had lots of them. I could choose to be happy or not.   I could choose to hang onto my serenity without allowing others to ruin my serenity.  It was okay to hate the disease of alcoholism, but I could choose to detach with love from the alcoholic. I could also choose to get off the emotional merry go round I had been on for so many years while living with an alcoholic. Thank you alanon for giving me choices!!

This is from the monthly alanon magazine called the Forum. It mirrored my life and probably many of yours,thought I would share..................gardengal

Gardengal,

Thanks for this forum post! I've been in Alanon 5 months now, and just recently have had the same realization that I have choices. How wonderful! Now, I enjoy thinking about what my choices are in my life, and really CHOOSING what I want to do.

BlueCloud

gardengal wrote:

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 Soon  I realized I had choices. I had lots of them. I could choose to be happy or not.   I could choose to hang onto my serenity without allowing others to ruin my serenity.  It was okay to hate the disease of alcoholism, but I could choose to detach with love from the alcoholic. I could also choose to get off the emotional merry go round I had been on for so many years while living with an alcoholic. Thank you alanon for giving me choices!! This is from the monthly alanon magazine called the Forum. It mirrored my life and probably many of yours,thought I would share..................gardengal

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yep, and once i accepted that i could CHOOSE to be happy/ miserable, etc....i became FREE!!!    the slogan "let it begin with me"   sure resonates with me....when i even  THINK of getting out of my business and into someone elses?? i STOP....work the program.......

acceptance does not mean i love/ condone the behaviour, all it means,  (and i think this is why folks have dificulty w/acceptance..becuz they think it is  acqueiscense or agreeing with)  it is NOT...all it is is  "ok, THIS is the facts....how can i take care of ME....as i LIVE and let live"?????  once i was able to see it that way...i can  **accept** the things i could not accept.....all it means is  "seeing it for WHAT it really is... NO denial"   and once i am out of denial??? i can  take ACTION>>>> peace / rosie

 

Thank u for sharing as you know I live with an active alcohlic/drug addict. It was a good reminder on what Alanon is that it is not here to fix my a which like everyone we want to do.