Sorry to dump this all here ... fact is if I dump it here some good may come of it anywhere else will make a mess.
Stinky #1 Made the appointment to put my dog to sleep on Sat, it is best for him and me. I trust HP to take care of everything. I am sad and it is draining my energy.
Stinky #2 Dreading coming home and finding my sober? dry? depressed? whatever this state should be called A on the couch again for 3 days until it is time to go to work again. My expectations/hope of having him share a little of the work around home and maybe to talk to one another about anything are interfering with being grateful that he is alive, has a job, and seems to be not using. The frustration I have about his not wanting to help himself whether it is taking care of his sore tooth or maintaining his brain waters or taking steps for personal growth are pointless. I keep giving each new burst of it to my HP, but there must be ALOT buried deep that keeps rising up.
Stinky #3 I feel guilty that I am not happier when I read some of others experiences. My life is not that bad, hasn't been as hard as some others. Thanks HP.
Stinky #4 Beating myself up because I am having loads of trouble with the detach with love aspect, I am detached but I can't seem to say I love you, or be close, or feel much at all for my A. Probably not helping the whole #2 stinky at all either.
That's the stink that is boiling over this morning. Any ESH or comments are always appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read.
Jennifer
just me said
Jan 12, 2006
Jennifer,
Gosh it must be so hard not to scream at him to get up and help! Your stink is all bottled up inside because you are dealing with the effects of this horrid disease. I applaud your ability to dump it here instead of on his head! Me...I get angry and impossible. I hate the A's and I want to torture them because of all the pain I feel inside. I too am tired of being the little red hen. I want to crawl into bed and pull the blankets over my head. My HP sent me my baby girl to keep me from losing it! She is my life line. My reason for hanging on and for working my steps and doing everything I can to make sure she is not as adversely affected by her father's drinking as I was by mine.
Thanks for letting me dump!
Julia
bobump said
Jan 12, 2006
Jennifer,
Sorry to hear about your dog. Just remember that he is a member of your family and you do need to allow yourself to grieve. It's ok to have feelings {{Jennifer}}
Ah the A. It is frustrating. My A was dry for 3 or 4 years. But she was 'sick' for most of them and pretty much was in bed. We threw out the old matress and there was a dent on her side. I couldn't help but laugh. I have alot of pent up resentments from all the past years. I can't let go of them, maybe I'm not ready. For now, I'm content to not add to my pile of resentments. It's the best I can do. The program has so far helped me in that regard and I hope that the steps will help me w/ the other.
Your affected by someones drinking or addiction. You belong. There is no litmus test that you had to suffer through a calimity of a certain proportion. Maybe you found the program before it got that bad and it's helping you? I learn a great deal from others ESH whether than living in the trenches of an active A, recovery or even acoa's who have never been with an active or bad situation since the've moved out. If we can grow through your ESH, don't feel bad that it's not as bad as anyone elses. You own your life and your experiences. Again, it's ok to have feelings about them.
I'm having trouble w/ detachment lately and esepcially w/ love myself. I recently read in Codependent No More, if you can't detach with love, it might be better for your own good to just detach. So as selfish as it may seem to my little codie me, my detachment is good for me. Maybe not for my A but right now, I gotta put my own oxygen mask on.
Hope that didn't ramble too long, lol
Bob
hudsond said
Jan 12, 2006
Bob said a lot of good stuff. He is right, where you are when you come here is good enough!!! You don't have to have gone through as much as anyone else--Each of us is unique in our exact specific trials, but the feelings are pretty much the same and you can learn things that could prevent worse things from happening to you and your family, or just learn to feel good and thankful about what you experienced (like o.k. if so and so went through _____(fill in blank with something horrible you have not experienced) then I with the help of my HP who loves me can make it threw this.
I sometimes feel guilty too because I haven't experienced some of what others have, but maybe I found this place so I wouldn't have to. Maybe my HP knew I really couldn't handle that at all. I don't know why, I'm just glad I have someplace to come where people understand.
Good luck,
Dawn
mebjk said
Jan 12, 2006
Thanks for your honesty in your sharing your thoughts, jennifer. We can take it!
Good luck and prayers as you deal with this difficult time.
mebjk
Jennifer said
Jan 13, 2006
Hello Julia, Bob, Dawn, Mebjk & all,
Thank you for your replies.
Julia, My worst part is trying not to scream about helping himself. I gave up trying to force the helping out around the house long ago. No children, just pets. So I have a little bit of freedom to play around with the housework stuff, the only one it will bother is me. Makes for a messy house, but I decided better that than a bitter mean ME running around with a rag and broom chasing everyone. ~laugh~
Bob, you can keep right on rambling as long as you want. I needed to hear all of it. Thank you. I had to laugh after reading your post when I went downstairs and sat on the couch in my As normal spot ... those dents must be contagious. I kinda plopped myself on it to test and WOW 4 puffy cushions ... then BOOM 2 that form a pit. And sure enough my first thought was I should rearrang the cushions, and nope I didn't ... he can keep the security pit and I will keep my puffy ones.
Dawn, I understand what you mean. I don't really feel guilty I haven't experienced things. It's more that I have a situation that would make some people happy because it is off and on not a constant turmoil. Other times I envy the peoplle in situations where at least there is a routine, this not knowing when or what and hoping and then shock when I see the signs could drive anyone batty. Maybe it is one of those things where if a person has curly hair they want it straight or if they have straight they want it curly, on a much STRANGER level. Either way my job is to be as happy as I can be with what I have or else go make myself happy.
Hello everyone,
Sorry to dump this all here ... fact is if I dump it here some good may come of it anywhere else will make a mess.
Stinky #1 Made the appointment to put my dog to sleep on Sat, it is best for him and me. I trust HP to take care of everything. I am sad and it is draining my energy.
Stinky #2 Dreading coming home and finding my sober? dry? depressed? whatever this state should be called A on the couch again for 3 days until it is time to go to work again. My expectations/hope of having him share a little of the work around home and maybe to talk to one another about anything are interfering with being grateful that he is alive, has a job, and seems to be not using. The frustration I have about his not wanting to help himself whether it is taking care of his sore tooth or maintaining his brain waters or taking steps for personal growth are pointless. I keep giving each new burst of it to my HP, but there must be ALOT buried deep that keeps rising up.
Stinky #3 I feel guilty that I am not happier when I read some of others experiences. My life is not that bad, hasn't been as hard as some others. Thanks HP.
Stinky #4 Beating myself up because I am having loads of trouble with the detach with love aspect, I am detached but I can't seem to say I love you, or be close, or feel much at all for my A. Probably not helping the whole #2 stinky at all either.
That's the stink that is boiling over this morning. Any ESH or comments are always appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read.
Jennifer
Jennifer,
Gosh it must be so hard not to scream at him to get up and help! Your stink is all bottled up inside because you are dealing with the effects of this horrid disease. I applaud your ability to dump it here instead of on his head! Me...I get angry and impossible. I hate the A's and I want to torture them because of all the pain I feel inside. I too am tired of being the little red hen. I want to crawl into bed and pull the blankets over my head. My HP sent me my baby girl to keep me from losing it! She is my life line. My reason for hanging on and for working my steps and doing everything I can to make sure she is not as adversely affected by her father's drinking as I was by mine.
Thanks for letting me dump!
Julia
Jennifer,
Sorry to hear about your dog. Just remember that he is a member of your family and you do need to allow yourself to grieve. It's ok to have feelings {{Jennifer}}
Ah the A. It is frustrating. My A was dry for 3 or 4 years. But she was 'sick' for most of them and pretty much was in bed. We threw out the old matress and there was a dent on her side. I couldn't help but laugh. I have alot of pent up resentments from all the past years. I can't let go of them, maybe I'm not ready. For now, I'm content to not add to my pile of resentments. It's the best I can do. The program has so far helped me in that regard and I hope that the steps will help me w/ the other.
Your affected by someones drinking or addiction. You belong. There is no litmus test that you had to suffer through a calimity of a certain proportion. Maybe you found the program before it got that bad and it's helping you? I learn a great deal from others ESH whether than living in the trenches of an active A, recovery or even acoa's who have never been with an active or bad situation since the've moved out. If we can grow through your ESH, don't feel bad that it's not as bad as anyone elses. You own your life and your experiences. Again, it's ok to have feelings about them.
I'm having trouble w/ detachment lately and esepcially w/ love myself. I recently read in Codependent No More, if you can't detach with love, it might be better for your own good to just detach. So as selfish as it may seem to my little codie me, my detachment is good for me. Maybe not for my A but right now, I gotta put my own oxygen mask on.
Hope that didn't ramble too long, lol
Bob
Bob said a lot of good stuff. He is right, where you are when you come here is good enough!!! You don't have to have gone through as much as anyone else--Each of us is unique in our exact specific trials, but the feelings are pretty much the same and you can learn things that could prevent worse things from happening to you and your family, or just learn to feel good and thankful about what you experienced (like o.k. if so and so went through _____(fill in blank with something horrible you have not experienced) then I with the help of my HP who loves me can make it threw this.
I sometimes feel guilty too because I haven't experienced some of what others have, but maybe I found this place so I wouldn't have to. Maybe my HP knew I really couldn't handle that at all. I don't know why, I'm just glad I have someplace to come where people understand.
Good luck,
Dawn
Hello Julia, Bob, Dawn, Mebjk & all,
Thank you for your replies.
Julia, My worst part is trying not to scream about helping himself. I gave up trying to force the helping out around the house long ago. No children, just pets. So I have a little bit of freedom to play around with the housework stuff, the only one it will bother is me. Makes for a messy house, but I decided better that than a bitter mean ME running around with a rag and broom chasing everyone. ~laugh~
Bob, you can keep right on rambling as long as you want. I needed to hear all of it. Thank you. I had to laugh after reading your post when I went downstairs and sat on the couch in my As normal spot ... those dents must be contagious. I kinda plopped myself on it to test and WOW 4 puffy cushions ... then BOOM 2 that form a pit. And sure enough my first thought was I should rearrang the cushions, and nope I didn't ... he can keep the security pit and I will keep my puffy ones.
Dawn, I understand what you mean. I don't really feel guilty I haven't experienced things. It's more that I have a situation that would make some people happy because it is off and on not a constant turmoil. Other times I envy the peoplle in situations where at least there is a routine, this not knowing when or what and hoping and then shock when I see the signs could drive anyone batty. Maybe it is one of those things where if a person has curly hair they want it straight or if they have straight they want it curly, on a much STRANGER level. Either way my job is to be as happy as I can be with what I have or else go make myself happy.
Mebjk, Thank you for your prayers.
Jennifer