i feel like i am invisablel!!! i post my pain, my progress and being alone, sometimes this is the ONLY place i can "steal some hugs/comfort"
i know my posts are based on the literature and may be kinda boring, but they are medicinal for me.....i have come to the realization and awareness AND acceptance that hating my perp is a TOTAL waste of time AND it robs me of my love i need for me....so??? lots of meditation and affirms and they are working
you know i had so little lovel/ caring/ concern/ regard for ME, that i didn't mind spending my precious energy that i had hating him...now??? i am too damned important to me to waste my time and energy hating someone who has ALREADY condemned himself, and has been erased from god's book of life, and now it is time to REALLY erase him from my efforts....
oh yeah, i am going to have to mention it from time to time in the course of my recovery, but the focus is going to be on ME about ME loving ME , taking care of ME..
even in my hours and weeks of grief/ pain work, i have tried to answer other folks's posts even if it is to give a (((cyber hug)))) to let them know "hey i NOTICE you and care about your pain"
i don't profess to know everything, in fact i know very little, but i think i have done a good job trying to help people/ posting and answering posts, with very little acknowledgement given to me...if it weren't for kitty and leo and a very few others, i would feel like my deodorant wasn't working!!!!
that does not meet my needs...so i am assessing my groups, which ones acknowledge me , give me esh/ comfort as i do them...which ones are most meeting my needs, and lets say that i am "trimming the fat" its down to a few now.....that way i can work on my literature....cut and paste it on the boards i'll be more active ...answer some posts.......AND do MORE fac2fac and on line MEETINGS...my girlfriend here in our office building and i are going to do "lunch" at open aa meet right around the corner here and i am looking forward to this new addition to my recovery menu
i will be around , some, i'll try to answer a few posts, but i am not going to offer many takes, becuz it takes a lot of time to first write what i feel......than i gotta check it for language etc, and edit it for public viewing (the public offering that is) than i gotta cut and paste it to the respective boards i belong to and its too damned much work, doing that on the boards that don't even notice me!!!!! maybe my "message" has worn itself out...i mean maybe i have "run my course" around here.... so??? same amt. of journalling and maybe even more with the extra time i'll have.....LESS posting on boards EQUALS more time for me......
i am not out and out leaving, just going to spend more time where i get MY needs met as well.....this is a give AND take proposition.....
nothing personal, just making moves to better take care of me.......i'll see ya'll and i'll give a reply or two when i can ok????? that way i won't care whether or not i get any comfort/support etc.....cuz i'll be helping someone ELSES post when i got the time!!!!
i'll see ya'll soon....you all take care...and i love the meets here..i am going to try and do more meets..... peace and hugs in recovery
Christy said
Jan 11, 2006
(((rosie)))
I want to fess up.
When I do have the time to read your posts, I do enjoy them and have taken valued information from them. I've even saved a few things you have written. I just usually don't give myself that time.
I should have stopped and smelled the roses (no pun intended), and take the time to read, my loss I'm sure.
Your posts are usually very lengthy so I sort of skim by and I hadn't considered the time and care taken to post them. Rather, I thought of them as you talking yourself through your healing and needing to write it. My perception was off.
I apologize for contributing to your feelings of not being appreciated.
Christy
hudsond said
Jan 11, 2006
I too apologize! I have done the same thing as Chrissy. Simetimes I don't even know how to answer. I have seen your posts as a way you talk through your stuff and since I haven't been in the program long I haven't felt that I have much insight or wisdom to pass on, but that does not mean I could not have posted. I could have said "good job", "keep working at it", etc.
It does sound like you are doing good. Forgiveness is a great way to go, not giving the perp more of your time since he already stole so much from you. You are finding a better you now--so keep up the work. And I am sorry about the hurt feelings.
Good luck,
Dawn
sas said
Jan 11, 2006
A little acknowledgment goes a long way! YOu have answered my post and I was so thrilled to have someone take a moment to say something....ANYTHING! I have read some of your posts too (obviously, since I am responding) and did get help out of them. I don't think your work has been for nothing. YOu may have heard this before, but I think it pertains to now:
Whatever happens at all, happens as it should. --Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
Today, I am where I'm supposed to be.
Just passing on something passed on to me. It seems appropriate! Cont. to take care of yourself. I truly thank you for your time.
Michelle
tea2 said
Jan 11, 2006
(((rosie)) I read your posts - thought they were your way of working on your recovery. In a journaling kind of way. My sponsor has me doing kind of what you have with daily writing from one of the readers. I also work on my posts the same way, the editing, the spell check -grammar etc ... I am not one who replies in detail unless I know for sure I can add some e, s & h. Only from my point of view I tend to post as a share -for me, not expecting feedback unless I actually ask for it. I had no idea you felt this way. Lots of well wishes, Tracey
bobump said
Jan 11, 2006
No excuse but wanted to share. Your posts are usually chock full of stuf. Sometimes I don't have time to get through it all. Sometimes I don't have time to reply to it all, and it's difficult to pick out the brightest light in the prism of ESH so lamely I don't reply at all.
That's not to say you should change your posts ! That's just me.
I wish you the best on the journey you've been on and continue to take whether you are here or elsewhere. {{{{Rosie}}}}.
Bob
elizabeth said
Jan 11, 2006
rosie
i have been a member of this alanon site for some time now. i have been around but i haven't said too much because i have been sorting out who i am and trying to make sense out of my life. i read the posts and they really help me put the past into perspective so i don't repeat my mistakes in the future. maybe you should just hang out like i did. i hope you find peace.
angelinme908 said
Jan 11, 2006
Rosie-
As others have mentioned, I also thought you were posting as a journaling work for your own recovery. I never really knew how to respond to some of what you posted - I've been here almost two months. I'm sorry you haven't gotten the response from us that you were hoping for.
Angelina
kitty said
Jan 11, 2006
I look up to u Rosie u know that (((((((((( hugs ))))))))))) you are so courageous it is inspiring... I love your fierce spirit. You have encouraged me, I love ya kid!
-kindred spirit in recovery ODAT, love -kitty of light
Jennifer said
Jan 11, 2006
Hi (((Rosie)))
I will miss seeing your posts, each one I have read has helped me to find an area in my life I need to focus on. I'm sorry I have not been able to give as much back as I would have liked to. I look forward to seeing your posts when you are able to do them. And I think it is great you are "trimming the fat" in order to make more time for yourself. Wishing you the best in all your endeavors.
Jennifer
WakingUp said
Jan 11, 2006
Rosie, I ALWAYS read your posts. As others have said, I too thought they were a kind of journal and didn't know if a response was necessary. Maybe if you would like a reply, you could ask a question or say that you want a hug? I appreciate you, and you have brought me comfort. {{{{{{{{{{{Rosie}}}}}}}}}}}
UncleLou said
Jan 12, 2006
I think the things you are starting to realize as you grow is an example of God working in your life. Stay strong and stick around.
Lou
twinmom2 said
Jan 12, 2006
Rosie,
In reading your posts I could tell you were devoting so much time and effort into healing. I also was not sure how to respond to some of the topics, but just to let you know I have read them and have received a great deal of insight from you. I myself don't have a great deal of time to read and post, some days I just read and other's I do both. It sounds like you have a good support system going and you are getting your needs met elsewhere too; which is really great. Keep up the great work because you are right, you are worth it.
Hugs to you
Twinmom~
notsonew1111 said
Jan 12, 2006
((((((((rosie))))))) i love your post. i have read everyone since i first came here. you help me to see things that i dont understand. like when you post from courage to change or something and i dont get what it means, you answer it, you share how it applies to you, then i get it. i too thought you were journalling and it has inspired me so much to write about the days in my odat book and how the entries apply to me. im sorry if you thought we werent listening but by the replies i see we were. if you continue to post and if i have nothing to say i will at least give you a hug because you are so worth it. im also glad to see you in chat more often. tc (((hugs)))
hi all
i feel like i am invisablel!!! i post my pain, my progress and being alone, sometimes this is the ONLY place i can "steal some hugs/comfort"
i know my posts are based on the literature and may be kinda boring, but they are medicinal for me.....i have come to the realization and awareness AND acceptance that hating my perp is a TOTAL waste of time AND it robs me of my love i need for me....so??? lots of meditation and affirms and they are working
you know i had so little lovel/ caring/ concern/ regard for ME, that i didn't mind spending my precious energy that i had hating him...now??? i am too damned important to me to waste my time and energy hating someone who has ALREADY condemned himself, and has been erased from god's book of life, and now it is time to REALLY erase him from my efforts....
oh yeah, i am going to have to mention it from time to time in the course of my recovery, but the focus is going to be on ME about ME loving ME , taking care of ME..
even in my hours and weeks of grief/ pain work, i have tried to answer other folks's posts even if it is to give a (((cyber hug)))) to let them know "hey i NOTICE you and care about your pain"
i don't profess to know everything, in fact i know very little, but i think i have done a good job trying to help people/ posting and answering posts, with very little acknowledgement given to me...if it weren't for kitty and leo and a very few others, i would feel like my deodorant wasn't working!!!!
that does not meet my needs...so i am assessing my groups, which ones acknowledge me , give me esh/ comfort as i do them...which ones are most meeting my needs, and lets say that i am "trimming the fat" its down to a few now.....that way i can work on my literature....cut and paste it on the boards i'll be more active ...answer some posts.......AND do MORE fac2fac and on line MEETINGS...my girlfriend here in our office building and i are going to do "lunch" at open aa meet right around the corner here and i am looking forward to this new addition to my recovery menu
i will be around , some, i'll try to answer a few posts, but i am not going to offer many takes, becuz it takes a lot of time to first write what i feel......than i gotta check it for language etc, and edit it for public viewing (the public offering that is) than i gotta cut and paste it to the respective boards i belong to and its too damned much work, doing that on the boards that don't even notice me!!!!! maybe my "message" has worn itself out...i mean maybe i have "run my course" around here.... so??? same amt. of journalling and maybe even more with the extra time i'll have.....LESS posting on boards EQUALS more time for me......
i am not out and out leaving, just going to spend more time where i get MY needs met as well.....this is a give AND take proposition.....
nothing personal, just making moves to better take care of me.......i'll see ya'll and i'll give a reply or two when i can ok????? that way i won't care whether or not i get any comfort/support etc.....cuz i'll be helping someone ELSES post when i got the time!!!!
i'll see ya'll soon....you all take care...and i love the meets here..i am going to try and do more meets..... peace and hugs in recovery
I too apologize! I have done the same thing as Chrissy. Simetimes I don't even know how to answer. I have seen your posts as a way you talk through your stuff and since I haven't been in the program long I haven't felt that I have much insight or wisdom to pass on, but that does not mean I could not have posted. I could have said "good job", "keep working at it", etc.
It does sound like you are doing good. Forgiveness is a great way to go, not giving the perp more of your time since he already stole so much from you. You are finding a better you now--so keep up the work. And I am sorry about the hurt feelings.
Good luck,
Dawn
A little acknowledgment goes a long way! YOu have answered my post and I was so thrilled to have someone take a moment to say something....ANYTHING! I have read some of your posts too (obviously, since I am responding
) and did get help out of them. I don't think your work has been for nothing. YOu may have heard this before, but I think it pertains to now:
Whatever happens at all, happens as it should.
--Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
Today, I am where I'm supposed to be.
Just passing on something passed on to me. It seems appropriate! Cont. to take care of yourself. I truly thank you for your time.
I read your posts - thought they were your way of working on your recovery. In a journaling kind of way. My sponsor has me doing kind of what you have with daily writing from one of the readers.
I also work on my posts the same way, the editing, the spell check -grammar etc ... I am not one who replies in detail unless I know for sure I can add some e, s & h.
Only from my point of view I tend to post as a share -for me, not expecting feedback unless I actually ask for it. I had no idea you felt this way.
Lots of well wishes, Tracey
rosie
i have been a member of this alanon site for some time now. i have been around but i haven't said too much because i have been sorting out who i am and trying to make sense out of my life. i read the posts and they really help me put the past into perspective so i don't repeat my mistakes in the future. maybe you should just hang out like i did. i hope you find peace.
Rosie-
As others have mentioned, I also thought you were posting as a journaling work for your own recovery. I never really knew how to respond to some of what you posted - I've been here almost two months. I'm sorry you haven't gotten the response from us that you were hoping for.
Angelina
I look up to u Rosie u know that (((((((((( hugs ))))))))))) you are so courageous it is inspiring... I love your fierce spirit. You have encouraged me, I love ya kid!
-kindred spirit in recovery ODAT, love -kitty of light
Hi (((Rosie)))
I will miss seeing your posts, each one I have read has helped me to find an area in my life I need to focus on. I'm sorry I have not been able to give as much back as I would have liked to. I look forward to seeing your posts when you are able to do them. And I think it is great you are "trimming the fat" in order to make more time for yourself. Wishing you the best in all your endeavors.
Jennifer
Rosie, I ALWAYS read your posts. As others have said, I too thought they were a kind of journal and didn't know if a response was necessary. Maybe if you would like a reply, you could ask a question or say that you want a hug? I appreciate you, and you have brought me comfort. {{{{{{{{{{{Rosie}}}}}}}}}}}
I think the things you are starting to realize as you grow is an example of God working in your life. Stay strong and stick around.
Lou
Rosie,
In reading your posts I could tell you were devoting so much time and effort into healing. I also was not sure how to respond to some of the topics, but just to let you know I have read them and have received a great deal of insight from you. I myself don't have a great deal of time to read and post, some days I just read and other's I do both. It sounds like you have a good support system going and you are getting your needs met elsewhere too; which is really great. Keep up the great work because you are right, you are worth it.
Hugs to you
Twinmom~
((((((((rosie))))))) i love your post. i have read everyone since i first came here. you help me to see things that i dont understand. like when you post from courage to change or something and i dont get what it means, you answer it, you share how it applies to you, then i get it. i too thought you were journalling and it has inspired me so much to write about the days in my odat book and how the entries apply to me. im sorry if you thought we werent listening but by the replies i see we were. if you continue to post and if i have nothing to say i will at least give you a hug because you are so worth it. im also glad to see you in chat more often. tc (((hugs)))
your sis in recovery
notsonew:)