I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this question, or if I should post on the N/A forums....but for those of you who have some knowledge, I'll start with here. As told in other posts, my a daughter just got married and I have invited her new husband to stay with us until they get their own place in March. He is a very nice young man, AND gradually I have acquired more details about him. (My a daughter isn't exactly the soul of truth.) I knew he was a recovering drug addict & had been in prison. I have found out that the drugs were heroin and methamphetamine and that he was using as recently as a month or so ago when he visited home.
My question may sound naive or stupid, but should I be afraid to have him in my house? My daughter has known him a year, but much of that time he has been in prison. I have only known him about 6 months. He has always been respectful, helpful, and hasn't used (as far as I know) while in my home.
But I've been lying awake nights worrying the last couple of nights (he gave me his parole reports to store for him, and I confess I was nosy and read some.)
Emafer said
Jan 10, 2006
Here is my expereince:
If he's been using meth as recently as month a go then watch out for the mood swings. It takes about three months to get the mental effects of meth out of your system. Meth was my brother's drug of choice and even for a long time after he was clean, he was semi- violent.
As for heroin, there is only a 17% success rate of not using again. It sounds to me like there is a really high risk of him relapsing. I work in the music industry and I've known a LOT of heroin addicts over the year. When they can't get Heroin they will take Oxyconton, Vicodine, ANYTHING opiate based.
This is sad but true, you will probably know that he is using becuase things will start disappearing from your house.
KathyS said
Jan 10, 2006
Honestly, I think the fact that you're concerned enough to post this question on the board........answers it. Trust your gut instinct. What is it telling you?
Lauren ashley said
Jan 10, 2006
Yes you have every right to feel afraid
If I was in your situation I would be too.Just trust your intuition....Listen to your heart
Lauren~
marmare said
Jan 11, 2006
I agree with the above posts, but I think take it a step further. I would sit the two of them down and explain that you are worried. You could be a shinning example for your daughter about the truth and honesty. (I have a son that is not the soul of honesty either...LOL) Listen to your inside voice.
Hugs Mary
WakingUp said
Jan 11, 2006
Thanks, everyone, for your input. When I posted that, I was going through deep emotional doo doo, so I don't know if my worries were sane or not. My a daughter got married on Saturday, just a simple ceremony in the park. I was rushing around all day, really happy for her and setting aside all my concerns at least for the day. Sunday my "Bad News Bear" neighbor came over and told me the manager was about to toss us out of this apt. and that my new son-in-law was in violation of his parole. I was still really exhausted from the day before, so instead of stopping her before she 'shared' all that stuff, I just listened. And then I got sick. So everything was worrying me, I was futurizing all my worries, etc. The biggest thing always is: she's going to expect me to rescue her and the baby when her job/finances/marriage fall apart. And I just can't do it anymore (and if I hadn't done it in the first place, I wouldn't be in this pickle now.) So, about recovery. First I came on the board and read your replies. Then I read some other posts and got reminded that what happens to my daughter isn't happening to me, that she has to experience her own consequences, and that my worries about the future may never happen. At any rate, I can deal with them then. One of my problems is that when something happens to one of my family, I feel like it is happening to me. I have to keep reminding myself that I am a different person from them. So I turned the whole situation back over to HP, I asked HP to "fluff me back up" since I was feeling so crazed from my own worries (insanity!) I checked with my intuition and decided that everything is fine, at least for now. We don't have much that would be worth stealing (old TVs, etc.) and if I see any signs of it or of a snarky attitude, I'll tell him he has to go. Please continue to keep us all in prayer. I'm not even sure if I can trust my own intuition, but just for today, I'm okay.
I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this question, or if I should post on the N/A forums....but for those of you who have some knowledge, I'll start with here. As told in other posts, my a daughter just got married and I have invited her new husband to stay with us until they get their own place in March. He is a very nice young man, AND gradually I have acquired more details about him. (My a daughter isn't exactly the soul of truth.) I knew he was a recovering drug addict & had been in prison. I have found out that the drugs were heroin and methamphetamine and that he was using as recently as a month or so ago when he visited home.
My question may sound naive or stupid, but should I be afraid to have him in my house? My daughter has known him a year, but much of that time he has been in prison. I have only known him about 6 months. He has always been respectful, helpful, and hasn't used (as far as I know) while in my home.
But I've been lying awake nights worrying the last couple of nights (he gave me his parole reports to store for him, and I confess I was nosy and read some.)
Here is my expereince:
If he's been using meth as recently as month a go then watch out for the mood swings. It takes about three months to get the mental effects of meth out of your system. Meth was my brother's drug of choice and even for a long time after he was clean, he was semi- violent.
As for heroin, there is only a 17% success rate of not using again. It sounds to me like there is a really high risk of him relapsing. I work in the music industry and I've known a LOT of heroin addicts over the year. When they can't get Heroin they will take Oxyconton, Vicodine, ANYTHING opiate based.
This is sad but true, you will probably know that he is using becuase things will start disappearing from your house.
Yes you have every right to feel afraid
If I was in your situation I would be too.Just trust your intuition....Listen to your heart
Lauren~
I agree with the above posts, but I think take it a step further. I would sit the two of them down and explain that you are worried. You could be a shinning example for your daughter about the truth and honesty. (I have a son that is not the soul of honesty either...LOL) Listen to your inside voice.
Hugs Mary
Thanks, everyone, for your input. When I posted that, I was going through deep emotional doo doo, so I don't know if my worries were sane or not. My a daughter got married on Saturday, just a simple ceremony in the park. I was rushing around all day, really happy for her and setting aside all my concerns at least for the day. Sunday my "Bad News Bear" neighbor came over and told me the manager was about to toss us out of this apt. and that my new son-in-law was in violation of his parole. I was still really exhausted from the day before, so instead of stopping her before she 'shared' all that stuff, I just listened. And then I got sick. So everything was worrying me, I was futurizing all my worries, etc. The biggest thing always is: she's going to expect me to rescue her and the baby when her job/finances/marriage fall apart. And I just can't do it anymore (and if I hadn't done it in the first place, I wouldn't be in this pickle now.) So, about recovery. First I came on the board and read your replies. Then I read some other posts and got reminded that what happens to my daughter isn't happening to me, that she has to experience her own consequences, and that my worries about the future may never happen. At any rate, I can deal with them then. One of my problems is that when something happens to one of my family, I feel like it is happening to me. I have to keep reminding myself that I am a different person from them. So I turned the whole situation back over to HP, I asked HP to "fluff me back up" since I was feeling so crazed from my own worries (insanity!) I checked with my intuition and decided that everything is fine, at least for now. We don't have much that would be worth stealing (old TVs, etc.) and if I see any signs of it or of a snarky attitude, I'll tell him he has to go. Please continue to keep us all in prayer. I'm not even sure if I can trust my own intuition, but just for today, I'm okay.