Today I am feeling my mind racing again and I do not seem to be able to stop it. My A is still staying at his dad's house. We speak daily and I see him frequently, he even went to some of the boy's basketball games this past weekend. He is attending his meetings, going to his after care etc. I am trying to stay afloat at the house, going to f2f meetings a couple of times a week, coming here, work, kids, etc.... He wants me to say things I cannot say... when can he come home.... I do not have the answer to that... and now I am finding myself thinking about what he is doing, not doing, questioning.... He met a guy when he was in the hospital and they have been attending meeting together. This is making me very anxious. The guy is an addict and did not voluntarily put himself in the hospital, he got caught. He is not in an outpatient program, just doing meetings. I have had a long standing fear that my a would turn to other drugs and I guess that the presence of this guy is feeding on that fear. I do not have a lot of faith in my husband's recovery and I am scared. I do realize that I can do nothing about it, but I am scared nonetheless. I am afraid that he will go to a place in his addiction from which he cannot return. I just feel so anxious, and I cannot let it go.

Hi confused

 

(((confused)))

How can you get the focus back on you and your recovery?

Fear is an unpleasant feeling of perceived risk or danger, whether it be real or imagined

Worrying about your A is not helpful to your recovery.

Can you do something today to help with your recovery and make yourself the focus?

Keep working your program

Megan

Good morning confused,

Since we are powerless over this disease you and your A are powerless over whether he addicts or not. Focusing on ourselves helps us do what we have control over. My husband and I are separated and I can only look at this as a good thing that my HP has a plan for. They tell us to walk through the fear to the other side. Can you put this one in your god box? I learned that here and tried it last week with my A. It came out so much better.

In support,

Nancy

Hi Confused, I remember when my ex-h first got sober, I worried (read:focused) on what he was doing (or not doing), with whom, where, etc. It was so easy to get wrapped up in what the other is doing we have no time to take care of ourselves (hmm...sounds like right were I am at this moment!) One thing that I have kept is that worrying usually doesn't change the problem, except for making me crazy. A few very wise people have reminded me that we all have a higher power. I know I have to keep reminding myself that I don't know what's best for anyone else but myself (and that's a pretty scary thing at that!). Just my 2 cents.... Donna

you and me are in the same boat. i too fear of what may happen in the future. that these other members may relapse with him one night. or may a will become so involved with this program he may neglect me. in the end it is my fear of abandonment. our a's will do what they want, whether or not someone else is doing those things. it's their decision. they made the decision to choose sobriety for now and hopefully they stick to it. now for us, we must take care of ourselves and deal with these fears. not to focus on the what if's. what if these things never actually happen? then we've wasted valuble sober time with our a's that we can never get back because we speant the whole time worrying. we will have to work together (((confused)))

 

                    your sis in recovery

                        notsonew:)