But I really want to know why chat moves soooooo slow? I mean its hard to keep going with it being that slow!

I waited till the person speaking finished before I asked my question. I know I didnt put my "hand" up but wanted to know before I left. I cant hang around for that

-- Edited by Barbara at 12:47, 2006-01-09

Barbara,

There is a certain format that the meetings follow.  It's as close to a f2f meeting as we can get online.  There is no cross talking, just like f2f meetings.

Maybe if you have a question of this nature during the meetings you can send a private msg to an operator.

As for the speed of chat, it is what it is.  Some people don't type fast, sometimes the server is slow, sometimes there connection is slow.  I know people at my f2f meetings that have stayed away from the online meetings because of the speed.  That is their choice.

I've been in open chat when 2 or 3 people are trying to share.  It's difficult to keep up with all of them sometimes. 

Bob

As bobump said, the meetings are run as close to face to face meetings as possible. During the meetings we aren't aloud to ask questions or interrupt the meeting, that is reserved for open chat, which is most of the day. During meetings, people raise their hands to share only, not to chat. Please come and visit during open chat if the meetings aren't for you. Christy

I'll stay out of chat. Ive tried open chat - that wasnt for me either.

I tried to register for the Conference. Hotel isnt taking anymore registrations.

Maybe this entire AlAnon "thing" just isnt meant for me.

Barbara, Try face to face meeitng in you area? call 1-888-425-2666 and find out where they are.

Barbara,

I am confused.  Why would you think Al-Anon isn't for you because of what goes on in chat?  I have been hysterical in there at times, to good & bad results.

Reaching out is what is important.  If you are suffereing from the effects of someone else's drinking, Al-Anon, is for you ~ that is if you want to regain your own sanity & work on your own life.

We only have 2 mtgs a day & yes, there is a format.  We respect each other's "time" when we are pouring out our pain sharing in a meeting.  I'm not sure why you say you didn't like open chat...  it is just anyone able to share about anything at any time...  that is fast & free enough.  Not quite like having undivided attention, especially if you are working through some difficult issue, which most of us are, often.

I know some ppl here use the Boards & post ~ others use the chat room & never post.  Take what you like & leave the rest. 

No one can "fix" your problems for you.

-your friend in recovery, -K

Barbara,

I am sorry that you are feeling frustrated. Sometimes during the meetings here I feel a little impatient because sometimes it does move slow. But then I think of how hard it must be to coordinate a meeting where most of the people who are at that meeting aren't even in the same time zone. I think it is truly amazing how we can all come together for these meetings. I have heard some awesome recovery in our chat room and have learned so much about traditions from meetings I have attended in the past.

It must alos be frustrating to want to attend a conference, but have the hotel not taking anymore people. Is there another hotel close by like within walking distance? The conferences I have attended sometimes we are spread out in 3 or 4 hotels.

No one here cannot stop you from leaving the program, but I have seen much growth in you since you came, just focus on what you have accompished, and let the set backs go.

Keep Coming Back!

PS: The meetings don't work for me very well online. I miss the moring meetings due to work, and the night meetings start 10 minutes after I get home from work. So I attend at least 3 f2f meetings a week. Maybe you could try more f2f meetings

 

Much Love,

Barbara: you have to give it a chance to see whether you like it or not. Common wisdom is to try a couple of meetings. Maybe it isn't for you but you can read literature, can read the topics, can read the answers to them and get to know people.  I think chat can be very confusing and if you look at this message board you'll know that people have had a very very hard time getting in recently. We all suffer frustrations in our lives and some of that is from living with an A and getting to a place where we are burned out.  Could it be that you are so burned out and exhausted you don't give that much space to yourself. You would be setting yourself up if you were expecting to get quick answers and then leave.  This is certainly an imperfect place but it also a place where you will be heard. Only this week I had a huge tantrum because one woman I reached out to get help from was kinda curt me with me. I wanted to take her inventory, tear her agency to shreds. Then I had to remember why I was reaching out for help. I also promised myself I would expect to get some dead ends.  I am a very very isolated person who became more and more and more isolated under the stress of dealing with an A among other issues. In the past few weeks being in this room and posting I have felt included in ways I never dreamed of. That is a lifetime issue for me not feeling included and I  would automatically disqualify myself from lots of groups as a result.  I hope you will give this a try here or try face to face but above all keep reaching out to get the help you need. You won't receive perfect help totally in cue with you but you will receive acceptance, validation and love which if you live with an A you certainly badly need.

 

Maresie.

Im sorry. Im still here. Still have questions.

Have been in AlAnon this time around for 4months now. Not sure if its actually helping or not. Maybe its just another "cult"? Been to F2F, a few times Ive spoken up. Found a friend but with everyone else I feel like an outsider. Not sure how much longer I want to stick around.

For me a cult would not allow you to believe in whatever HP you wish. A cult would not tell me to take what I like and leave the rest. Heck I even found that this organization has no problem with you discussing outside literature as part of your share. IMHO, Hardly cult material. Again in total non cult culture, you're welcome to stay or go. I think people are so inclined to encourage you to stay cause it's worked for so many of us. Ask away, questions are good. Bob

As everyone has said this is as close to a face to face meeting as it can get. As in face to face as you know there is no cross talk, that is what makes this program work. Each person who shares it is their "time", to share, so we must remain patient  and wait just as they must wait for"you" to finish. I am sorry you feel this way, perhaps when this happens again, pick up the phone and call an alanon friend. Doing it this way gives alanon some sort of direction, and keeps it within the parameters of the prime directive, to help friends and family members of those who are affected by anothers drinking. Hope you will reconsider face to face meetings, as it does truly work. As in other aspects of your life,,,"The choice is yours".

gardengal

(((((((Barbara))))))))

Sorry to hear that you felt offended.  So many times because of the affects that this disease has on us it is difficult for us to understand that when something is directed at us and we feel "attacked" that we simply fall into reaction.  I have learned that if I can take a step back that perhaps it was me that didn't take the time to understand the process in the first place and that my "feelings" was just my defense mechanism taking effect.  I only learned that about myself once I realized that I wanted to learn to deal with situations in a mature way and not keep "running away" from what I didn't like or understand.  There are still times today when I "shut down" for a bit as I try to rationalize my thinking about something somebody said or did, course the best for me to do is not just rationalize it in my own head but to reason it out with somebody else too... but.... to do that I have to allow myself to trust and that takes building a relationship with people.   I've had to eat humble pie quite a few times because I was "quilty" of falling into reaction.... but that's what I came to Al-anon for.... I was tired of being in constant rage and reaction of life.  I grew up with a "dry drunk" father, one who was able to quit drinking but continued on with the behaviors of an alcoholic... so it isn't always just about the drink, just like for us... we display similiar actions of an alcoholic because of the affect that the disease has on us, but not because we drink.  Awareness, acceptance and action are three keys of the alanon program.... that along with the spiritual understanding of the program can give us the hoped for serentiy that we come in seeking.  I know it has for me. 

I hope you will continue to keep coming back, reasoning things out with someone else... as we say in a typical alanon closing:

 "In closing, we would like to say that the opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you like and leave the rest.  The things you heard here were spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential.  Keep them within the walls of this room and the confines of your mind. A few special words to those of you who haven't been with us long, whatever your problems; there are those of us who have had them too.  If you try to keep an open mind, you will come to realize tht there is no situation too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened.  We aren't perfect. The welcome we give you may not show the warmth we already have in our hearts for you.  After awhile, you'll discover that though you may not like all of us, you'll love all of us in a very special way, the same way we already love you. Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else, but... let there be no gossip of one another or criticism.  Instead, let the understand, loe and peace of the program grow in you one day at a time."

Take care and be gentle with yourself.... it works if you work it.

Luv

Cilla

-- Edited by Cilla at 10:24, 2006-01-09

I have found that this program is definitely a "you take out of it what you put into it" type of thing. I spent probably my first nine months or so thinking "OK, I've learned what NOT to do - now what am I supposed TO do?' Eventually I realized that no one was going to tell me what to do, no one was going to give me the "answer". Eventually I started recognizing myself in the Literature, in the shares of others, and started making some changes. That is how alanon works. If you come here looking for the 'teacher' to tell you what to do to fix your life, you will be disappointed. In my f2f meetings, at first I felt like I didn't have anything in common with the others. They were all in a different stage of life than me, the A's in their lives were long sober, or dead. I was struggling through my husband's early sobriety, and didn't feel much connection. Then, instead of expecting them to change to suit me, I started changing the way I shared. I stopped preparing a nice thoughtful but not necessarily true statement, and started pouring out all my confusion. I'm sure my shares didn't make any sense, but the people at my meetings really came through for me. When I showed I was in pain, they reached out. Now, three years into the program, I am just starting to think that I am finally *getting it*. Who knows how I will feel twenty years from now? I don't know if this program is right for you. I DO know that it will only work for you if you work at it honestly, if you face YOUR part in the day to day problems of your life. This is not an easy program, it's not a question of following rules set out by someone else. It's a question of finding your own rules, findding what really matters to you, finding who you really are. No one can do this for you, and there is no quick way to do it. If you don't feel that you want to work that hard for serenity, maybe you have not reached your bottom. Mostly, people don't come to alanon because their lives are so wonderful. We come because we are in despair, because nothing else works. We are willing to do the work because the alternative - staying the way we are - is too horrible to face.

Thats why I keep hanging around even though at times I do fight AlAnon. I keep going back to this past Oct and realize I dont want things to be like that again. Maybe I fight it cos thats what I do best?

thank you

Barbara,

AlAnon won't be able to help you if you aren't doing the footwork that's necessary for growth in this program.  Going to a few face to face meetings and posting here on the board isn't near enough.  I don't know how you're working your program, but I can guarantee you that if you follow the suggestions of thousands that have gone before you and overcome their situations, you will succeed:

Go to face to face meetings (if you didn't feel comfortable in the ones you attended find other ones), participate at the meetings, share, listen, get involved in service work.......make coffee, bring donuts, clean up the tables afterwards etc, don't rush out the door when the meetings over, so many benefit from the meeting after the meeting when everyone chats openly and sometimes goes out for coffee.

Get a sponsor and work the steps.  That's the key.  Learn how to put the tools of this program to work in your daily life.   We do that by following suggestions from others and especially from our sponsor.  *Self knowledge* by itself is simply not enough.  We could memorize every step and read every program book ever written and that still won't make our lives manageable again.  We need to learn how to USE these tools.  We learn that from someone who knows how to use them and passes that on.

you said you have tried some f2f. have you tried them all? why dont you keep looking till you find a group that suits you or inspires you? they say in alanon go to at least six consecutive f2f meetings before you decide if it's for you or not and if you decide to leave we will gladly refund your misery. keep trying and keep reaching out. keep coming back. it works if you work it so work it your worth it. tc

                                   your sis in recovery

                                    notsonew:)