I had breakfast with my Dad today. It's ironic yesterday I posted about how wonderfully surprised I was with my Dad and how supportive he has been. I was so thankful. Two years ago he had been diagnosed with prostrate cancer. He had seed implants and has been doing well. Today he told me over breakfast that its back. My parents have known for six weeks and have been foing tthrough tests and stuff without telling me and my two stepsisters. I can't tell you all how devastated I am. I lost my mom 7 years ago, I watched her suffer with cancer for four years...my Dad has been there every step of the way since and I can't bear to think of him sick. He's only 61. My mom was 49 when she died. Every time I think I'm out of the woods som,ething else happens. I know thatthis is life and that God does not give us anything we cannot handle. But, geez....when is it someone else's turn? Ploease pray for my Dad. He goes to Sloan Kettering on Tuesday. I need all the prayers I can get.
Jennifer said
Jan 8, 2006
Hi (((Kim)))
I'm sorry to read about your Dad, and how it must be making you feel. I send my best wishes to you, and you're all in my prayers.
Jennifer
Karilynn said
Jan 8, 2006
(((((((((((((Kim))))))))))))))))),
I'm sorry about your Dad. Do not give up hope. He beat this once, he can do it again. I will say extra prayers for you and your family. I know how hard it is to watch a parent be sick.
I too wonder why God does this to us. I find myself asking him, "haven't I shown you that I can handle the hard stuff?" I've never quite been at peace with the answer or lack of answer. That's when I try and push ahead. When I find myself particularly angry at my HP, I go for a long hard walk. I then come back too exhausted to concentrate on the negative. It does help.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn
KathyS said
Jan 8, 2006
I'm so sorry this is happening. I remember when my Dads luekemia came back how devastated I was. We all were. I will definatley keep you in my prayers. Stay positive, like someone else said, he did beat this once already! Use your program tools to help you through this difficult time. We're all here for you.
Christy said
Jan 8, 2006
(((Kim)))
I so understand where you are coming from and I recently had some stuff to deal with too. My neighbor's long awaited baby was stillborn, a friend of my son's killed herself, a young Aunt living on 10% of her heart was getting on transplant list before Katrina, now has to do it all over again, another Aunt in hospital with viral lung infection...
All of these things make me feel very sad, but I did come to the realization that these things aren't happening "to me".
My child did not kill himself, it is not me that needs a transplant, it is not me with a lung infection.. I quickly redirected my thinking to allow myself to offer comfort and and love to those people instead of getting the "why me's" ?
I know of these things..they are not mine to own.
I understand your fear of losing your Father, but in this case try to take the focus off you, in that it is happening to you, it isn't. Only if you choose to take it on and see it that way.
HP is not giving this to you, he is offering you a time to adjust to what may happen and time to be what you need to be for your Dad. What a gift that is!
When I redirctd my thoughts, I was much better able to help those who needed it with support and understanding of what THEY are going through.
Thank HP, I am healthy and able to do so...
Hope this helps a bit
Christy
-- Edited by Christy at 14:19, 2006-01-08
canadianguy said
Jan 8, 2006
Really sorry to hear this Kim.... all very scary stuff....
In a very real way, it is reflective of our lives with alcoholism though.... your learnings in your program will help you tremendously, as you deal with this latest setback.... the reality is, you are powerless over what happens to your Dad and his health, in amazing similarity of the powerlessness we find ourselves with respect to our A's and their recoveries.... The answer is eerily consistent - take care of you, and your emotional health, and things will be okay.....
Take care
Tom
Jeannie said
Jan 8, 2006
(((((Kim))))
I'm so sorry you are all going through this. Don't give up hope, keep praying that he can beat this once again.
Keep taking care of you and let him know you love him and will stand beside him.
You are all in my prayers.
Love Jeannie
maresie said
Jan 8, 2006
I think the word cancer has so much fear attached to it because for so many cancer conveys the impression of death. If he did not have the word cancer attached to it maybe that would help. Prostate cancer is generally a very slow growing cancer and easily monitored. Would it help for you to look it up and know more about it to know the type and stage of the cancer rather than the simple word "cancer".
I can only imagine your fear and panic at this news and your fear that now your father will be taken away from you. But your father's love cannot really be taken away from you. You said that your father has been there for you every step of the way. That feeling, that experience can never be taken away from you, you've had it, you can fall back on that and hold it and cherish if for the rest of your life. That is indeed a great great gift and that kind of love is very sustaining.
I do not know what you can do to take care of this fear and panic but I do know that there are tools to do that. You can join a support group of those who are also dealing with a parent with a life threatening illness (and we all get life threatening illnesses - we are after all mortal). YOu can break it down into stages of knowing, he will go for tests, what will they show, maybe not something catastrophic, maybe something treatable. Cancer is after all treatable now it is not the instant death sentence it was. Prostate cancer in particular is one that does come back from time to time as any illness comes back. This experience does not have to affect your sense of worth, feeling of belonging in the world.
Fear can totally envelop me in the what if's and I have to do a lot of work to break things down into manageable places. What can I do today to take care of me is one of them. I am sure your father would want to know that you are managing allright when he is going through those invasive tests. I think personally sometimes its been very very hard for me to deal with other people's issues when I am sick. I have had to send people away when they came to visit me when they were totally focused on their needs because I did not have the emotional space to deal with them. So perhaps now more than any other time its important for you to focus a lot on taking care of you physically and emotionally so that you in turn can be there for your father as he waits and learns what is going to be the next step in managing his illness.
Maresie.
Cilla said
Jan 8, 2006
((((((Kim)))))))
So sorry to hear that you are facing such a tragic fate once again. I too went through a few years in a row of losing those close to me. As a young adult, I found myself delivering my first child in July 1975, in August of 1976 my mom had passed on after fighting lung cancer for a brief period of time, although she had other issues prior to that, then in September of 1977 my dad passed on, he died of a heart attack on his honey moon with in new wife, then the following year, June 1978, I lost my son... we were getting ready to go to the zoo, my husband at that time was moving his car to the street as we were going to take my car and as I went to answer the phone our son ran out of the house. His dad saw him on the front porch, never dreamed that he would leave the porch.... he did and was hit by the car as his dad pulled out of the drive to park. I did go quite numb for awhle, but the little faith I had in my God prevailed even then and I was given the strength to move through that time in my life. Now in 2006 I realize that we face many trials in life and through each one that I've been faced with, hard as it had seemed at the time, I know that I can continue to receive the same strength each time as I choose to receive it. I'm so grateful that we have these rooms as well as our f2f rooms to share these times in our life with others that can give us the hugs and love, because they too have dealt with our issues. As a friend in one of my f2f meetings says, none of us are guarenteed tomorrow, so important that we take one day at a time, but that we use and love with what we can for that day. My love and prayers are with you and your father... may strength and grace be given to you.
Luv
Cilla
Flora123 said
Jan 8, 2006
Dear Kim,
I am just writing to offer my support, and let you know that you are in my thoughts. Others have said it all - and much better than me.
My late husband had a stroke, was in a wheelchair for 4 and half years. I remember that awful fear, that we were going to lose him. Today, I am grateful for the 4 and half years, although it was not easy, it made us all realise what are the important things in our lives.
Try to take it a day at a time. Just for today, your dad is safe, he is not going to die today (as far as we know). Try to enjoy the time you have left together - maybe he will make a full recovery, maybe he will outlive you - we do not know these things.
What I do know is, in the order of things, usually a father dies before a daughter. If that proves true in your circumstances, you have been given some time to make this final time together special, living it to the full.
Lots of special love to you,
Flora
xxxx
UncleLou said
Jan 8, 2006
Kim
Hang in there. My father had surgery for prostate cancer 3 months ago. His recovery is good, it was local and hadn't spread, thank God.
Remember the outcome is in God's hands.
My prayers are with you and him.
Lou
lin0606 said
Jan 8, 2006
So sorry to hear this - the only insight I can offer is that since you know he may be very sick, here is a chance to do the things you will regret if you don't do them - tell him you love him, make amends if you have any for old wounds, get him to tell you old family stories, just spend time with him, if you can.
You will feel so much better, if worst comes to worst, if you can look back and say "At least he knew how I felt about him".
WakingUp said
Jan 8, 2006
Kim, Christy had some good insights there. I am praying for your dad's full recovery, health, and well being. And for your peace.
{{{{{{{{{Kim}}}}}}}}
Christy, that was an extremely valuable share (for me.) I am going to print it out and read it every day. Thank you.
Jill said
Jan 8, 2006
Kim, I am sorry you are going through this. I shall pray for your Dad. I have been in your situation and felt I wouldn't be able to handle the next few days or hour even. I remembered the Serenity Prayer. Saying it silently and out loud and inbetween, just saying it made me sane. I was able to be a sane person where I had previously been a woman in panic. I could say goodbyes, I could love and value the rest of my family there with me, I could marvel at the tenderness and I could be good to myself. I have thought of each member of my family differently from that day on. It was the Serenity Prayer that made me mentally present and able to take advantage of precious time. I wish you peace and clarity. Stick close to your Higher Power. Take care of yourself, too. ---Jill
debilyn said
Jan 8, 2006
Yes it is life and it is hard. I am so sad for your family. I lost my mom too, and
my first husband, bil and on and on.
If i did not believe in the Bible i would be nuts. My dad is dieing right now too, emphesema.
my one hundred and five year and nine mo. gma has finally went bananas, but
is ok physically.
So I do know where you are. What I gotta do is go for drives in the mountains,
play with my dogs, kiss my horse, hug my goats, and do chores outside in the
rain and mud. Other stuff can go on even with hell going on too.
Believe me, it is everyones life and more. You have every right to grieve and
hurt.
Now I am saying this cuz it affected me. I have been terribly hurt from some stuff
going on in my life. today I made myself go outside and play...
I came in and on discovery health is a boy who's skin comes off. He has no hands and
his body sticks to everything. Johny is bright and funny and in terrible pain.
Just hurt my heart. i wanted to contact him and do anything I could to make him
feel better. Then the end showed he had died. It made me feel so strange. We do
have feelings and hurt, today for me, this made me stop hurting so much.
Today it made me suck it up some.
NOT saying you should. NOT at all. It is horrible to see loved ones going thru hard stuff.
But the fact you were not told sooner, shows how much your dad loves you. He
wanted to save you the pain.
I did not tell my kids for a bit when I had a cancer scare. My mom died of cancer.
The day she found out, changed my life. She told me it hurt her more that I hurt than
she hurt.
anyway, sending you love and hugs and strength. love,debilyn
I had breakfast with my Dad today. It's ironic yesterday I posted about how wonderfully surprised I was with my Dad and how supportive he has been. I was so thankful. Two years ago he had been diagnosed with prostrate cancer. He had seed implants and has been doing well. Today he told me over breakfast that its back. My parents have known for six weeks and have been foing tthrough tests and stuff without telling me and my two stepsisters. I can't tell you all how devastated I am. I lost my mom 7 years ago, I watched her suffer with cancer for four years...my Dad has been there every step of the way since and I can't bear to think of him sick. He's only 61. My mom was 49 when she died. Every time I think I'm out of the woods som,ething else happens. I know thatthis is life and that God does not give us anything we cannot handle. But, geez....when is it someone else's turn? Ploease pray for my Dad. He goes to Sloan Kettering on Tuesday. I need all the prayers I can get.
Hi (((Kim)))
I'm sorry to read about your Dad, and how it must be making you feel. I send my best wishes to you, and you're all in my prayers.
Jennifer
-- Edited by Christy at 14:19, 2006-01-08
Really sorry to hear this Kim.... all very scary stuff....
In a very real way, it is reflective of our lives with alcoholism though.... your learnings in your program will help you tremendously, as you deal with this latest setback.... the reality is, you are powerless over what happens to your Dad and his health, in amazing similarity of the powerlessness we find ourselves with respect to our A's and their recoveries.... The answer is eerily consistent - take care of you, and your emotional health, and things will be okay.....
Take care
Tom
(((((Kim))))
I'm so sorry you are all going through this. Don't give up hope, keep praying that he can beat this once again.
Keep taking care of you and let him know you love him and will stand beside him.
You are all in my prayers.
Love Jeannie
I think the word cancer has so much fear attached to it because for so many cancer conveys the impression of death. If he did not have the word cancer attached to it maybe that would help. Prostate cancer is generally a very slow growing cancer and easily monitored. Would it help for you to look it up and know more about it to know the type and stage of the cancer rather than the simple word "cancer".
I can only imagine your fear and panic at this news and your fear that now your father will be taken away from you. But your father's love cannot really be taken away from you. You said that your father has been there for you every step of the way. That feeling, that experience can never be taken away from you, you've had it, you can fall back on that and hold it and cherish if for the rest of your life. That is indeed a great great gift and that kind of love is very sustaining.
I do not know what you can do to take care of this fear and panic but I do know that there are tools to do that. You can join a support group of those who are also dealing with a parent with a life threatening illness (and we all get life threatening illnesses - we are after all mortal). YOu can break it down into stages of knowing, he will go for tests, what will they show, maybe not something catastrophic, maybe something treatable. Cancer is after all treatable now it is not the instant death sentence it was. Prostate cancer in particular is one that does come back from time to time as any illness comes back. This experience does not have to affect your sense of worth, feeling of belonging in the world.
Fear can totally envelop me in the what if's and I have to do a lot of work to break things down into manageable places. What can I do today to take care of me is one of them. I am sure your father would want to know that you are managing allright when he is going through those invasive tests. I think personally sometimes its been very very hard for me to deal with other people's issues when I am sick. I have had to send people away when they came to visit me when they were totally focused on their needs because I did not have the emotional space to deal with them. So perhaps now more than any other time its important for you to focus a lot on taking care of you physically and emotionally so that you in turn can be there for your father as he waits and learns what is going to be the next step in managing his illness.
Maresie.
((((((Kim)))))))
So sorry to hear that you are facing such a tragic fate once again. I too went through a few years in a row of losing those close to me. As a young adult, I found myself delivering my first child in July 1975, in August of 1976 my mom had passed on after fighting lung cancer for a brief period of time, although she had other issues prior to that, then in September of 1977 my dad passed on, he died of a heart attack on his honey moon with in new wife, then the following year, June 1978, I lost my son... we were getting ready to go to the zoo, my husband at that time was moving his car to the street as we were going to take my car and as I went to answer the phone our son ran out of the house. His dad saw him on the front porch, never dreamed that he would leave the porch.... he did and was hit by the car as his dad pulled out of the drive to park. I did go quite numb for awhle, but the little faith I had in my God prevailed even then and I was given the strength to move through that time in my life. Now in 2006 I realize that we face many trials in life and through each one that I've been faced with, hard as it had seemed at the time, I know that I can continue to receive the same strength each time as I choose to receive it. I'm so grateful that we have these rooms as well as our f2f rooms to share these times in our life with others that can give us the hugs and love, because they too have dealt with our issues. As a friend in one of my f2f meetings says, none of us are guarenteed tomorrow, so important that we take one day at a time, but that we use and love with what we can for that day. My love and prayers are with you and your father... may strength and grace be given to you.
Luv
Cilla
Kim
Hang in there. My father had surgery for prostate cancer 3 months ago. His recovery is good, it was local and hadn't spread, thank God.
Remember the outcome is in God's hands.
My prayers are with you and him.
Lou
Kim, Christy had some good insights there. I am praying for your dad's full recovery, health, and well being. And for your peace.
{{{{{{{{{Kim}}}}}}}}
Christy, that was an extremely valuable share (for me.) I am going to print it out and read it every day. Thank you.