It turns out that my A hasn't been as wonderful as I thought. He's been drinking and he came to me last night...drunk. I didn't know what to do. Today he is just acting like nothing happened, but I can't be like that. I just don't know what to do anymore. He has been doing horrible lately and anytime I tell him I'm here for him he just says nothing is really wrong. I just want to scream!!!
kitty said
Jan 7, 2006
(((((Hugs Ashraven))))) & Welcome to our Board/Chat Room open 24/7
This is typical of the A's behavior as they don't want to look at it or think anything is wrong with it. Unofrtuanately it is a part of the disease, denial.
Get some literature in an Al-Anon meeting or come into a chat mtg or just in chat & talk to some ppl. We have all been there.
love, -Kitty
Diva said
Jan 7, 2006
Ashraven, I can sooooo relate to your post. My own A, who binges once a year or so, can behave like nothing at all has happened. Even though he goes through a detoxification, and is sick for several days, once he is back to normal, he forgets about it. Trouble is, I don't. I think this is one of the things that drives us mad. They are ok, and our life crumbles around us. It's just as Kitty said...DENIAL!! It's not fair, is it? That's why we must concentrate, 24-7, on our own mental and physical health...
Good luck and God bless. Diva
maresie said
Jan 7, 2006
Welcome Ashraven: I am so glad that you are in this group. I think frustration is very very difficult to deal with. I currently live with an alcoholic/addict whose addiction is currently in fast progression mode. He also comes home in complete denial, wakes up in denial and lives in denial as does his family of origin. I am through feeling resentful at their denial and just work on my own denial these days. My own denial is of course about that I can do much to control my boyfriends progression. I can of course take care of myself in a fashion that does not demand perfection and in turn work on building up my self care to a point where I feel strong. I can also look long term ahead and realise that this disease may take him on so many levels (jail - he is alway skirting on that border being behind with his speeding tickets for example, drinking and driivng and more). I used to see that as complete oblivion. Now I don't. His health could also fail as his liver is already affected. In some ways his health has already failed as he spent considerable portions of this year unable to work. I of course was in complete denial earlier this year when some of his diagnoses came through that it was his substance abuse progressing.
This diease has taken its toll on me .There are times when I have not been able to work because of the stress. The financial issues often over whelm me I have had to work hard to unemesh myself from him and refuse to step in and rescue him. There are times when I have paid for things I normally do not because I am not yet able to just let the cards fall and the chips fly as I have not planned adequately for those times. I will in time I know that. I will with this help of this program, the non judgmentalness of the people around me here and my ability to be honest about what I am dealng with. Rather than find the consequnences of my boyfriend's using overwhelming I can with my hps' help see it as a natural progression of his disorder. He has been at it for decades. In a similar way I can come to terms with my own sister's progression and that is helpful to me because I was very much in the anger stage about it before.
Maresie.
Jeannie said
Jan 8, 2006
Hi,
there is nothing you can do to fight denial. All you can do is take care of yourslef.
No matter how much you remind him you are there for him, until he is willing to open up and admitt the problem, he won't accept the help.
All you can do is work your own program, read everything you can, come here, get to f2f meetings and remember thatyou are not to blame. It is not about you.
It turns out that my A hasn't been as wonderful as I thought. He's been drinking and he came to me last night...drunk. I didn't know what to do. Today he is just acting like nothing happened, but I can't be like that. I just don't know what to do anymore. He has been doing horrible lately and anytime I tell him I'm here for him he just says nothing is really wrong. I just want to scream!!!
(((((Hugs Ashraven))))) & Welcome to our Board/Chat Room open 24/7
This is typical of the A's behavior as they don't want to look at it or think anything is wrong with it. Unofrtuanately it is a part of the disease, denial.
Get some literature in an Al-Anon meeting or come into a chat mtg or just in chat & talk to some ppl. We have all been there.
love, -Kitty
Welcome Ashraven: I am so glad that you are in this group. I think frustration is very very difficult to deal with. I currently live with an alcoholic/addict whose addiction is currently in fast progression mode. He also comes home in complete denial, wakes up in denial and lives in denial as does his family of origin. I am through feeling resentful at their denial and just work on my own denial these days. My own denial is of course about that I can do much to control my boyfriends progression. I can of course take care of myself in a fashion that does not demand perfection and in turn work on building up my self care to a point where I feel strong. I can also look long term ahead and realise that this disease may take him on so many levels (jail - he is alway skirting on that border being behind with his speeding tickets for example, drinking and driivng and more). I used to see that as complete oblivion. Now I don't. His health could also fail as his liver is already affected. In some ways his health has already failed as he spent considerable portions of this year unable to work. I of course was in complete denial earlier this year when some of his diagnoses came through that it was his substance abuse progressing.
This diease has taken its toll on me .There are times when I have not been able to work because of the stress. The financial issues often over whelm me I have had to work hard to unemesh myself from him and refuse to step in and rescue him. There are times when I have paid for things I normally do not because I am not yet able to just let the cards fall and the chips fly as I have not planned adequately for those times. I will in time I know that. I will with this help of this program, the non judgmentalness of the people around me here and my ability to be honest about what I am dealng with. Rather than find the consequnences of my boyfriend's using overwhelming I can with my hps' help see it as a natural progression of his disorder. He has been at it for decades. In a similar way I can come to terms with my own sister's progression and that is helpful to me because I was very much in the anger stage about it before.
Maresie.
Hi,
there is nothing you can do to fight denial. All you can do is take care of yourslef.
No matter how much you remind him you are there for him, until he is willing to open up and admitt the problem, he won't accept the help.
All you can do is work your own program, read everything you can, come here, get to f2f meetings and remember thatyou are not to blame. It is not about you.
Love Jeannie