The last few days I have been having a lot of feelings.... ones which I cannot get a handle on. And on the way home from my f2f meeting tonight I realized that I really don't want to get my hands on them. I want to run as fast as I can away... away from my house... my family... my support... myself. I am scared to death right now.
My mind knows I HAVE to get through this... if not for me but for the kids. But my heart is burning in pain, in fear, in sadness. It feels like someone has a hot branding iron and has pushed it through my chest. I so badly want to get away from this pain. I've tried letting it go, sitting with it, looking at it... but it keeps on coming back. IT must have more program than me!
I will continue to do what I can for today and try not to run away. I will try not to hide my head or go under my bed. But as this pain grows stronger... my anxiety lasts much longer.
Please God help me!
mebjk said
Jan 6, 2006
Dear sandie,
I am so glad you came here to share what you are feeling. I have had feelings that were so painful that went on for a long, long, time, even though I prayed so hard to let them go.
I hope you will be making calls and talking and talking about all of this. And I hope you are finding all the support you need right now. We are here for you.
I will be praying for you.
Thank you for being here for all of us, too.
mebjk
sandy said
Jan 6, 2006
Hi Sandie,
I know how you feel, I'm feeling the same way right now. I've had these feelings before they do fade away after awhile. I pray, talk to a friend or come here. The people here are really great. I save any replies I get and I go back and read them from time to time.
I too would like to just run, I don't know where but somewhere away from my troubles. Some days I feel like I can't take it anymore. I just want to scream "Stop, Stop, I don't want to hear any more bad stuff, I don't want to see any more bad stuff " I DON"T WANT TO DEAL WITH ANY MORE BAD STUFF" I just want a peaceful normal life. Please God give me some peace.
I just ride it out and when I do have a good day I'm thankful because I know it won't last. It's a terrible way to feel. I pray that I will find a way to deal with this overwhelming feeling I get and I hope you find it also.
Sandy
-- Edited by sandy at 23:30, 2006-01-06
-- Edited by sandy at 23:34, 2006-01-06
Joycie said
Jan 7, 2006
Hey,
been there done that, I have felt that way so many time, living with two alcoholic parents for me is not easy I am feeling so alone, I have run away from home.... although I am currently back, I now realize that running away was stupid, just the thought of it haunted me.Cuase I knew if I wasn't there to take the yelling at, the cussing at, and all the other crap from them my little sister would get it, and thats why I came home, I can take being cussed at now, but my little sister can't and I had to make sure that my stupid actions did not hurt others I loved, and when I got back it was no better than it was before. You are in the right place coming here. Ther is alot of awesome love and support. I am here if you want/need to talk or vent.
<3 Joycie~
-- Edited by Joycie at 07:37, 2006-01-07
Jennifer said
Jan 7, 2006
Hello Sandie,
Your post reminded me of something ... I was driving with my Mom in a town about 2 hours away from home a couple years ago, at a stop light I looked over and saw this sign in a window of a store. Help Wanted it said. I looked at my Mom and said turn in there, I want you to drop me off right here. I had every intention of getting out of the car going in and getting that job, a room to rent, making her rpomise to tell no one and never returning home again. just disappearing. The feeling of desire for that was so strong it made my heart ache. I started crying as I told her this, then I looked at her and had to laugh much longer than I cried because of the look on her face. I knew I couldn't run away like that, sometimes I still feel that pain, but I am glad I didn't. Thank you for reminding me of that day.
Jennifer
nmike said
Jan 8, 2006
Sandie,
You can do this. You need support in the form of meetings and your HP. We are here for you. Keep posting. Hang on and try to walk through it to the other side.
Hi Sandie,
I know how you feel, I'm feeling the same way right now. I've had these feelings before they do fade away after awhile. I pray, talk to a friend or come here. The people here are really great. I save any replies I get and I go back and read them from time to time.
I too would like to just run, I don't know where but somewhere away from my troubles. Some days I feel like I can't take it anymore. I just want to scream "Stop, Stop, I don't want to hear any more bad stuff, I don't want to see any more bad stuff " I DON"T WANT TO DEAL WITH ANY MORE BAD STUFF" I just want a peaceful normal life. Please God give me some peace.
I just ride it out and when I do have a good day I'm thankful because I know it won't last. It's a terrible way to feel. I pray that I will find a way to deal with this overwhelming feeling I get and I hope you find it also.
Sandy
-- Edited by sandy at 23:30, 2006-01-06
-- Edited by sandy at 23:34, 2006-01-06
Hey,
been there done that, I have felt that way so many time, living with two alcoholic parents for me is not easy I am feeling so alone, I have run away from home.... although I am currently back, I now realize that running away was stupid, just the thought of it haunted me.Cuase I knew if I wasn't there to take the yelling at, the cussing at, and all the other crap from them my little sister would get it, and thats why I came home, I can take being cussed at now, but my little sister can't and I had to make sure that my stupid actions did not hurt others I loved, and when I got back it was no better than it was before. You are in the right place coming here. Ther is alot of awesome love and support. I am here if you want/need to talk or vent.
<3 Joycie~
-- Edited by Joycie at 07:37, 2006-01-07
Hello Sandie,
Your post reminded me of something ... I was driving with my Mom in a town about 2 hours away from home a couple years ago, at a stop light I looked over and saw this sign in a window of a store. Help Wanted it said. I looked at my Mom and said turn in there, I want you to drop me off right here. I had every intention of getting out of the car going in and getting that job, a room to rent, making her rpomise to tell no one and never returning home again. just disappearing. The feeling of desire for that was so strong it made my heart ache. I started crying as I told her this, then I looked at her and had to laugh much longer than I cried because of the look on her face. I knew I couldn't run away like that, sometimes I still feel that pain, but I am glad I didn't. Thank you for reminding me of that day.
Jennifer
Sandie,
You can do this. You need support in the form of meetings and your HP. We are here for you. Keep posting. Hang on and try to walk through it to the other side.
In support,
Nancy