I was afraid, but I told my husband today that we need to put trying to get pregnant on hold.
We began trying about a year ago. I did get pregnant but had a miscarriage. He was sober and had been for 4 and 1/2 years.
But Since the new years incident and the fact that he started drinking earlier this year after his 4 1/2 years of sobriety, I began to feel unsafe again. I was feeling uneasy and not sure, but now I am really not enthused since new years. He wants a child. I can't blame him. I have 2 daughters from a previous marriage and he is a good father to them. However, a baby right now would just complicate the issue that we need to work on.
He just said, "OK" and left it at that. I know it will come up again at some point in a dark moment. He harbors his emotions. But for now, he is accepting of what I told him. He isn't happy, I can tell. But I know that putting this on hold is a good decision for now. I have to see what's what and what will happen. Will he stay on the wagon for an extended period of time, will he be serious with getting back in the program and going to meetings? These are the things I need to know in order to feel ready to decide - in order to feel safe.
bcanuck said
Jan 5, 2006
Hi Jule,
Good for you for letting him know how you feel about having a baby. Adding more children to a shaky relationship usually isn't a good thing. Having said that, you have given him something to think about, and perhaps to strive for..to earn your trust back. You are right, you need to feel safe. Good luck to you.
Bonnie
just me said
Jan 6, 2006
((((Jule))))) Good for you! I too support your decision. A baby is a gift and a huge decision! Ties you to that person forever and is allot of pressure on a marriage. Crashed mine completely because of the changes in lifestyle and lack of sleep.
Julia
UncleLou said
Jan 6, 2006
I think you're making a very sane, logical decision. I didn't want my wife to get a dog during my early sobriety because I felt the added responsibility would just add to the stress that already existed because of my new sobriety, our strained marriage, and my umemployment. She assured me that the kids really wanted the dog and would train it and take care of it. I had a feeling the kids wouldn't. She got the dog against my wishes. That was almost two years ago. The dog still craps and pees in the house. A baby? HA!
Joycie said
Jan 7, 2006
smart move, I would have done the same thing, although I know nothing about being a mother I know I would have done the same thing
I was afraid, but I told my husband today that we need to put trying to get pregnant on hold.
We began trying about a year ago. I did get pregnant but had a miscarriage. He was sober and had been for 4 and 1/2 years.
But Since the new years incident and the fact that he started drinking earlier this year after his 4 1/2 years of sobriety, I began to feel unsafe again. I was feeling uneasy and not sure, but now I am really not enthused since new years. He wants a child. I can't blame him. I have 2 daughters from a previous marriage and he is a good father to them. However, a baby right now would just complicate the issue that we need to work on.
He just said, "OK" and left it at that. I know it will come up again at some point in a dark moment. He harbors his emotions. But for now, he is accepting of what I told him. He isn't happy, I can tell. But I know that putting this on hold is a good decision for now. I have to see what's what and what will happen. Will he stay on the wagon for an extended period of time, will he be serious with getting back in the program and going to meetings? These are the things I need to know in order to feel ready to decide - in order to feel safe.
Hi Jule,
Good for you for letting him know how you feel about having a baby. Adding more children to a shaky relationship usually isn't a good thing. Having said that, you have given him something to think about, and perhaps to strive for..to earn your trust back. You are right, you need to feel safe. Good luck to you.
Bonnie
((((Jule))))) Good for you! I too support your decision. A baby is a gift and a huge decision! Ties you to that person forever and is allot of pressure on a marriage. Crashed mine completely because of the changes in lifestyle and lack of sleep.
Julia
I think you're making a very sane, logical decision. I didn't want my wife to get a dog during my early sobriety because I felt the added responsibility would just add to the stress that already existed because of my new sobriety, our strained marriage, and my umemployment. She assured me that the kids really wanted the dog and would train it and take care of it. I had a feeling the kids wouldn't. She got the dog against my wishes. That was almost two years ago. The dog still craps and pees in the house. A baby? HA!
smart move, I would have done the same thing, although I know nothing about being a mother I know I would have done the same thing
Joycie~