Christmas eve, our grown daughter tried to commit suicide while she was drinking. She has done this several times before....she lives in another state and I feel helpless to help her at times like this. She lost a baby five years ago, and it seems she has lost all hope now too. She is seeing a counselor, but says she doesn't need AA as she doesn't think she is an alcoholic. I don't want to enable her, and need to know what I should and shouldn't do. I love her and don't want to lose her.
Tammy said
Jan 3, 2006
I can not imagine what you must be feeling right now. My husband is the alcoholic in my life and I know how hard that is .. I just can not imagine it being one of my children. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter..
Tammy
*When in doubt, I always ask my higher power what to do.. ..
just me said
Jan 4, 2006
((((((((sweetpea))))))))
My sister lost her only son in a car accident last April. She has been drowning her sorrow in wine and pills and marijuana. I know from seeing her pain how hard losing a child must be. However I just keep telling her how much I love her and how much I need her in my life. So far it seems to have helped a bit. I don't know how you could enable from so far away. But I do know that you love her and I will pray for you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss and for your pain.
Julia
maresie said
Jan 4, 2006
Well maybe she can go to a doctor and get into therapy? I dont' know all the ins and outs of how she tried to commit sucide but if she went to a hospital they would have made her see a counselor. Of course seeing someone under duress is not the best thing. I would encourage you to get all the help you can. I heard from a friend of mine that there is a group on yahoogroups for those who have a significant other who is depressed. There are also lots of books on depression and suicidal thinking and books for those who are around those who are suicidal. I think the issue is for you to get help too for your guilt and sense of helplessness.
While you may feel that your daughter needs your sole focus you also need some for you. You are in a very difficult position and need help in expressing your emotions. I know I have been very angry when people around me are suicidal. I am often angry when people are depressed and stuck around me. I need permission to go somewhere and express my feelings. Obviously one can't do that to a depressed person.
My ex husband often used to threaten to commit suicide. I found that very very intimidating and I think it was a way he tried to manipulate me personally. I don't think I have even got to that in my 4th step yet. My ex husband like many people who I have been involved with often dumped their stuff on me. I had no boundary between what I could do and what I could not do. I am sure he was suicidal but he had many other resources other than to come and tell me when he wanted something specifically. I know for me feeling a right to my feelings is very hard. Do you have a right to your feelings too or do you feel that you can't have any because your daugher is in such a bad place. I know I do. Its me last and everyone else first and I am tremendously easily manipulated. I have had to work really hard to set limits both internal and external and more.
I am glad that you are here and working on taking care of you. I think only if you take care of you will you be able to be empathic but firm with your daughter.
Maresie.
Sweetpea950 said
Jan 4, 2006
Thanks, Tammy. We have lost two young men in our family in the past ten years due to auto accidents, and it is awfully hard. Thank you for your good thoughts. Sandi
Sweetpea950 said
Jan 4, 2006
Julia, I am so sorry for the loss of your nephew. Having lost our nephew ten years ago in an auto accident, we know how the family grieves. I hope your sister can get through this grieving, although you can never get over the loss of a child. You are good to be there for her, and I hope I can get strength from this board in dealing with my daughter's problems.
Sweetpea950 said
Jan 4, 2006
You picked up on that very well. I am married to a man who drank too much and we had many problems with it in our marriage. Twenty years ago, he left his job, and we moved to a new state, and he quit drinking. His father was an alcoholic, and he died from drinking rubbing alcohol. My husband has alcoholism on both sides of his family, and I have it on one side. Our daughter has this problem, and so does one of our sons. It is a tragic disease, and it is so hard to watch someone you love ruin their lives this way. As for depression, that also runs in my side of the family. My grandmother had "nerves" as it was called back then, and my father was very depressed. I never thought it would happen to me, but it did, and after thinking of suicide myself, I did get the help I needed, and have been on medication for it for nearly ten years. So, it is not surprising our daughter has problems....I know that isn't the only reason, but I know the genes do have a lot to do with it. I am the kind of person who takes care of others first and myself last, and it is something I try very hard to overcome, but that is just me...that is the way I have always been....caring for animals, and people. I hope I can gain some insight into ways to help my daughter and my son who have drinking problems, and if not, then at least not to feel responsible or guilty for their actions. Thanks for the help. Sandi
Christmas eve, our grown daughter tried to commit suicide while she was drinking. She has done this several times before....she lives in another state and I feel helpless to help her at times like this. She lost a baby five years ago, and it seems she has lost all hope now too. She is seeing a counselor, but says she doesn't need AA as she doesn't think she is an alcoholic. I don't want to enable her, and need to know what I should and shouldn't do. I love her and don't want to lose her.
((((((((sweetpea))))))))
My sister lost her only son in a car accident last April. She has been drowning her sorrow in wine and pills and marijuana. I know from seeing her pain how hard losing a child must be. However I just keep telling her how much I love her and how much I need her in my life. So far it seems to have helped a bit. I don't know how you could enable from so far away. But I do know that you love her and I will pray for you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss and for your pain.
Julia
Well maybe she can go to a doctor and get into therapy? I dont' know all the ins and outs of how she tried to commit sucide but if she went to a hospital they would have made her see a counselor. Of course seeing someone under duress is not the best thing. I would encourage you to get all the help you can. I heard from a friend of mine that there is a group on yahoogroups for those who have a significant other who is depressed. There are also lots of books on depression and suicidal thinking and books for those who are around those who are suicidal. I think the issue is for you to get help too for your guilt and sense of helplessness.
While you may feel that your daughter needs your sole focus you also need some for you. You are in a very difficult position and need help in expressing your emotions. I know I have been very angry when people around me are suicidal. I am often angry when people are depressed and stuck around me. I need permission to go somewhere and express my feelings. Obviously one can't do that to a depressed person.
My ex husband often used to threaten to commit suicide. I found that very very intimidating and I think it was a way he tried to manipulate me personally. I don't think I have even got to that in my 4th step yet. My ex husband like many people who I have been involved with often dumped their stuff on me. I had no boundary between what I could do and what I could not do. I am sure he was suicidal but he had many other resources other than to come and tell me when he wanted something specifically. I know for me feeling a right to my feelings is very hard. Do you have a right to your feelings too or do you feel that you can't have any because your daugher is in such a bad place. I know I do. Its me last and everyone else first and I am tremendously easily manipulated. I have had to work really hard to set limits both internal and external and more.
I am glad that you are here and working on taking care of you. I think only if you take care of you will you be able to be empathic but firm with your daughter.
Maresie.
Julia, I am so sorry for the loss of your nephew. Having lost our nephew ten years ago in an auto accident, we know how the family grieves. I hope your sister can get through this grieving, although you can never get over the loss of a child. You are good to be there for her, and I hope I can get strength from this board in dealing with my daughter's problems.