last thursday my a called me repeatidly at work then showed up after I quit taking his calls in fear I would get fired.I told him to leave...he did after my boss walked up.after he left my daughter called to let me know that he took off the doorknob on the door and also took the phone cord off the phone.I left work and raced home he was here drunk as usual at 3pm.We had a fight and I kicked him out..he only left cause I threatened to call the police if he didn`t..he`s already on probation for domestic violence.He didn`t call me for 3 days then the calls start..and not one nice word comes out of his mouth...he calls me names and tells me this is all my fault..I`m childish and need to grow up..I`m a bad mother cause I kicked the kids father out of the house.My most important boundary was that if he drinks he can`t be at home and he agreed to this now I`m to blame...I`m just really frustrated...he called me tonight and told me about all the other women he`s going to go have sex with....but he didn`t put it that way he was very vulgar about it.I guess I just need reassurance that I`m not crazy or wrong.he makes me second guess myself and my decisions.Any input would be helpful...thank you

(((((Allison))))))

I am sorry for this chaos in your life.  You are not crazy.  You are in the right place here.  This is a horrible disease and you had to set boundaries for yourself and your family.  You are a good mother.  My A tried the same thing.  Blaming me and making me second guess myself and my ability as a mother.  I went to 3 meetings a week and read from the C2C constantly.  I used to hold it up in front of my face when he would try to attack me verbally.  Hang on and keep writing here and go to the chat room.  The wonderful people here will listen and help you with their ESH.

 

Julia 

Hello ((((Allison))))

You are not crazy, wrong, childish or a bad mother. You are dealing with a crappy situation as best you can. Be kind to yourself. Keep coming back.

Jennifer

You are absolutely not wrong.  I am baffled at the power of this disease that it can affect everyone in its midst. 

I so clearly remember beginning to feel that I was blowing things (my a's behavior) out of proportion. Things weren't really all that bad, but my gut always told me otherwise.  What I saw was real and what was happening was not in my head.  I saw it with my own eyes.  It wasn't until I finally talked to my family about what was going on that I got some reassurance that I wasn't crazy, that I am not making it up, exagerrating, lieing.......they too saw the behaviors.   I am fortunate.  I have a very supportive family on both sides (mine and my husbands).  With their help my A got the help he needed an today he is doing what he is supposed to do.  I am beginning to.  We are progressing as I have wished. 

I feel for you and your struggle with your A.  #1 priority is you and your daughter.  Take care and God Bless. 

One of the things that alcoholics do is BLAME anyone and everyone .. They just want to get the focus off of them.. Very typical.. My husband has said those same things to me.. I think that if you took a poll 90% of us would say those same words have been said..Once, my husband got drunk and told me that a woman wanted to have sex with him too. He actually said that he thought about it.. My heart was broken.. We have been married nearly 18 years and i couldnt believe he was saying that .. Then I realized, it wasnt him.. The disease.. If I was upset about that and crying, i wouldnt be upset about his drinking.. The games they play,.. we just have to choose not play.. I too am amazed at this disease.. It effects EVERYONE.. The children are the hardest hit. Set boundries for YOU and for your children.. Think of them and not him. Lastly, dont put any weight on the opinion of someone who is a poor role model right. Try to remember when they open their mouth it is the disease speaking .. .OF which consists of lies, manupilation, and blame.. Tammy.

hi alison. the book i am reading right now is called getting them sober volume one and it explains in there alot of the a's games they play. its very common for them to threaten to go off to another woman. its a game they play, trying to make us think we need them and we cant live without them. when in reality its the other way around. they need us more then we think. and we dont have to play the same games they do.