I remember walking to church with my mother once when I was little, and she was fuming about something. I remember wondering how she couldn't just DECIDE to be happy, like I was. I didn't know then that happiness is a choice, and she wasn't ready to make it yet.
That same kid who used to wonder why my mother couldn't just hurry up and decide to be happy used to make quite a habit out of bending herself every which way to "make" everyone else happy. I didn't get that happiness was a choice, either, and that others' happiness wasn't a choice for me to make.
Today I understand that. But it doesn't make step one any easier for me some days. It often feels really selfish to just mind my own business. When I get this way, the serenity prayer reminds me I'm not powerless, just that the only person I have power over is myself. When I get to feeling uncomfortable that people around me are out of sorts, it helps if I can use it as a kick start for myself. Instead of worrying about them, what can I do for me?
My sister in law is at odds with my mother. I'm not one to defend my mother...lol...but, I do think in this situation my mother is being misunderstood. I also know my sister in law has her mind made up about how she wants to see things, and she probably isn't open to my input. It's a hard thing for me to stay out of. But, I do recognize I am powerless, and the situation is not mine to mediate. So I'm using this opportunity to write to all of you and practice keeping my mouth shut :)
Happy New Year everyone...
Kristen
Jule_cat21 said
Jan 3, 2006
Good for you. Believe it or not, you sound very evolved and doing well in your following step one. I'm taking notes from all of you!
Have a peaceful day.
Jule
Emafer said
Jan 3, 2006
I"m having soooo much trouble with step one right now. At the moment I'm in the middle of an e-mail fight with my 'A'. I'm sooo desperate for him to understand. I so badly want to make him understand. I want to just slap him and for him to have like the converstion of Saul. I'm trying very hard to remind myself that I am powerless over people places and things. That I just need to pray for God's will to be done.
gknee said
Jan 3, 2006
Nice post!
I , too. want everyone to be the ray of sunshine that I am. (especially my A)
Honestly, I'm not always happy and optimistic but I think I have made the decision
that having a positive outlook is a personality trait that I like to foster.
the following is the quote I close my email with:
"In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip."- Daniel L. Reardon
I really believe every word of it---but I know that it is just my humble opinion. Others have their right to whatever way they want to frame their life.
Jeanne
Jerry F said
Jan 3, 2006
Emafer, your post was so delightful and right on for me in looking back at pre-program. I wanted sooo much for the alcoholic and slapped her around so that she would get the message. (I of course didn't have "the" message and she didn't want "my message". There was no way that the alcoholic would get it using my tactics. What I did actually resulted in driving her away and it would with anyone. Demand, demand, demand verbally and non-verbally. I just couldn't say and mean "have a good day" and leave her alone to have one.
The first step has two pieces to it. The first is that I admit I am powerless and the second, for proof, is that my life has become unmanageable as a result of trying to exercise power and control over the alcoholic (who by the way is not on the same wave-length as me, doesn't want to be on the same wave-length and is addicted to a chemical that alters her mind, body, spirit and emotions while I am trying to have her act normally (read normally as a person I want to be who I want her to be without even knowing what the heck that is myself. She would have never succeeded!!) It was humorous to me that if I could just get her to stop drinking and stand still without getting in trouble, 5 minutes after getting this I would have asked her, "what in the heck are you standing still like that for? Get out and do something!!" This of course would result in her doing what she wanted to do and that is drink. (cunning, powerful, baffling disease?)
I've been in program for a while and each day I get to review the amount of power I have over anything and how my life is going as a result of using power and control over others. As a result, I keep working the whole step and asking my HP to restrain me from keeping any other person especially the alcoholic from meeting their HP.
Keep coming back, over, over and over. Practice, practice and practice and let your alcoholic have a hang over or maybe reach the AA program.
Yours in love and service ((((hugs))))
Emafer said
Jan 3, 2006
Thanks Jerry.
I am soooo far away from my progam right now that I'm not even pushing myself farther than step one. It's funny because when I get like this I can literally fell the tension in my entire body. And the tenser I get, the harder it is to take a step back and get in touch with my HP. At the moment I'm confronting my 'A' on a lot of things that he doen't want to talk about. I feel like I'm not ready to let it go because he doesn't understand yet, I haven't acheived my goal. Hahaha.
I remember walking to church with my mother once when I was little, and she was fuming about something. I remember wondering how she couldn't just DECIDE to be happy, like I was. I didn't know then that happiness is a choice, and she wasn't ready to make it yet.
That same kid who used to wonder why my mother couldn't just hurry up and decide to be happy used to make quite a habit out of bending herself every which way to "make" everyone else happy. I didn't get that happiness was a choice, either, and that others' happiness wasn't a choice for me to make.
Today I understand that. But it doesn't make step one any easier for me some days. It often feels really selfish to just mind my own business. When I get this way, the serenity prayer reminds me I'm not powerless, just that the only person I have power over is myself. When I get to feeling uncomfortable that people around me are out of sorts, it helps if I can use it as a kick start for myself. Instead of worrying about them, what can I do for me?
My sister in law is at odds with my mother. I'm not one to defend my mother...lol...but, I do think in this situation my mother is being misunderstood. I also know my sister in law has her mind made up about how she wants to see things, and she probably isn't open to my input. It's a hard thing for me to stay out of. But, I do recognize I am powerless, and the situation is not mine to mediate. So I'm using this opportunity to write to all of you and practice keeping my mouth shut :)
Happy New Year everyone...
Kristen
Good for you. Believe it or not, you sound very evolved and doing well in your following step one. I'm taking notes from all of you!
Have a peaceful day.
Jule
Emafer, your post was so delightful and right on for me in looking back at pre-program. I wanted sooo much for the alcoholic and slapped her around so that she would get the message. (I of course didn't have "the" message and she didn't want "my message". There was no way that the alcoholic would get it using my tactics. What I did actually resulted in driving her away and it would with anyone. Demand, demand, demand verbally and non-verbally. I just couldn't say and mean "have a good day" and leave her alone to have one.
The first step has two pieces to it. The first is that I admit I am powerless and the second, for proof, is that my life has become unmanageable as a result of trying to exercise power and control over the alcoholic (who by the way is not on the same wave-length as me, doesn't want to be on the same wave-length and is addicted to a chemical that alters her mind, body, spirit and emotions while I am trying to have her act normally (read normally as a person I want to be who I want her to be without even knowing what the heck that is myself. She would have never succeeded!!) It was humorous to me that if I could just get her to stop drinking and stand still without getting in trouble, 5 minutes after getting this I would have asked her, "what in the heck are you standing still like that for? Get out and do something!!" This of course would result in her doing what she wanted to do and that is drink. (cunning, powerful, baffling disease?)
I've been in program for a while and each day I get to review the amount of power I have over anything and how my life is going as a result of using power and control over others. As a result, I keep working the whole step and asking my HP to restrain me from keeping any other person especially the alcoholic from meeting their HP.
Keep coming back, over, over and over. Practice, practice and practice and let your alcoholic have a hang over or maybe reach the AA program.
Yours in love and service ((((hugs))))
Thanks Jerry.
I am soooo far away from my progam right now that I'm not even pushing myself farther than step one. It's funny because when I get like this I can literally fell the tension in my entire body. And the tenser I get, the harder it is to take a step back and get in touch with my HP. At the moment I'm confronting my 'A' on a lot of things that he doen't want to talk about. I feel like I'm not ready to let it go because he doesn't understand yet, I haven't acheived my goal. Hahaha.