The holidays were good to me.  My brother surprised my mom for Christmas.  It had been over 20 years since he spent Christmas Day with her.  It was nice to have him home. 

My A has been behaving himself.  He did drink champange on New Year's Eve.  But that has been it so far.  I still feel as if I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and don't know how to shake that feeling.  He did some stuff around the house that was needing to be done and even took the time to remove my clothes from the dryer and lay them out so they wouldn't be all wrinkled....THIS IS A BIG THING FOR HIM.  Folded the towels etc. 

My mom, who is 82, hasn't been feeling well and even though she just had a complete physical I am starting to worry.  She has lost 15 lbs in a month and is a cancer survior.  I know there is not much I can do but the fear is unsettling. 

I am still applying for other jobs, my job satisfaction is about 20%, it is making going to work harder every day.

I haven't been good about taking care of me and have noticed the unrest it is bringing.  I just feel so tired and worn out. 

Hugs Mary

Hi ((((((((marmare))))))))

Take good care of yourself and try not to expect the worse..I know, easier said than done. That is great that your brother could be home for the holidays..my prayers and thoughts are with you and your mother. 

Just take one day at a time and try not to fear the unknown..what type of work are you doing now? I just started a new job about 3 weeks ago, it has been somewhat stressful, but I had been unemployed for almost three months, so I count my blessings for my paycheck. 

Have a great day and huggs to you!!

your friend in recovery, Diane

((((Mary)))) If I knew a good joke, I'd tell it too you. But I don't. So, just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and that you are not alone. I too wait for the next shoe to drop, however am learning that it will in its own time if it is going to and there is not a darn thing I can do about it. So I pick myself up and keep going. I am trying really hard to have no expectations from my A, therefore I will not be let down. Hard to do, I know. But I am trying. Being grateful for the little things and to let go of the rest. Take care of you, at least you are able to catch yourself before you fall to far. That is certainly signs of a healthy recovery. At least I think so. Lynn

Hi Mary- I just had a funny thought reading about you waiting for the other shoe to drop. So many of us live like that--I kind of picture us like Chicken Little looking up at the sky. Sounds like your life is like mine--some things are better-others are questionable. I think the thing that shows the progress you have made is that you can see the good and the bad, while not just focusing on the negative. Good luck with job search--life is hard when your job is lousy--we spend too much time at work to hate it! take care- Jeanne

Aloha Mary!!

I can remember feeling the way you are feeling and that was around my first 90 meetings.  Very little that anyone said to me worked other than "Keep coming back!!" 

I was tooo stuck in the problem to even know there was a solution.  I was very toooo stuck in feeling depressed and looking for the end of the world.    ---However---  If you go to a meeting and listen to the closing statement at the part, "if you keep and open mind you will find help."  "There is no situation too bad to be (changed) and no unhappiness to great to be lessened." If you listen to this and still have a gram of faith and hope.  Your life can change dramatically.

You are here now.  Take your chair and sit and listen.  It's your chair and you deserve it and what is shared here and the love that is given freely also will save your life...and your mind...and your spirit...and your body...and emotions.

Promise.   (((((hugs)))))

Mary:

The holidays are such a stressful time, whether we see it or not, now is the time that your body needs to recouperate. Take some time and try to be good to yourself and not worry about the other shoe dropping.  I know its easier said than done, but something small....maybe a massage, would help decompress your stress factor and be something nice for yourself that you can do for an hour. Just a suggestion....

 

HUGS!!!

 

Kim

Okay Girlfriend!  GIVE YOURSELF A HUG!!

Sounds like you are pulling a "ME"  hee hee.

Ever notice that when you feel tired, everything looks tired, tastes awful, the phone ringing sounds like a death sentence...

but when you feel good, your house feels good, you are glad the food is ready, you can't wait for a friend to phone...

Now get the heck out of your computer chair and go do something JUST FOR YOU!!!

I promise, you will feel better!

Aron

2006 the YEAR of Change.. My motto.. I will continue to work on me and stop focusing on him.. Waiting for the shoe to drop drives me CRAZY .. My husband worked on New Years and I went out with my Mom and my brother. We ate dinner, danced, had a couple of drinks.. It was great not to worry about someone getting drunk and acting stupid. We had a GREAT time.. I am convinced that 2006 will be a wonderful year.. I feel that I have come a long way down the road of recovery. I have a long way to go too. Lets just focus on TODAY, not worry about what will happen tomorrow. We will deal with it when the time is here. Another one of my resolutions in 2006.. Take CARE of ME.. No babysitting my husband, he is a BIG boy and in control of his own actions and behaviors.. Good Luck Mary.. Tammy

Mary have written twice and it keeps going off the board so now I am just going to say thinking of you.  Listen to your body when it is telling you it needs a rest and get the focus back on your needs as well.  Luv Leo xx