I thought something interesting came up in chat late last night, I was saying some ppl can get "addicted" to rage. It is like any other thing ~ it is like being 'hooked on love' or constantly saving someone else or being in a constant state of fear or pain.
You can escape your deeper feelings by always just experiencing one emotion, to kind of scape goat out on what is really going on. I know as a teenager, I did it... when I felt pain I would go right to anger & then go off running around or working or wtvr, like a lunatic.
God help me to experience & deal with my emotions in a healthy & timely manner... to dispose of the negativity so that I may not buffer your positive energy from reaching me, healing me & allowing me to grow in the awareness of Your Will for me. Amen.
-- Edited by kitty at 02:46, 2006-01-03
maresie said
Jan 2, 2006
I can vary on this one. Of course I can find myself getting all bent out of shape about some stuff that I really could let go of. At the same time some of the real stuff the stuff I need to be rageful about and honor I found it very difficult to access. I can now after years of working on it be appropriately angry at the pedophile who abused me as a child. For years I was not angry at him I was in denial he hurt me deeply then I felt deeply responsible then depressed then angry and out of control about it then grieved it. I am still angry but it is not inappropriate for me to be angry. Anger sometimes is very very appropriate. Learning for me after a lifetime of being around dysfunctional people how to be appropriately angry is another matter.
Maresie.
kitty said
Jan 2, 2006
Wow, I certainly never said anger isn't appropriate ~ I was saying some ppl use certain emotions to escape & I have done it myself.
I know a lot of ppl in my own family that were molested, raped & some friends were raped. I think "ppl" that steal a child's life in this fashion deserve to be castrated. IMHO
See, I have no anger problems whatsoever (ack, otal sarcasm!) ~ I don't believe they can be "rehabilitated" but I would never want to serve judgement on anyone, I am not God & as others that I know, I wouldn't want to "throw the switch" on a murderer, although I don't believe they ought to be having three squares a day... esp when 1:8 kids in America are starving to death.
I am plenty angry at my mother... and all she did was neglect & psychologically push & abuse me. Everyone is entitled to their feelings, I know I am.
your sister in recovery, -K
-- Edited by kitty at 02:27, 2006-01-03
rosie light shines said
Jan 2, 2006
kitty wrote:
Wow, I certainly never said anger isn't appropriate ~ I was saying some ppl use certain emotions to escape & I have done it myself.
>>>>rosie, yeah, i agree...i think i was adicted to my rage for a while...it gave me a sense of power/ control over what was happening.....now i see it as the lid to my fear/grief
I know a lot of ppl in my own family that were molested, raped & some friends were raped. I think "ppl" that steal a child's life in this fashion deserve to be castrated.
>>>>>>rosie....AMEN!!! i'll be cleaning up "his evil" probably for the rest of my life...i am reading/ journalling this book "double duty" by claudia black and it has opened yet MORE pain for me, but i want the truth..i want to be enlightened as much as i can...but the pain!! i had to get honest with my hp and say "yes, i want the s.o.b. to BURN in hell!!!! and that i could never forgive that" i also told my hp that if he/she/it wanted to give forgiveness, he/she/it would have to go in my place to do it....i am not being prompted to forgive...i AM being prompted/ lead to work through my horrendous pain...the death of my life!!!! and it brings up so much grief....apologizeing to my inner child for having to "walk away" from her in order to stay alive ..i felt so sorry!!!! but yeah, the anger/ rage does come up, but i try to REdirect it, where it belongs...and try to be angry as much as the CURRENT cause warrants....
IMHO See, I have no anger problems whatsoever ~ I don't believe they can be "rehabilitated" but I would never want to serve judgement on anyone, I am not God & as others that I know, I wouldn't want to "throw the switch" on a murderer, although I don't bbleive they ought to be having the squares a day... esp when 1:8 kids in America are starving to death. I am plenty angry at my mother & all she did was neglect & psychologically push & abuse me. Everyone is entitled to their feelings, I know I am. your sister in recovery, -K
>>>>>>rosie....i still have an anger problem, but it is lessening....i don't believe evil can be rehabilitated (child offenders) and i think it is bcuz god washes his hands of them and thus they are not curable....the spirit of god has already given up and left....IMHO that is........serve judgement??? well i judge everyday when i choose NOT to do evil, but to do good...i make judgements everyday in my choices...but to throw the switch??? death by electrocution is too easy....a slow torture is much better...really i am not kidding...NO pain is too harsh for these scumbags......and i too agree 3 squares for them/ AND dental AND medical health care, when kids are starving...and you see poor children having no dental care, no good medical preventative care....it sux......and i totally resonate you being angry at your mother.....and yeah, everyone is entitled to their feelings....i am and i feel thm AS needed.............yours in recovery/ rosie
maresie said
Jan 3, 2006
Kitty: I didn't say you said anger wasn't appropriate but certainly for me my anger at the addict and other issues in my life can be totally out of control and inappropriate. I can justify screaming and raging very easily when in fact I am triggered and need to get control of myself. But of course I dont' want to be in control I want him to be in control and take care of me if that makes sense. I don't want to be responsible for my over reaction to him anymore than he wants to be responsible for his irresponsible behavior towards me. I know when I am feeling angry and totally reactive for example at people around me that something else is up. I don't need to be enraged because for example the woman at the library is new. I know there is something else behind it and I sometimes have to dig deep to find it. I can become easily enraged, super boundaried at work for example because I often feel vulnerable there and I have to work really hard to put stuff in focus. For example I may want my boss to be the father I never had when really what I need is a boss. Fantasy is a big part of my problem, fantasy in dealing with an addict, (I will make him make it up to me that I had a horrible childhood) and more.
Boundaries are of course very difficult for me and being responsible for my behavior towards the addict is difficult just as many other areas of my life are difficult. I think its totally appropriate for me to be enraged at the pedophile but if I allow that rage to leak out all over my life who am i hurting - me most of the time. And the pedophile already hurt me and I don't need to as a friend of mine put it "finish his dirty laundry for him".
Maresie.
bobump said
Jan 3, 2006
I'm not sure if it's and addiction or a habit or both. Considering what I believe would be the relase of many chemicals in the brain w/ a full fledged rage, it might have addictive properties.
I do believe that however we label it, we can get locked into feelings and behaviors which worked for us and some level. They may even work for us at a short term level now. They just may not be contructive in any long term level.
That or maybe I'm just stuck in the same mode of thinking as my share tonight. Rage is easy to fall back on when we don't know how to either feel or express a different emotion.
I thought something interesting came up in chat late last night, I was saying some ppl can get "addicted" to rage. It is like any other thing ~ it is like being 'hooked on love' or constantly saving someone else or being in a constant state of fear or pain.
You can escape your deeper feelings by always just experiencing one emotion, to kind of scape goat out on what is really going on. I know as a teenager, I did it... when I felt pain I would go right to anger & then go off running around or working or wtvr, like a lunatic.
God help me to experience & deal with my emotions in a healthy & timely manner... to dispose of the negativity so that I may not buffer your positive energy from reaching me, healing me & allowing me to grow in the awareness of Your Will for me. Amen.
-- Edited by kitty at 02:46, 2006-01-03
I can vary on this one. Of course I can find myself getting all bent out of shape about some stuff that I really could let go of. At the same time some of the real stuff the stuff I need to be rageful about and honor I found it very difficult to access. I can now after years of working on it be appropriately angry at the pedophile who abused me as a child. For years I was not angry at him I was in denial he hurt me deeply then I felt deeply responsible then depressed then angry and out of control about it then grieved it. I am still angry but it is not inappropriate for me to be angry. Anger sometimes is very very appropriate. Learning for me after a lifetime of being around dysfunctional people how to be appropriately angry is another matter.
Maresie.
Wow, I certainly never said anger isn't appropriate ~ I was saying some ppl use certain emotions to escape & I have done it myself.
I know a lot of ppl in my own family that were molested, raped & some friends were raped. I think "ppl" that steal a child's life in this fashion deserve to be castrated. IMHO
See, I have no anger problems whatsoever (ack, otal sarcasm!) ~ I don't believe they can be "rehabilitated" but I would never want to serve judgement on anyone, I am not God & as others that I know, I wouldn't want to "throw the switch" on a murderer, although I don't believe they ought to be having three squares a day... esp when 1:8 kids in America are starving to death.
I am plenty angry at my mother... and all she did was neglect & psychologically push & abuse me. Everyone is entitled to their feelings, I know I am.
your sister in recovery, -K
-- Edited by kitty at 02:27, 2006-01-03
Kitty: I didn't say you said anger wasn't appropriate but certainly for me my anger at the addict and other issues in my life can be totally out of control and inappropriate. I can justify screaming and raging very easily when in fact I am triggered and need to get control of myself. But of course I dont' want to be in control I want him to be in control and take care of me if that makes sense. I don't want to be responsible for my over reaction to him anymore than he wants to be responsible for his irresponsible behavior towards me. I know when I am feeling angry and totally reactive for example at people around me that something else is up. I don't need to be enraged because for example the woman at the library is new. I know there is something else behind it and I sometimes have to dig deep to find it. I can become easily enraged, super boundaried at work for example because I often feel vulnerable there and I have to work really hard to put stuff in focus. For example I may want my boss to be the father I never had when really what I need is a boss. Fantasy is a big part of my problem, fantasy in dealing with an addict, (I will make him make it up to me that I had a horrible childhood) and more.
Boundaries are of course very difficult for me and being responsible for my behavior towards the addict is difficult just as many other areas of my life are difficult. I think its totally appropriate for me to be enraged at the pedophile but if I allow that rage to leak out all over my life who am i hurting - me most of the time. And the pedophile already hurt me and I don't need to as a friend of mine put it "finish his dirty laundry for him".
Maresie.
I'm not sure if it's and addiction or a habit or both. Considering what I believe would be the relase of many chemicals in the brain w/ a full fledged rage, it might have addictive properties.
I do believe that however we label it, we can get locked into feelings and behaviors which worked for us and some level. They may even work for us at a short term level now. They just may not be contructive in any long term level.
That or maybe I'm just stuck in the same mode of thinking as my share tonight. Rage is easy to fall back on when we don't know how to either feel or express a different emotion.
Bob