I am hanging out with my friend who helped me fix my laptop. I called my husband an he is hanging out with his friend who does drugs but there is of couse nothing I can do. However there is a pit in my stomach that I am nervous on what is happen an how it will be at home.
What should i do about it?
-- Edited by nycbt at 18:46, 2006-01-02
kitty said
Jan 2, 2006
((((((( nycbt ))))))
I know how you feel, keep your chin up. I know it feels nearly impossible when your heart sinks to your stomach. Try to focus on yourself & doing something good for you. I left my husband & doubt he will ever clean up his act.
Half of the time, it seems we are floundering in a sea of their whims/actions, the rest of the time - focusing on self. I used to pray to be selfish like that just a little bit, being such a martyr my entire life... no chance. I focus on myself, love myself ~ I sitll love other's but not at the expense of my own sanity ~ some days this is much harder than others.
First things first, love yourself, one moment at a time, you are worth it.
love, -K
maresie said
Jan 2, 2006
I have to continously remind myself of the three C's. I can't control it, change it or cure it. I have no control over my boyfriend's behavior. That doesn't mean I have no control over mine. Obsessing initially may make me feel powerful and like I can control it but I can't. Catastrophizing may make me think that I can handle whatever the worst hands up. And I have dealt with some of the worst, unemployment (by him and me), no money (by him and me), awful obnoxious people he tried to bring in my home (not very well handled by me but I did the best I could and that is all I can do until I learn better), illness (my continual physical illness), a recession (no jobs to be had anywhere).
If you are anything like me maybe you have already handled some pretty tough times with your A and without your A. I have faith you can handle any other hard times too one minute at a time. If I try to handle them before they happen I get over controling and upset. So I have to focus on me and what will make me feel better and how I can work on myself and my goals and my issues and stop making the relationship all I focus on in my life.
I think it is a very very hard thing to handle that pit in the stomach without denial. I can acknowledge it and find ways to cope with it. I do not deny my boyfriend has issues but so do I and the best thing I can do today is work on mine. When he gets ready to work on his (if he ever does and that is his business not mine) I will be able to support him but trying to make him see that he hurts me with his drug use, his alcoholism hasn't worked yet.
maresie.
nycbt said
Jan 2, 2006
Thank you for your answering. I need to hear that.
bobump said
Jan 3, 2006
It's hard to detach sometimes.
I'm having similiar situations right now. My A's drinking has leveled off, leveled off relatively high but it's at least a constant. As I haven't engaged much, she has backed off most of the serious attacks and it's been almost bearable.
But....
I still can't stand to hear a slur, for her to forget something we talked about, for her to say something that makes no sense, to witness her typical A gait, to watch her wash down her psych meds w/ beer, literally. I still gets me anxious.
So I keep trying to focus on myself. I'm better off immersing myself in my recovery than her illness but it's not always easy.
Well I don't offer alot except to say that I'm going thru it too, and understand it's not easy to lose that feeling.
I am hanging out with my friend who helped me fix my laptop. I called my husband an he is hanging out with his friend who does drugs but there is of couse nothing I can do. However there is a pit in my stomach that I am nervous on what is happen an how it will be at home.
What should i do about it?
-- Edited by nycbt at 18:46, 2006-01-02
((((((( nycbt ))))))
I know how you feel, keep your chin up. I know it feels nearly impossible when your heart sinks to your stomach. Try to focus on yourself & doing something good for you. I left my husband & doubt he will ever clean up his act.
Half of the time, it seems we are floundering in a sea of their whims/actions, the rest of the time - focusing on self. I used to pray to be selfish like that just a little bit, being such a martyr my entire life... no chance. I focus on myself, love myself ~ I sitll love other's but not at the expense of my own sanity ~ some days this is much harder than others.
First things first, love yourself, one moment at a time, you are worth it.
love, -K
I have to continously remind myself of the three C's. I can't control it, change it or cure it. I have no control over my boyfriend's behavior. That doesn't mean I have no control over mine. Obsessing initially may make me feel powerful and like I can control it but I can't. Catastrophizing may make me think that I can handle whatever the worst hands up. And I have dealt with some of the worst, unemployment (by him and me), no money (by him and me), awful obnoxious people he tried to bring in my home (not very well handled by me but I did the best I could and that is all I can do until I learn better), illness (my continual physical illness), a recession (no jobs to be had anywhere).
If you are anything like me maybe you have already handled some pretty tough times with your A and without your A. I have faith you can handle any other hard times too one minute at a time. If I try to handle them before they happen I get over controling and upset. So I have to focus on me and what will make me feel better and how I can work on myself and my goals and my issues and stop making the relationship all I focus on in my life.
I think it is a very very hard thing to handle that pit in the stomach without denial. I can acknowledge it and find ways to cope with it. I do not deny my boyfriend has issues but so do I and the best thing I can do today is work on mine. When he gets ready to work on his (if he ever does and that is his business not mine) I will be able to support him but trying to make him see that he hurts me with his drug use, his alcoholism hasn't worked yet.
maresie.
It's hard to detach sometimes.
I'm having similiar situations right now. My A's drinking has leveled off, leveled off relatively high but it's at least a constant. As I haven't engaged much, she has backed off most of the serious attacks and it's been almost bearable.
But....
I still can't stand to hear a slur, for her to forget something we talked about, for her to say something that makes no sense, to witness her typical A gait, to watch her wash down her psych meds w/ beer, literally. I still gets me anxious.
So I keep trying to focus on myself. I'm better off immersing myself in my recovery than her illness but it's not always easy.
Well I don't offer alot except to say that I'm going thru it too, and understand it's not easy to lose that feeling.
Bob