So I had a few ideas today about this most recent love affair of mine... there were subtle signs on the wall. I don't know. A man is short with you & it makes you want to chase him. This is what I have heard all of my life as a Southern girl... make the man chase you, hang up the phone first, don't ever divulge too much -- these "games" as I think of them, I have never been any good at.
I want gut wrenching brutal honesty. I guess everyone doesn't deserve it to know the truth. I need to realize ppl have to earn the right to know anything about me (for one) & that "having mystery" is a part of the 'chasing dance.'
Maybe I am not meant for relationships. Maybe next time, cuz I am very sexual & tend to get involved quickly, wait, become friends, be understood ~ ack ~ I have done that before too & it gives no guarantees. I am of the belief if you find love chase it, even if it is fleeting. Better to have loved & lost. Loving another has always made me realize something.
I have learned that just cuz I am not with an "A" it doesn't mean I won't be lied to. I attracted a 'nice guy' that was no A but was still lied to. He was considerate & loving towards me while we were together, what more can I ask?
But I also realize this was a diversion for me - which was good - I was focusing on my family too much & it did get the focus back on me. I am grateful to be where I am this moment. I am what is important. Loving myself is what is important, forgivingmyself for being human & being lied to ~ that wasn't 'my fault' I feel with all of this forgiveness work I am doing, I am moving into a state of grace.
At least I called my mom (twice) to make sure I actually spoke to her & sd HNY, otherwise, it would get worse & she would be much more cold & distant... I kept it short. Neither one of us sd "I love u" it is sad, we have this distance between us, we were SO close when I was a little kid.
-- Edited by kitty at 20:56, 2005-12-31
kitty said
Jan 1, 2006
Hopefully next year, I will be more open & all the wiser.
nmike said
Jan 1, 2006
kitty,
Don't give up. You are lovable and worth it. Happy New Year!
In support,
Nancy
bobump said
Jan 1, 2006
Kitty,
I'm happy that you were able to process this hurtful event and see the positives in it so quickly. You really turned the tables on this. It could have resent some of us back into our unhealthy cycles.
Keep laughing now that HP has let you in on the jokes. That's healthy too. Hear's to a Healthy New Year !
Bob
maresie said
Jan 2, 2006
I know for me personally getting involved too quickly is a way that I don't have good boundaries. I see actually seeing someone as not suitable as a success. After all there is really only one way to know and that is to test the waters with someone. For me one of the key pieces of work I need to do is to have a life that is positive and nuturing and satisfying regardless of what kind of relationship I have or don't I have with a boyfriend/husband. I am not there yet. I know that sense of not having draws me into settle, act hastily and not take into account what are my limits. I can ignored my limits when I am feeling deprived. I need to honor my limits at all times and be aware what they are and how they change over time.
So I had a few ideas today about this most recent love affair of mine... there were subtle signs on the wall. I don't know. A man is short with you & it makes you want to chase him. This is what I have heard all of my life as a Southern girl... make the man chase you, hang up the phone first, don't ever divulge too much -- these "games" as I think of them, I have never been any good at.
I want gut wrenching brutal honesty. I guess everyone doesn't deserve it to know the truth. I need to realize ppl have to earn the right to know anything about me (for one) & that "having mystery" is a part of the 'chasing dance.'
Maybe I am not meant for relationships. Maybe next time, cuz I am very sexual & tend to get involved quickly, wait, become friends, be understood ~ ack ~ I have done that before too & it gives no guarantees. I am of the belief if you find love chase it, even if it is fleeting. Better to have loved & lost. Loving another has always made me realize something.
I have learned that just cuz I am not with an "A" it doesn't mean I won't be lied to. I attracted a 'nice guy' that was no A but was still lied to. He was considerate & loving towards me while we were together, what more can I ask?
But I also realize this was a diversion for me - which was good - I was focusing on my family too much & it did get the focus back on me. I am grateful to be where I am this moment. I am what is important. Loving myself is what is important, forgivingmyself for being human & being lied to ~ that wasn't 'my fault' I feel with all of this forgiveness work I am doing, I am moving into a state of grace.
At least I called my mom (twice) to make sure I actually spoke to her & sd HNY, otherwise, it would get worse & she would be much more cold & distant... I kept it short. Neither one of us sd "I love u" it is sad, we have this distance between us, we were SO close when I was a little kid.
-- Edited by kitty at 20:56, 2005-12-31
kitty,
Don't give up. You are lovable and worth it. Happy New Year!
In support,
Nancy
Kitty,
I'm happy that you were able to process this hurtful event and see the positives in it so quickly. You really turned the tables on this. It could have resent some of us back into our unhealthy cycles.
Keep laughing now that HP has let you in on the jokes. That's healthy too. Hear's to a Healthy New Year !
Bob
I know for me personally getting involved too quickly is a way that I don't have good boundaries. I see actually seeing someone as not suitable as a success. After all there is really only one way to know and that is to test the waters with someone. For me one of the key pieces of work I need to do is to have a life that is positive and nuturing and satisfying regardless of what kind of relationship I have or don't I have with a boyfriend/husband. I am not there yet. I know that sense of not having draws me into settle, act hastily and not take into account what are my limits. I can ignored my limits when I am feeling deprived. I need to honor my limits at all times and be aware what they are and how they change over time.
Maresie.