Hi everyone, my name is Kelly. I'm married to an addict (everything from compulsive gambling, most recently, to binge drinker, to compulsive EVERYTHING he does). Hitting the bottom of the barrel recently (me too) and he's agreed to go to another in-patient (last one 10 years ago, before we met). We have four children, all under 8 years, who I'm sure have been gravely affected by this. The oldest just ignores the screaming now.....I'm sure I haven't helped the situation, but I've tried. I need to know what to do and not to do. I should have left long ago, but four kids later and depending on his income to survive...well, I'm sure you've heard it before. I've gotten a part time job to help get through the rehab, no other money will be coming in, but that's ok. I want him out of here and concentrating on his issues. Meanwhile, I need to pinpoint mine. Nice to be here!

Kelly,

Welcome to the site! It is nice to know that someone else is up early. Maybe because you have 4 kids. There is so much help and knowledge through Alanon. Either here or in f2f meetings. We learn the skills to live with alcoholism and addictions. My A is recovering but has other fixations like computer games and food. He has no control or these and I am learning that I have no control over him. We can take small baby steps that help us get through the day and take some of the intensity away. I think of your children. Are you talking to them about what is going on? Even with my older sons I feel I have to tell them that it is not their fault.

Keep coming back to the board.

In support,

Nancy

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One day at a time.

 

 

-- Edited by nmike at 08:07, 2005-12-31

Hi Kelly

 

Welcome to Miracles in progress and alanon.

Here is where we work on ourselves and our part in things.

Here are the 3 C's you did not cause it, you can't cure it and you can't control it - it being his drinking and addiction.

Alanon teaches us the 4th C - how to cope.

keep coming back

Megan

Thanks for the welcome. My kids are young, ages 2, 4, 6 & 8. I haven't talked to them about all of this yet. When he goes to rehab, we'll face that situation. They already know that Dad drinks his beer and is a "gambler". They comment on the lotto tickets and instant tickets they find in the car.....they know more than we think. I'm very honest with my children, much to my husband's dismay...who is not honest with anyone. Hopefully, the rehab will change that...he has been calling everyday waiting for an opening and seems serious so far. He still blames me for his first relapse, many years ago. When we met he was fresh in recovery and we went on a date to the racetrack which triggered his drinking, or so he says. I know it wasn't me. But if I knew then, what I know now.....it's been hell. I'm going to try to find a meeting, hopefully with childcare, lol. Thanks again.

 

Welcome Kelly,

    I am so glad that you found us.  Keep posting on the message board and join us in chat.  Try to attend local meetings too.  The healing has started.  So glad you are here.

                                               hugs,

                                               danz

Dear Kelly, Welcome! I hope you will keep posting on the boards, and, come into the chatroom, where there are 2 meetings a day. I note the part where you say he blames you for his relapse. LOL, I have been in alanon for 5 years, the number of times I have heard of an A blaming his/her spouse, boss, job..... one day, someone will blame the cat!!!! We didn't cause this illness. If he relapses, you have no control over it, and, sadly, we can't cure it - most of us try to do all 3 before alanon. Newbies are recommended not to make any major life changes until they have been in the program around 6 months. This is because we are very vulnerable, and desperate to find a fix it solution to our unhappiness. The exception is where you, or your children are in physical danger - in that case, you must get yourselves to a place of safety as the top priority. I hope you will find some of healing I have found in this program - am still very much a work in progress, but am so glad I found Alanon, it has changed my life. Lots of love, hope to see you in chatroom, Flora xxxx

My parents were gamblers. In many many ways every addict is a gambler because they take so many risks and live in a fantasy world.  I do know how it is to feel trapped in a relationship because of not having enough money, resources, solutions.  I can certainly empathize.  I look forward to getting to know you.

Maresie.