I don't get why my A says he is going out, and when I ask him not to, goes anyway, THEN calls me and wakes me up to tell me he is going to another bar. Why bother to call? He didn't care that I didn't want him to go in the first place, so why wake me to tell me where he is going? He says "I am just trying to be a nice guy". There is no use trying to figure it out I guess. I am just awake at 1:00am, and frustrated. Maybe he is going elsewhere and is guilty. Oh well. Thank you for listening.
Leah
nycbt said
Dec 31, 2005
Thank you or sharing. I also get upset when my husband goes out. He does do it any way. I do hate it. Around here the bars close around 2pm. My husband does come home around 11 but leaves around 8 or 9 and it seems like for ever.
lilleah said
Dec 31, 2005
my A stays out until 2:00. then, he says he'll call if he'll be later than 2:30, and I always sit here and worry. It stinks!
abbyal said
Dec 31, 2005
Hello Lill , trying to figure out what or why the alcoholic does anything is a waste of precious time better spent , you will never figure it out you are not alcoholic. Please go to f2f meetings and learn about this disease and what you can do for yourself to not let it destroy you too.
There is nothing you can do about him but alot u can do for yourself , detach with love and get your life back . And you don't have to leave your marriage to do that. Al-Anon will show you how.
the toll free number for info on meetings near you is 1-888-4alanon please call it will change your life. for the better. lines are open 8am -8pm eastern time mon -friday
His drinking has nothing to do with anything you are or are not doing , your not the reason he drinks. We are not powerful enough to make anyone drink OR stop. Regardless of what he may say he drinks because he has a problem period !
-- Edited by abbyal at 02:12, 2005-12-31
wille said
Dec 31, 2005
Hi Abby and to Leah,
Great reminders Abbs - the a is
an a as long as they wanna b that.
Its the holidays now and no doubt
some curious and interesting acting
out behaviours are going to b displayed.
I do keep chanting the serenity prayer
until whatever madness in front of my
eyes goes or I can leave instead. And
I can and do leave in a hot second. I
would be and am in favor of to recover.
The a-s keep trying to take me back to
the past. Now i have the tools to use to
free me and apply them to the a as needed.
lol
Gentle paths n light n love to all as you go
along the way to ur recovery
\/\/ille
megan said
Dec 31, 2005
Hi Leah
The alocholic not in recovery is going to drink, that is what they do.
When I went to my first face to face meeting last year I was told that I was living with insanity. Nothing makes sense and boy was this true!
This freed my mind from tyring to figure out WHY my husband did things and start to work on myself.
My sister was getting late phone calls from someone and she would complian to me over dinner - she KNOWS I go to bed early but she still keeps calling and my sister would be mad. I said - why not put your phone on vibrate in the other room and get the sleep you need.
She did this and has not complianed about being disturbed again.
Alanon teaches us to cope
keep coming back
Megan
canadianguy said
Dec 31, 2005
You're right Leah... it makes no sense.... And one of the things we DO learn in our recoveries, is to "stop trying to make sense, out of nonsense".
Most times, it's far better for us to stick to the "whats", instead of trying to figure out the "whys". Most of the answers to those dreaded "why" questions, even if we ever DID figure them out, wouldn't change a darned thing anyway....
Take care
Tom
maresie said
Jan 1, 2006
I can definitely drown in the "whys" myself. I cannot of course fix my boyfriend, his mother, his brother, his boss, his friends, the neighborhood, the world, everyone but me. I am last on the list. I have to be first on the list otherwise I won't make it through another year.
I don't get why my A says he is going out, and when I ask him not to, goes anyway, THEN calls me and wakes me up to tell me he is going to another bar. Why bother to call? He didn't care that I didn't want him to go in the first place, so why wake me to tell me where he is going? He says "I am just trying to be a nice guy". There is no use trying to figure it out I guess. I am just awake at 1:00am, and frustrated. Maybe he is going elsewhere and is guilty. Oh well. Thank you for listening.
Leah
Hello Lill , trying to figure out what or why the alcoholic does anything is a waste of precious time better spent , you will never figure it out you are not alcoholic. Please go to f2f meetings and learn about this disease and what you can do for yourself to not let it destroy you too.
There is nothing you can do about him but alot u can do for yourself , detach with love and get your life back . And you don't have to leave your marriage to do that. Al-Anon will show you how.
the toll free number for info on meetings near you is 1-888-4alanon please call it will change your life. for the better. lines are open 8am -8pm eastern time mon -friday
His drinking has nothing to do with anything you are or are not doing , your not the reason he drinks. We are not powerful enough to make anyone drink OR stop. Regardless of what he may say he drinks because he has a problem period !
-- Edited by abbyal at 02:12, 2005-12-31
Hi Leah
The alocholic not in recovery is going to drink, that is what they do.
When I went to my first face to face meeting last year I was told that I was living with insanity. Nothing makes sense and boy was this true!
This freed my mind from tyring to figure out WHY my husband did things and start to work on myself.
My sister was getting late phone calls from someone and she would complian to me over dinner - she KNOWS I go to bed early but she still keeps calling and my sister would be mad. I said - why not put your phone on vibrate in the other room and get the sleep you need.
She did this and has not complianed about being disturbed again.
Alanon teaches us to cope
keep coming back
Megan
You're right Leah... it makes no sense.... And one of the things we DO learn in our recoveries, is to "stop trying to make sense, out of nonsense".
Most times, it's far better for us to stick to the "whats", instead of trying to figure out the "whys". Most of the answers to those dreaded "why" questions, even if we ever DID figure them out, wouldn't change a darned thing anyway....
Take care
Tom
I can definitely drown in the "whys" myself. I cannot of course fix my boyfriend, his mother, his brother, his boss, his friends, the neighborhood, the world, everyone but me. I am last on the list. I have to be first on the list otherwise I won't make it through another year.
Maresie.