I have decided I want out of my relationship with my A. I have been thinking about it and going back and forth on it for quite some time now, but tonight my decision was clear. He said he was going out after work, and I asked him if he could wait until tomorrow, he said point blank "no" I was shocked. I don't know why I was, but I was. then he said "I am not playing your bullshit games." I said "I am not playing a game.I am asking you straight out if you'll just come home, and go out tomorrow night" He again said no. I don't know what it was about this time, it just suddenly hit me that he had NO respect for me or how I feel. and that a simple obvious request was viewed as game playing. I keep thinking "why can't he just come home?" but it does not matter. He can't, and I can't change it. I am asking for prayers that I keep the courage to end this. Because I always lose the nerve, but I do not want to be in this relationship any longer. I am just afraid to be alone, and I want my 2 kids to have their dad. But I am beginning to think they would grow up better without him. He puts me through a lot, and the other day, they witnessed a fight where he was throwing things at me. they are only 3 and 8mos, but my 3yr. old knew what was going on. I am thinking of the Serenity Prayer, and I am asking God to grant me the courage to change what I can.How can one human being have so little respect for another? I would come home if he asked me to. but again, that does not matter, what matters is that I am unhappy, and I want out. Anyway, thank you all.
Leah
WakingUp said
Dec 30, 2005
{{{{{{{{{Leah}}}}}}}}}} Keeping you in prayer for your strength, spiritual guidance, and serenity as you do what needs to be done.
nmike said
Dec 30, 2005
Leah,
They are self centered and it is the disease talking. You only have to make small decisions. And there always is a way. Take care of those children first. Keep coming back.
In support,
Nancy
fallgirl said
Dec 30, 2005
(((((((LEAH)))))) All the prayers in the world.....Just remember if your higher power brought you to it ...he will bring you thru it.
notsonew1111 said
Dec 31, 2005
(((leah))) i know how you feel. i used to ask myself the same thing over and over. why wont he come home to me? because he has an addiction, a horrible disease. the only thing that an a cares about is their booze and how they can get it. my prayers are with you.
leo said
Dec 31, 2005
Leah just remember throwing things is still violence. If you are afraid for your safety contact an agency now and have a back up plan to get yourself out of the house if you need to. If he is still using the violence will escalate. Time to take care of you. Praying that HP will look out for you and your babes. Leo xx
Maria123 said
Dec 31, 2005
Prayers we can give you Lilleah but only you have the courage to do what you need to do which is take good care of you and not subject your beautiful children to that.
A's do what A's do -- they drink -- plain and simple -- no need wasting any why's on it.
(((((((((((((Lilleah)))))))))))))) Prayers for you and the kids.
Maria123
whitie said
Dec 31, 2005
Leah,
You got my prayers girl. I remember having that same moment last April (the 4th to be exact!) when I Knew I wanted out. And from that moment I started planning on how to do it. I did it my way with out him knowing what was coming. Stay strong and do what is right for you and your babies. Pray for guidance and you will get it.
And take baby steps, you'll get there.
Whitie
debilyn said
Dec 31, 2005
leah,oh hon, I was reading and planned to answer people tomorrow. But your posts
really struck me.
Sweetie your story is my A's past. He saw his dad abuse his mom and more, much more.
If she had left back then, three precious children would have had a very
different life. He the eldest is an addict to everything. The mid son died of cirrosis after getting his life together. The beautiful little blond sister is a meth addict. Mom is
a prescription drug addict.
Don't rely on your own strength, rely on hp. One day at a time, there is a way
to do it and believe me you can be happy and thrive. There are lots of
opportunities for young single moms.
I don't know your situation, would parents help you? friends?
Keep writing here. will be thinking of you. love,debilyn
wille said
Dec 31, 2005
leah
prayers
\/\/ille
-- Edited by wille at 03:46, 2005-12-31
Picowitch said
Dec 31, 2005
My prayers are with you hon, hope u find the strength u need. I understand about your children but it is probably healthier for them to not grow up seeing those kind of fights and behaviour. Your A can still be a dad if its important enough to him to see his children sober he could still have access couldnt he.
Dont think about his needs though, they are his to sort out and prioritise - put your and your children's happiness first its the only destiny you can control.
Be strong.
confused said
Dec 31, 2005
My prayers are certainly with you. Take care of you and the kids. I can certainly relate to your post. I just recently told my A that he could not come home. It was a tough decision, and is very tough to stick to, but I cannot live with the insanity in my life right now. What I do know is this, you will know when it is the right time. I have threatened in the past that he could not be in the house. But I never followed through. I am fortunate that my children did not have to see outward signs ofg this disease, but sometimes that makes it even harder. There is not a lot of fighting but the internal turmoil is killing me. I made a conscious choice not to beg, plead, fight etc. when I knew he was drinking/using again. It was not worth it, I could not change it. As a result, I spent that energy trying to figure out what I needed to do for me and the kids. Traded in my very expensive car for a ower car payment, began work on refinancing the house, soul searched as to what I would need to do to get by on my own. Because although my a is a wonderful father, his disease is destroying him and I cannot count on the future only today and what I need to do.
My prayers are with you today,
Lynn
Diane43 said
Jan 1, 2006
Hi Leah,
Hugss to you!...just keep focused on you and your children..My prayers and thoughts are with you as we enter a New Year!! ...Hang in there!
I have decided I want out of my relationship with my A. I have been thinking about it and going back and forth on it for quite some time now, but tonight my decision was clear. He said he was going out after work, and I asked him if he could wait until tomorrow, he said point blank "no" I was shocked. I don't know why I was, but I was. then he said "I am not playing your bullshit games." I said "I am not playing a game.I am asking you straight out if you'll just come home, and go out tomorrow night" He again said no. I don't know what it was about this time, it just suddenly hit me that he had NO respect for me or how I feel. and that a simple obvious request was viewed as game playing. I keep thinking "why can't he just come home?" but it does not matter. He can't, and I can't change it. I am asking for prayers that I keep the courage to end this. Because I always lose the nerve, but I do not want to be in this relationship any longer. I am just afraid to be alone, and I want my 2 kids to have their dad. But I am beginning to think they would grow up better without him. He puts me through a lot, and the other day, they witnessed a fight where he was throwing things at me. they are only 3 and 8mos, but my 3yr. old knew what was going on. I am thinking of the Serenity Prayer, and I am asking God to grant me the courage to change what I can.How can one human being have so little respect for another? I would come home if he asked me to. but again, that does not matter, what matters is that I am unhappy, and I want out. Anyway, thank you all.
Leah
Leah,
They are self centered and it is the disease talking. You only have to make small decisions. And there always is a way. Take care of those children first. Keep coming back.
In support,
Nancy
(((((((LEAH)))))) All the prayers in the world.....Just remember if your higher power brought you to it ...he will bring you thru it.
Prayers we can give you Lilleah but only you have the courage to do what you need to do which is take good care of you and not subject your beautiful children to that.
A's do what A's do -- they drink -- plain and simple -- no need wasting any why's on it.
(((((((((((((Lilleah)))))))))))))) Prayers for you and the kids.
Maria123
-- Edited by wille at 03:46, 2005-12-31
My prayers are with you hon, hope u find the strength u need. I understand about your children but it is probably healthier for them to not grow up seeing those kind of fights and behaviour. Your A can still be a dad if its important enough to him to see his children sober he could still have access couldnt he.
Dont think about his needs though, they are his to sort out and prioritise - put your and your children's happiness first its the only destiny you can control.
Be strong.
Hi Leah,
Hugss to you!...just keep focused on you and your children..My prayers and thoughts are with you as we enter a New Year!! ...Hang in there!
A friend in recovery,
Diane