I am hitting the going on 2 month mark after breaking up with my ex and am starting to think about all the good things, the last month of out of nowhere craziness, the fact that he was pushing me away the last month - and I am starting to doubt.  I am starting to think it wasnt the drugs - it was he just decided he wanted something better than me.  I dont know why I am thinking this - I'm trying not to - I'm trying to stay positive and focus on my trip and my happiness since I have been very happy lately.  But it just keeps poisoning my thoughts and I cant kick it.  I know all the stories I have heard (even today) are all the same - are all about the A not caring about anyone but themselves and them pushing people they love away, etc.  But of course I still doubt - and I think well maybe it was different with us.  Maybe he just didnt want me. 

Is this normal?  Is this normal to feel and think this way - I know I deserve better - I know I wasnt a nagging girlfrend and I let him go when I couldnt compete with the drugs.  Why do I feel so sucky today?

Funny thing though - I actually woke myself up late last night by praying in my sleep about him.  Kinda freaky...

Hi Cyn,

Your post reminds me of when my boyfriend and I parted ways in May. Maybe it WAS me, not the drugs? Should I have done this or that differently. I would replay our conversations in my head.

The more I learn about myself, the more I learn about others' situations on this board and the more I learn in general about Al Anon, the healthier my thoughts are.

My relationship with him was dysfunctional, and I take responsibility for part of the break up. I am learning what is healthy and I am slowly getting back into dating.

My therapist calls it "practice dating." Go out, meet nice people, and take it slowly. Get to be friends with them and continue with self improvement. So, far that seems to be working.

I am definitely a work in progress. 

mollyann

hi Cyn, of course what you are feeling is normal. It is how you deal with it that is important. Sometimes I wonder if part of the Aism insanity we suffer, does its best to keep us wondering, keeps us second guessing. Maybe then it can draw us into the hole again. Does it really matter Cyn? You are suffering a loss, it is painful hard work to heal from it. I always hear,"Don't TRY, do it." Take care of you, tell yourself only positive feedback in your head. Stop any negative feedback, and fill in I like me. For me, I have to stop thinking of past and be in the moment. Taking only a bit at a time. For me the reasons don't matter, I know it was not a healthy relation ship, and I can only control me. I choose to let it go. love,debilyn