My husband has been out of the home for a month now due to violent behavior which resulted in a protective order.  I have had a difficult time with this.  I know I can't live with the drinking rages, but why am I struggling so?  I feel peace, but sadness and lonliness too.  It seems like I spend most of my days crying or thinking and wondering about him.  The least little thing will bring up a memory and I break down into tears.  I love and miss him, but I know I can't live the way we were living.  It is almost as if I am living through the death of someone.  Any advice?  Thanks you guys!

listen to me honey.....

this is the best possible place to b. this website has helped me. helped me to open up and cry my eyes out while im typing.

here, you arent judged....everyone understands....believe me...we are all or have been in the place you are now.

these people are like my 2nd family. the love and support network they give me is like no other.

i broke up with my ex-boyf. in august and we were together for over a year and half.

he was clean and sober all of that time. then started drinking and doing whatever. my trust died along with his sobriety that day.

over the past few months i have never felt sooo alone, lost, afraid, depressed, anxious, saddened and i felt i was abnormal...that i would never be able t cope from day to day.

n here you will come across people who have suffered alot more than you or I...but pain is pain.... hurt is hurt..and the only healer of that is time.

we are your friends in here.... it wasnt just by accident you found this website.... maybe it was your HP's way of letting you know your not alone.

keep coming back.... and look after NO. 1 thats YOU!

your friend in recovery

rebecca xxx

In some ways there is a death when our significant others do something that is incredibly destructive to us.  My boyfriend has done many many things that are destructive to me. He claims I have done many things that are destructive to him when I acted out my resentment. Of course I am supposed to not have any feelings while he self destructs inside me.  This is such a golden opportunity to look at how I have relationships, give too much, expect nothing, resent resent resent resent.

When I am apart from my boyfriend I miss him very much then I come home to find he's done one more destructive thing to annoy me.  I tend to want to get to "we" very quickly in any relationship be it work, friendship or anything, say "we" to me and I'll give you my soul if I need to in order to be affiliated. I felt that alienated as a child that made me incredibly vulnerable.  I think some relationships have taken me years to get over others weeks. I don't think one has to apply a timeline to it. I do know that when I get to a sense of resolution about a relationship oh this is what I learned from that it feels like a nice "fit". I know I am almost compulsive and addicted to going to people who can't meet my needs to cajole, fix, obsess about the fact they can't meet them and that's on me not them.  I can also be seduced and manipulated very very easily so I am willing now to become aware of it.

Being in a dysfunctional abusive relationship is incredibly painful but it can also be a way to open up issues I would never get in touch with otherwise. Hopefully in this process I will so get in touch with those issues my lifelong pattern of being in abusive relationships will end. I know they simply don't end by ending the relationship because Ive been there done that a lot on many many levels, work friendships whatever.  I know they do change and evolve by being in a process of examining, looking at, learning new skills and more.

Maresie.

 

The break up of a relationship/marriage divorce is similar to the feelings of losing one through death.  You grieve for what could have been and the fairtyale you envisaged your life would be with your partner.  It is okay to have these feelings cry when you need to and let it all out.  Luv Leo xx