My family is mostly gone now, and my husband and I have no children. The family we really have left is my sister, who is one of my qualifiers. After many, many years I have finally accepted that the relationship she and i have is going to be the one we have forever, as sad as that makes me. For most of my life I felt responsible for her, but that sense of responsibility doesn't enter into it much anymore for me. The hardest relationship I have right now is with my husband's only brother, who is a very difficutl person. He is a drinker, but I don't know if he has a problem or not. i only know that he cannot work through conflicts, and that he is the one who ends up being hurt. Also, lots of boundaries are not honored in the family. If i try to set a boundary with him, his mother ends up talking to me about it. Or, he will make comments about someone when they are out of the room, which he has done to me many times over the years. At this point, I don't trust him or like him at all. On the surface, the family is so "nice," always polite, but there is a lot of stepping around this difficult person. God forbid that his feelings should be hurt. Right now I am wanting to let go of a conversation I started with him, hoping we could work it thru to a new resolution and understanding. I think part of me wanted him to change, and I know that was unkind, but I also think my motives were partly good - that I wanted to open the lines of communication. He ended up blaming me, and i had so much shame and guilt for a few days. The program helped with that. but now we aren't talking, on my part because I don't know how to move ahead. Obviously, this is someone who is in my life, for better or for worse. Luckily, we live 1500 miles apart, but I do need to see him and hismother sometimes. Any thoughts? I would appreciate your experience, strength and hope. I want to be true to myself and also to be able to accept him as he is. But how do I move on from here? He is and always has been a big drain of energy, for me and in the family... mebjk

Me - great insights As the a fam ( I think they a ) starts to try to draw me in, I am so out of there. I screen my calls - I'm looking at a six month break from them. Some r like oh no - stay the night, we r safe and something triggers the a dynamics and I'm inwardly saying give it to h p - and seeing it float to h p. Its out of my hands, ya know? great share \/\/ille

I think I felt tremendously over responsible for my younger sister. Of course I was told that because in my family of origin my mother couldn't take care of us so projected that out.

I did take care of my younger sister emotionally a lot. I even almost got re-enmeshed with her and my older sister for a while. Then I set limits. Limits do not go down well in my family of origin. My issues are supposed to take one day tops and then I am supposed to be back helping everyone else.

I can get very tied up in knots trying to counsel and rescue (my speciality rescue sends me to my knees and exalts others) and I try to be incredibly boundaried around others these days.  I do have a great deal of compassion and care but I have to focus most of it on me at the moment.

Maresie.