Not doing so great right now and I cannot get in to the chat. My husband will probaby be discharged today. He asked if I would pick him up. I had told myself that if he was not going into treatment, I would not do this. I did not tell him that in advance and now don't know what to do. He is not coming home, except to get some things, he will be staying at his father's house. Not a good idea, not a healthy place, but I cannot make his choices for him. I talk to him often and miss him dearly, but cannot go back to that place where I have been. I am scared.
I had been trying to make plans with a friend to do a little shopping and go to lunch today, but even if I do not pick him up, I do not think it will work out. I do not want the boys at home when he comes to get his stuff, I do not think they need to see that. So I guess I will stick with them. When I told my younger son that Daddy was getting out of the hospital today he asked if we were picking him up. I think he wants to. He knows that he is not going to be coming home to stay and understands why. I don't suppose it makes it easier. It doesn't for me.
What a mess, just when I am trying to not have this disease control me I am stuck with indecision. I hate this whole thing.
danz123 said
Dec 27, 2005
((((((Lynn))))))
I know this is going to be a tough day for you. Remember that your hp is with you. Stay strong and pray, pray, pray. Stay close to alanon. Maybe you can get to a meeting today. Have you checked the schedule? Also have you tried rebooting your computer? Some people were able to get into chat after doing that. You and your family will be in my prayers. Call if you need me.
hugs,
Paula
megan said
Dec 27, 2005
Hi Lynn
(((Lynn)))
You and your family will be in my prayers today.
It is awfully hard not to take back your alcoholic.
I know. I left mine in May. I gave him a letter stating that in order for us to reconcile he would need to be sober for 6 months and in a program of recovery.
That is what I need.
I am still alone.
I am recovering slowly and steadily
Stay strong and keep busy.
In support
megan
lmt123 said
Dec 27, 2005
Hi Lynn,
I thought you might like to know that John had said, in one of his responses to toto's post a little while back, that if you have trouble getting into chat to try updating your java software. He included a link to do just that, and after I did it, I was able to get into chat. You might try that. It sure helped me, especially since I was needing so bad to get into the chat room for my own sanity!
Take care of yourself, and see you soon in chat.
(((hugs)))
kathi
leo said
Dec 27, 2005
Hi Lynn,
Thinking of you with a heavy heart and know this is going to be extremely hard for you. But what I find from reading your post is that you are still doing this with love. There is no anger and bitterness in it you are going to pick him up and he has family to go to. It is okay to look after you as well remember. Hopefully you can keep communication on a friendly basis whilst he is staying with his family and your kids will still have Dad in their lives but without the tension when he is under the same roof. Here for you if you need me. Luv Leo xx
maresie said
Dec 27, 2005
Myt boyfriend I learned went to some 12 step programs when he was in jail years ago for drug offences. He does not say anything about that to me. I resent deeply that he will not consider recovery. He has hepatitis c. This year he did not go to his brothers for Christmas and get stoned. I think that may be progress. I know I went with him and tried to monitor him and felt like I was someone who as totally ignored for a long time. Then I stopped going and in some ways that created a spiral effect. The marathon visits to his mother seem to be over. He takes the dog with him and can not be gone for 8 hours at a time anymore. I am so relieved. I do get to see some of my limit setting taking effect. Of course having endured it and being ensnared in it meant that I have tremendous resentments. I have to take responsibility for those. I am now working on saying NO when I feel a tremendous resentment might be in the works.
Maresie.
canadianguy said
Dec 27, 2005
Very tough stuff, but for what it's worth..... you are NOT closing the door on your husband..... you are giving him an option of making a healthy choice....
Your kids may or may not understand it all (heck, we don't even understand it all...), but all you can do is reassure them that you love them, and they are safe. Try not to involve yourself in their relationship with their Dad - that is his to work out.... No bad mouthing him, nor justifying his decisions or actions for them.... When my wife would do things that would disappoint my kids (and it happened often), I learned to simply listen, and then hug them, and told them I loved them..... It's really all we can do.
Take care
Tom
notsonew1111 said
Dec 27, 2005
((((((((((lynn))))))))))))) i am so sorry for what you are going for. please try the rebooting your computer. remember that night i couldnt get into chat? well im here for you to find a way to talk even if it means staying up till 5am just like we did.heck i'll stay up till 7 for you. luv ya lots and hope i can talk to you soon. you and your family are in my prayers.
((((((Lynn))))))
I know this is going to be a tough day for you. Remember that your hp is with you. Stay strong and pray, pray, pray. Stay close to alanon. Maybe you can get to a meeting today. Have you checked the schedule? Also have you tried rebooting your computer? Some people were able to get into chat after doing that. You and your family will be in my prayers. Call if you need me.
hugs,
Paula
Hi Lynn
(((Lynn)))
You and your family will be in my prayers today.
It is awfully hard not to take back your alcoholic.
I know. I left mine in May. I gave him a letter stating that in order for us to reconcile he would need to be sober for 6 months and in a program of recovery.
That is what I need.
I am still alone.
I am recovering slowly and steadily
Stay strong and keep busy.
In support
megan
Hi Lynn,
I thought you might like to know that John had said, in one of his responses to toto's post a little while back, that if you have trouble getting into chat to try updating your java software. He included a link to do just that, and after I did it, I was able to get into chat. You might try that. It sure helped me, especially since I was needing so bad to get into the chat room for my own sanity!
Take care of yourself, and see you soon in chat.
(((hugs)))
kathi
Hi Lynn,
Thinking of you with a heavy heart and know this is going to be extremely hard for you. But what I find from reading your post is that you are still doing this with love. There is no anger and bitterness in it you are going to pick him up and he has family to go to. It is okay to look after you as well remember. Hopefully you can keep communication on a friendly basis whilst he is staying with his family and your kids will still have Dad in their lives but without the tension when he is under the same roof. Here for you if you need me. Luv Leo xx
Myt boyfriend I learned went to some 12 step programs when he was in jail years ago for drug offences. He does not say anything about that to me. I resent deeply that he will not consider recovery. He has hepatitis c. This year he did not go to his brothers for Christmas and get stoned. I think that may be progress. I know I went with him and tried to monitor him and felt like I was someone who as totally ignored for a long time. Then I stopped going and in some ways that created a spiral effect. The marathon visits to his mother seem to be over. He takes the dog with him and can not be gone for 8 hours at a time anymore. I am so relieved. I do get to see some of my limit setting taking effect. Of course having endured it and being ensnared in it meant that I have tremendous resentments. I have to take responsibility for those. I am now working on saying NO when I feel a tremendous resentment might be in the works.
Maresie.
Very tough stuff, but for what it's worth..... you are NOT closing the door on your husband..... you are giving him an option of making a healthy choice....
Your kids may or may not understand it all (heck, we don't even understand it all...), but all you can do is reassure them that you love them, and they are safe. Try not to involve yourself in their relationship with their Dad - that is his to work out.... No bad mouthing him, nor justifying his decisions or actions for them.... When my wife would do things that would disappoint my kids (and it happened often), I learned to simply listen, and then hug them, and told them I loved them..... It's really all we can do.
Take care
Tom
((((((((((lynn))))))))))))) i am so sorry for what you are going for. please try the rebooting your computer. remember that night i couldnt get into chat? well im here for you to find a way to talk even if it means staying up till 5am just like we did.heck i'll stay up till 7 for you. luv ya lots and hope i can talk to you soon. you and your family are in my prayers.