I was reading over posts and noted that someone was told it is better to not make any changes in the first 6 months of being in Alanon.  I heartily agree but find that I have no choice in the matter of changes in my own life.  I wish that 6 months of recovery could have passed before these changes began.  Instead, my g/f breaks up with me a month into recovery; my roommates discusses selling the house right after that; I am starting teaching a new class this upcoming semester; and I am losing friends to their lifestyles.

It seems that, for me, Alanon needs to be one of the few stabilities I have in my life for the months to come.  Each morning I wake up to new stressors and wonder what I will be up to accomplishing that day.  Last week I accomplished relatively little as I stayed in bed very depressed.  However, on Thursday, I was able to track down a psychologist under my insurance who is able to work with ACOA, Alanon, and depression.  I forgot to ask how she felt about dealing with my sexuality.  Anyway, the appointment is for tomorrow at 530 pm.  I am looking forward to it but am also very scared at the same time.

The second thing I accomplished on Thursday was going to one of our community centers in town and checking out the housing listings.  I also picked up two community newspapers for the housing sections.  It is my goal to call on the rentals I noted during the week ahead.

Today I stayed home.  I was all over town yesterday for Christmas events so today I stayed home and started packing items I won't likely need before I move - my goal is the beginning of February.

Tomorrow, I have a busy day.  I hope to accomplish several things.  I have my yearly physical in the morning.  Want to stop at the bank for a line of credit so I can afford a rental deposit and moving expenses.  Have several DVDs and VHS tapes to resell if possible.  Need to stop in at work and do some planning.  Then I have my therapist appt.  After all of that, I am hoping to have the energy to treat myself to some local music at a cafe downtown.  Even though, with careful planning and time management I should have a few hours of downtime during the day, this list feels overwhelming.  The dvd/tapes can wait if I get too stressed.  Time to start trusting my HP to be with me and help me through the day.

Thank you everyone for being here and showing caring to me.  I am still depressed but trying to work through it a little bit each day.  I do regret not having the 6 months before major changes but I need to keep the Serenity Prayer in my mind constantly.  I need serenity to accept that which I can't control, courage to change what I can, and definitely wisdom to know the difference.

Angelina

Angel, I sure wish I could accomplish all that you did in a week that I "spent in bed". You are stronger than you think you are. You are doing great taking care of you. Don't be hard on yourself if you don't get it all done in a day, don't sweat the small stuff and make sure you do put in the time for you. The music sounds like great fun. Stay focused, you are doing great. In recovery, Lynn

(((angelina))) sounds like you are taking some great steps to take care of yourself. congrats for keeping the focus on you even in the midst of a stress maelstrom :) stick with it and i think you'll find, as I did, that in six months some things are vastly different in your life, for the better. i wish you best of luck on your journey in 2006 from one acoa to another. -Kristen

Hi Angelina sometimes change is forced upon us but it happens for reasons that unknown to us create new beginnings.  Because there is such a tremendous shift in your circumstances with housing, your break up etc my gut feeling tells me there is something good coming up for you.  Hope 2006 brings you all the happiness you deserve.  Luv Leo xx

I have lost many many friends to substance abuse. Now I am willing to lose them. I was not before. 

 

I can understand the issue of not wanting change and being dragged along by it. I think my last 5years with my boyfriend and my own issues have been really tumultuous.  At the same time I have worked on my issues too.  This last year I worked on a lot of childhood issues. I worked on and resolved some of them. There are more issues to deal with and I feel a pressing desire to mow through them but I have learned this is not the way to go.

Maresie.

Hello Angeline, sometimes circumstances make decissions for us,sounds to me like your rolling with the punches and doing the footwork. Don't be so hard on yourself, you have accomplished alot in a few weeks of finding us.   Keep the focus on your needs and you will be just fine.

The therepist is a great idea therapy and Al-Anon work great together another positive thing u have done for yourself, oh and as to your sexuality that is no ones business but yours it shouldn't be an issue where ever u go for help.     goodluck just keep doing what your doing it will slide together just the way it's supposed to.   Louise

When it all seems to be too much to carry - try putting it down and look UP !  a little quote that got me thru alot of crappy days.

Thank you for all the wonderful responses.

I got through the day yesterday - very busy.  Work is the only thing I did not do.  After trying to go to the bank - which was closed an extra day for the holiday - I ate lunch and took a nap.  Needed it after driving around town.  So I was rested when I went to the therapist appt.

Bonus - I even called a few of the rentals I was interested in - unfortunately, they are already rented out.

So today, my goals are the bank, work, and my f2f meeting tonight.  Have a great day everyone.

One day at a time, right??

Angelina