Christmas Eve, which had been traditionally my holiday to do (I'm Italian and since my mother's death I had taken over the fish feast)...but this year we decided to go out to dinner and at first Iwas upset...then I realized it would give me a much needed break, which it was. MY parents had wanted to me to stay over their house that night so I wouldn't wake up alone...but I decided to go home and it wasn't bad at all....Actually I was quite proud of how well I handled it. My A called in the morning from the detox.....that was the saddest part of my day....the rest of the day was spent with my family ...eating, laughing and enjoying one another........Spoke to my A last night and while he was crying and apologizing for ruining my Christmas,  I told him that this was the best Christmas present he could've given me....for him to be on the outside and giving me a bunch of gifts while still using and cheating...well....that wouldn't mean anything....he felt better and it said it had gotten him through the day...which I felt better about too...the lack of anger....you know what? He didn't ruin my Christmas...my Christmas was wonderful.....my parents and sisters and aunt and uncle and cousin and I all had so much fun....and I'm glad......Anyway...today he is supposed to  find out where he is going to rehab and when.....I have plenty of plans all week....today I am just going to relax.....Hope you all had a good holiday......:)

Kim,

Great, I can feel your enthusiasm and fun thru cyberspace. My recovering A husband always says that he wishes he was Italian so he could express his emotions. The best to your husband in recovery. Our holidays were so much better without too many expectations.

In support,

Nancy

Kim

I'm glad you had an good Xmas.  Your thoughts reminded me of the freedom I felt at the time my wife was a in treatment.  I found out who I was and began seeing that making my own decisions (not always checking w/ spouse) felt good, right & worked.  There was much growth for me during that time.

It's sounds as if you have plans to keep buzy.  Doing positive things during that time really helped.

Alan

Kim, Glad you had a good Chirstmas. It's funny how we think that we are going to feel about something and when the event actually happens we don't. I thought for sure yesterday was going to be a downer because my A went to spend Christmas with his kids and the ex was going to be there. I wasn't worried about him relapsing but I was concerned about his reaction to all the emotions he's suddenly feeling, etc. Turned my day was fine. I went to my sisters and the brother-in-law was high (sister is in denial about that) and then served dinner in a shelter and then friends came over later. I had a really nice, long and busy day. Today I too am just taking it easy. The best gift you can give yourself any time is to take care of you. No one can do it better than you. Live strong, Karilynn

my boyfriend normally goes to his mother's and comes back and that is the sole point of contention for the day. I don't know what his mother has done (maybe she has gone to other relatives who knows?).  He didn't go which was good.  I do detach but she plies him with alcohol (both her sons are substance abusers but she has to have alcohol at the table) and I worry about him getting  a dui. I turn this over now, anything can happen anytime anyplace but it is more likely to happen to him because he invites it.

 

I didn't have a great Christmas but I didn't have to deal with her. I detach as best I can but some of the stuff she has done and some of her self absorbedness does get to me still.  I work on knowing nothing and that helps a lot.

 

Maresie.

Way to go Kim.... sounds awesome, and YOU deserve a big chunk of the credit for how well your Christmas went......  You made the choice on how well YOU could enjoy yourself...

Take care

Tom