I am bawling in my office on Christmas Day because I am realizing how incredibly emotionally screwed up my entire life has been. I am only recently realizing I have been emotionally abused my entire life - and my heart hurts so much. I know I am strong enough to be ok with myself - getting stronger everyday. I know I could easily get in my car and drive home - pop in a movie, make myself some popcorn and enjoy the night by myself. I would be really ok with that. But I have this adorable 2 year old niece who lives in Virginia who I see only 4 times a year and she is at my parents house. I cant bear the thought of not being with her today - for the rest of the day and have her leave tomorrow. Am I making the right decision to empower myself? Am I just giving my parents more of a reason to abuse me? I just called the house and told my father I will come back under one condition - that he apologizes to me for telling me to not bother to come there next christmas and that I could just leave. He claims he doesnt remember saying this - and said he was sorry. But that he was up to his elbows in nasty water from the sink. So I told him - it is NOT ok to take that out on me - that is ABUSE! That he just told his child not to bother to come home for Christmas next year is verbal abuse and downright cruel - so how could I NOT feel unwelcome there?
Am I being weak going back? I walked away from someone I loved 2 months ago because I didnt like the way I was being treated and I knew it would only get worse - but I am going back to my parents house where I HATE the holidays and feel miserable every year when I am there. Is going back for my niece the right thing?? I let him know that if he ever treats me like that again - or if my mother does that I will walk right out of that house and they will never see me again.
I have never actually walked out of the house like this before - this is a FIRST for me - is it ok to go back??
-- Edited by Cyn at 16:32, 2005-12-25
just me said
Dec 25, 2005
My friend Carla is sitting here crying because her niece has been gone for 7 years. She passed away from brain cancer at 4 yrs old. I have a 4 1/2 yr old who is at her dad's right now. I was lucky to have her this morning. My sister is here crying into her "medicinal" weed. Her 18 yr old only son died last April in a skate boarding accident. You are not alone. We love you whatever you do. Are you staying or going?
Julia
leo said
Dec 25, 2005
Hi Cyn,
Do what your heart tells you to do. Just so you don't think that you are the only one with family like that my Mum just rang to tell me that at my Aunties house 1300kms away her and her sister had a fight her sister's husband had just walked out, he wasn't listening to the s..t etc. This happens every year it is my Dad's family and I haven't been there for years as I live so far away but I smile to myself for this is normal for them. When my Dad was alive he used to call it the house of fools. Deep down they all love each other but shouldn't spend Xmas together as the personalities clash and they all end up having a rotten day. Hope whatever you choose ends ups making you smile. Luv Leo xx
maresie said
Dec 27, 2005
I stopped going to Christmas at my boyfriend's family because of huge resentment. Basically I now know he set me up to babysit his mother while he smoked weed in the back with his mother. Yeah I needed that job. I resigned from that one but not the resentment. I have to mourn and let go of it now because I am certainly not picking up that ball of wax again. I have been involved with alcoholics on many many levels for years. I was thinking the other day about my ex boyfriend who did not send me even an e-card. I think he drowned his sorrows at Christmas. He as laid off from his job, he lost his dog (never mind he neglected the dog horribly) he usually drowned his sorrows I just didn't notice I was too busy taking on the martyr mantle and feeling like he didn't love me. This year I can detach from that. I know I don't want to be invovled with that craziness anymore. I also know that I did not notice a lot of dysfunction because my own family were so far out there I did not know what dysfunction was on many many many many levels.
My boyfriend's mother would swear up and down she does not have a substance abuse problem. She is surrounded by people who have them but she does not have it. She can now she can live that way I can't.
I am bawling in my office on Christmas Day because I am realizing how incredibly emotionally screwed up my entire life has been. I am only recently realizing I have been emotionally abused my entire life - and my heart hurts so much. I know I am strong enough to be ok with myself - getting stronger everyday. I know I could easily get in my car and drive home - pop in a movie, make myself some popcorn and enjoy the night by myself. I would be really ok with that. But I have this adorable 2 year old niece who lives in Virginia who I see only 4 times a year and she is at my parents house. I cant bear the thought of not being with her today - for the rest of the day and have her leave tomorrow. Am I making the right decision to empower myself? Am I just giving my parents more of a reason to abuse me? I just called the house and told my father I will come back under one condition - that he apologizes to me for telling me to not bother to come there next christmas and that I could just leave. He claims he doesnt remember saying this - and said he was sorry. But that he was up to his elbows in nasty water from the sink. So I told him - it is NOT ok to take that out on me - that is ABUSE! That he just told his child not to bother to come home for Christmas next year is verbal abuse and downright cruel - so how could I NOT feel unwelcome there?
Am I being weak going back? I walked away from someone I loved 2 months ago because I didnt like the way I was being treated and I knew it would only get worse - but I am going back to my parents house where I HATE the holidays and feel miserable every year when I am there. Is going back for my niece the right thing?? I let him know that if he ever treats me like that again - or if my mother does that I will walk right out of that house and they will never see me again.
I have never actually walked out of the house like this before - this is a FIRST for me - is it ok to go back??
-- Edited by Cyn at 16:32, 2005-12-25
My friend Carla is sitting here crying because her niece has been gone for 7 years. She passed away from brain cancer at 4 yrs old. I have a 4 1/2 yr old who is at her dad's right now. I was lucky to have her this morning. My sister is here crying into her "medicinal" weed. Her 18 yr old only son died last April in a skate boarding accident. You are not alone. We love you whatever you do. Are you staying or going?
Julia
Hi Cyn,
Do what your heart tells you to do. Just so you don't think that you are the only one with family like that my Mum just rang to tell me that at my Aunties house 1300kms away her and her sister had a fight her sister's husband had just walked out, he wasn't listening to the s..t etc. This happens every year it is my Dad's family and I haven't been there for years as I live so far away but I smile to myself for this is normal for them. When my Dad was alive he used to call it the house of fools. Deep down they all love each other but shouldn't spend Xmas together as the personalities clash and they all end up having a rotten day. Hope whatever you choose ends ups making you smile. Luv Leo xx
I stopped going to Christmas at my boyfriend's family because of huge resentment. Basically I now know he set me up to babysit his mother while he smoked weed in the back with his mother. Yeah I needed that job. I resigned from that one but not the resentment. I have to mourn and let go of it now because I am certainly not picking up that ball of wax again. I have been involved with alcoholics on many many levels for years. I was thinking the other day about my ex boyfriend who did not send me even an e-card. I think he drowned his sorrows at Christmas. He as laid off from his job, he lost his dog (never mind he neglected the dog horribly) he usually drowned his sorrows I just didn't notice I was too busy taking on the martyr mantle and feeling like he didn't love me. This year I can detach from that. I know I don't want to be invovled with that craziness anymore. I also know that I did not notice a lot of dysfunction because my own family were so far out there I did not know what dysfunction was on many many many many levels.
My boyfriend's mother would swear up and down she does not have a substance abuse problem. She is surrounded by people who have them but she does not have it. She can now she can live that way I can't.
Maresie.