Christmas has been very different this year for me. First and formost my husband, my A, in not in the house. Second, On Christmas Eve we had my daughter's boyfrined's family over for dinner, before church. I don't host very often so I was real nervous. I only messed up 2 of the four things I cooked... forgot to put the potatoes in the oven and forgot to take the beans out. It all got eaten though. It was nice, and I got a chance to really meet his parents and grandmother. Third, Last night (Christmas Eve) I went to bed before the kids (16,17). I put the gifts I had under the tree and went to bed trying to get rif of a migraine. It was an odd feeling to know it was Christmas Eve and the kids saw their gifts and were putting the house to bed. Fourth, On Christams Day (today), it was just me and the kids. We has a really nice time. They then took the dog and went to my A's house for a few hours. It was so quiet here. I picked up a few things and took a nice long hot bath, with some nice relaxing music. I then relaxed on the couch, listening to Christmas music, with my sunglasses on (day 4 of migraines) and my eyes closed. It was peaceful. When my kids came home my daughter's boyfrined came over and they swapped gifts. We had lunch with him and he stayed a few hours. We are now heading out to my parents house where my brother and his girlfriend are staying. This will be the hardest part of my day. I thought it would have been when I was alone but that really went well (I even turned down a breakfast at a friends house during that time). I will keep in touch with my HP while I am at my parents as I did the other night when I was there. I am hopeful it will go as smooth as my morning. It really is odd but I think this has been the most reaxing Christmas in many many years. I even talked to my A and wished him Merry Christmas. Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and a peaceful day. Linda

Linda, you have inspired me. I have really bad PMS today. Sucks when I have two kids (6 and 8) who are so excited, but I am so excitable...LOL I have sent them outside to play, and am enjoying some peace and quiet too. I have a big dinner tonight that I feel like I don't want to go to, but I always enjoy being surrounded by people when I actually get out... I think I too will go have a tub, and enjoy some peace and quiet. I am greatful that there is no beer in the house for my A to drink... Merry Christmas to you too. With Love, Aron

Letting go of what I want and fantasize about has been difficult.  Last year I had a fantasy Christmas planned. I had a friend in Maui who had just got out of a difficult relationship. I was going to go stay with her. Somehow I had this idea it would be a holiday. Her boyfriend lives down the street and often menances her and is nasty and she is obsessed with him and spends the day either going out of her way not to run into him or obsessing for a long long time when she does see him. Eventually I got the idea that would not be recuperative for me.  At the same time there is an addict part of me that thinks rescuing, curing and obsessing about others is all I was put here to do.

This year I have just been home with my boyfriend and watching some TV (although there is not much to watch).  I have been working on my issues and trying to take care of myself. I  can't say I do the taking care of myself much. I am aware that I may need balance in my life and I am not sure how to get it but I am aware that I need it. I think for me that is a lot of progress.

 

Maresie.