I am so close to just giving up, I am tired of living with alcoholic parents, my dad is in recovery, and my mom is an alky she just won't addmit it yet, hpoefully one day she will...I try so hard to cope with everything around here, I am quiet and out of the way, I just don't knw what to do, what to say, I want to help them but I just can't, they don't listen...I have been to alateen, and alanon and all of that, and it has helped, but I dont get the chance to go maybe if I am lucky once a month...So I just sit here and hide on the computer all day and take care of my sister, I just need someone to talk to....idk is it even worth it?
megan said
Dec 25, 2005
Hi Joycie
There are online meetings here every day at 9am EST and every evening at 9pm EST.
It is worth it to work the alanon program.
I have been here over a year and it has helped me alot.
Keep coming back
In support
megan
Christy said
Dec 25, 2005
Joycie,
It won't always be like this hon. You are going to grow up, become independent and live your life how you want to.
Until that happens, learn all you can about alcoholism. Many children of alcoholics will marry an alcoholic. Take this opportunity to read all you can. There are lots of books to help and as Megan said you can come to online meetings..
I don't know the circumstances of why you can only attend Alateen once a month but have you asked at a Alateen meeting if someone could give you a ride?
It's wonderful that your Dad is in recovery :) I wish him the best.
You didn't Cause it, you can't Control it, and you can't Cure it.
Hold on sweetie, you can do this !
Christy
confused said
Dec 25, 2005
Joycie,
I am so sorry that you are having a difficult time. Are you able to talk with your dad about how you are feeling. If he is in recovery, then perhaps he can help you with the same. Maybe there are meetings close by the AA meetings he attends, if he does. What about at school? Is there someone there that you can talk to. Don't assume that all the adults at school have perfect lives to go home to and would not understand. I teach 8th grade, probably about the age you are, and probably do not look like I have the mess in my life when I am at work, but I would certainly understand and do whatever I could to help a student. Believe it or not, the people at school probably already have an idea that something is not ok, I usually do with my students.
Try to attend the online meetings if you can, do what you need to to keep yourself ok. I wish you a very Merry Christmas and want you to know that there is a purpose, you have given hope to me that my own children will reach out when they are ready and I hope that there is someone there to catch them.
Take care of you, the rest will come,
Lynn
nmike said
Dec 25, 2005
Joycie,
It is worth to survive and not let the disease defeat us. It is worth it and you are worth it. When you say it out loud it takes some of the power away from it. When you are down sometimes you are caring your A's emotions for them. You are a precious child of your HP and your HP has a plan for YOU. You help us see the disease when you post here. Do what you can and ask for help. We are here for you.
In support,
Nancy
WakingUp said
Dec 25, 2005
Hi Joycie,
BTDT, bought the tee shirt, and I can definitely relate. I'm 57 now, but when I was 16, my dad had just re-married, a very nice alcholic woman. She read my diary so I burned it. She wanted to take over all the housekeeping & cooking (I had done it for my dad and brother for the previous couple of years), but she forgot to feed me. She really was a nice woman, just lost in her disease. (Eventually she found AA and quit drinking.)
Just don't make the mistake I did. I couldn't return to my mom's house, who was very like an alcoholic herself. And I couldn't stay with my dad and stepmom. In order to get out, I got pregnant and got married. We starved! We moved about 15 times in 3 years (couldn't pay the rent.) We were almost homeless, and with a baby.
If I had the choice to make again, I would stick it out with my dad and stepmother. I would get a part-time job after school, work double hard in school and go to college (I eventually went, but it was night school after a full day of work), and beef up my relationships with friends my age and with adults who were good role models.
In terms of how long your life has been, a few years may seem like a long long time. Looking back over my (longer) life, however, I can say that the choices I made when I was a teen and desperate to get out of that house have affected my entire life -- financially, emotionally, and physically.
I heard a new version of the Serenity Prayer at my f2f meeting the other night. During the sharing time, someone said their short version is "Suck it up!" That got a big laugh, and I understood what she meant. It takes a lot of strength sometimes to suck it up, be cool, and make good choices for your own life.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Joycie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Joycie said
Dec 25, 2005
Yeah I guess, I keep coming back to Alanon and alateen, I am only able to atend alateen maybe once a month because of school, and what not... and my mom doesnt approve of me going so that cuts out two weeks of the month, and the other two I am with my dad, and he works all day goes two AA and comes home and takes care of us (I have 4 other sisters) and his new wife (my stepmom) thank you guys SO much you have NO idea how much your comments lifted my spirit. ya'll can email me anytime I can always use someone to talk to at chattergirl686@yahoo.com , and by the way I am 14, lol, and thank you to those of you who told me about the online meeting I ihad no idea that those things existed I have seem like message boards like this but nothing else, lol well ttyl
<3 Joycie
leo said
Dec 25, 2005
HI sweetie,
Try and have a good xmas amidst the chaos around you. There are a few members on here who are living the same lifestyle as you. I am sure they will reach out to you and there is lots of love and support on here anytime you want it. Luv Leo xx
maresie said
Dec 26, 2005
I can certainly empathise with others that being a teenager and dealing with a dysfunctional family seems endless. I know when I was a teenager dealing with a family in total chaos felt tremendously shaming and difficult. I am in the process now of grieving my family years as a teenager and it is very very painful stuff.
I can't say that I wish I had been able to make other choices then. There were no choices that were good to make, that is the classic double bind whatever I would have done would have been tremendously difficult. I also can't say that I could have/should have/would have because its taken me long enough to get to this place.
I just know that I get a lot out of detaching and working on my own issues. I know why I obsessed and controlled and raged and screamed. I know now that I have a choice about it but before I did not feel I had a choice about it at all.
I am so close to just giving up, I am tired of living with alcoholic parents, my dad is in recovery, and my mom is an alky she just won't addmit it yet, hpoefully one day she will...I try so hard to cope with everything around here, I am quiet and out of the way, I just don't knw what to do, what to say, I want to help them but I just can't, they don't listen...I have been to alateen, and alanon and all of that, and it has helped, but I dont get the chance to go maybe if I am lucky once a month...So I just sit here and hide on the computer all day and take care of my sister, I just need someone to talk to....idk is it even worth it?
Hi Joycie
There are online meetings here every day at 9am EST and every evening at 9pm EST.
It is worth it to work the alanon program.
I have been here over a year and it has helped me alot.
Keep coming back
In support
megan
Joycie,
It is worth to survive and not let the disease defeat us. It is worth it and you are worth it. When you say it out loud it takes some of the power away from it. When you are down sometimes you are caring your A's emotions for them. You are a precious child of your HP and your HP has a plan for YOU. You help us see the disease when you post here. Do what you can and ask for help. We are here for you.
In support,
Nancy
Hi Joycie,
BTDT, bought the tee shirt, and I can definitely relate. I'm 57 now, but when I was 16, my dad had just re-married, a very nice alcholic woman. She read my diary so I burned it. She wanted to take over all the housekeeping & cooking (I had done it for my dad and brother for the previous couple of years), but she forgot to feed me. She really was a nice woman, just lost in her disease. (Eventually she found AA and quit drinking.)
Just don't make the mistake I did. I couldn't return to my mom's house, who was very like an alcoholic herself. And I couldn't stay with my dad and stepmom. In order to get out, I got pregnant and got married. We starved! We moved about 15 times in 3 years (couldn't pay the rent.) We were almost homeless, and with a baby.
If I had the choice to make again, I would stick it out with my dad and stepmother. I would get a part-time job after school, work double hard in school and go to college (I eventually went, but it was night school after a full day of work), and beef up my relationships with friends my age and with adults who were good role models.
In terms of how long your life has been, a few years may seem like a long long time. Looking back over my (longer) life, however, I can say that the choices I made when I was a teen and desperate to get out of that house have affected my entire life -- financially, emotionally, and physically.
I heard a new version of the Serenity Prayer at my f2f meeting the other night. During the sharing time, someone said their short version is "Suck it up!" That got a big laugh, and I understood what she meant. It takes a lot of strength sometimes to suck it up, be cool, and make good choices for your own life.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Joycie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Yeah I guess, I keep coming back to Alanon and alateen, I am only able to atend alateen maybe once a month because of school, and what not... and my mom doesnt approve of me going so that cuts out two weeks of the month, and the other two I am with my dad, and he works all day goes two AA and comes home and takes care of us (I have 4 other sisters) and his new wife (my stepmom) thank you guys SO much you have NO idea how much your comments lifted my spirit. ya'll can email me anytime I can always use someone to talk to at chattergirl686@yahoo.com , and by the way I am 14, lol, and thank you to those of you who told me about the online meeting I ihad no idea that those things existed I have seem like message boards like this but nothing else, lol well ttyl
<3 Joycie
HI sweetie,
Try and have a good xmas amidst the chaos around you. There are a few members on here who are living the same lifestyle as you. I am sure they will reach out to you and there is lots of love and support on here anytime you want it. Luv Leo xx
I can certainly empathise with others that being a teenager and dealing with a dysfunctional family seems endless. I know when I was a teenager dealing with a family in total chaos felt tremendously shaming and difficult. I am in the process now of grieving my family years as a teenager and it is very very painful stuff.
I can't say that I wish I had been able to make other choices then. There were no choices that were good to make, that is the classic double bind whatever I would have done would have been tremendously difficult. I also can't say that I could have/should have/would have because its taken me long enough to get to this place.
I just know that I get a lot out of detaching and working on my own issues. I know why I obsessed and controlled and raged and screamed. I know now that I have a choice about it but before I did not feel I had a choice about it at all.
Maresie.