im doing what i can to feel sane tonight. dont know what to do. im basically feeling alone and suicidal right now. i feel like no one cares about me or what happens to me. ive called numerous distress lines that have not helped. i took xanex to relax. all of my close friends are out of town and i dont want to bother them. because i am the stupid one who chose to stay in this stupid relationship. so its my fault. i dont know what to do. i really need esh right now and support and am trying in all the ways i know to get it. i will not kill myself i just feel like i want my life to end because im sick of dealing with all this crap. i hate how my a's desicions make me feel this way. yes i choose to let them effect me but how can i not. i am not doing good. i text messaged him because he wont answer his phone and told him to leave me alone forever. i hope he does just that so i can get healthy again. i dont need his crap anymore. im so sick of him telling me im gonna stay sober.. bs.. im very worried about how i will make next months rent as i havent been to work in two weeks cause ive been ill. im just so overwelmed right now and dont know how to cope. ive prayed said the slogans and i still dont feel right. i hope someone can relate to me and reach back out to me like i am to you. i need love right now.
Christy said
Dec 24, 2005
(((not))))
Come back in to chat..I was talking to you in there when you left ..I wasn't saying much thought you needed to vent.
People do care :)
Christy
Jeannie said
Dec 24, 2005
((((Not))))
This time of year can be so hard, and it can make anyone feel alone.
First of all stop beating yourself up. You do not deserve to be unhappy. Okay you are letting your husbands actions get to you. That's what we Alanoners do. It is time to pick yourslef up, dust yourself off and start worrying about you.
Don't look at the big picture, bills and all, it will drive you nuts. Try and get yourself well enough to get back to work, then take it one day at a time, or one hour at a time if thats all you can manage. Make this a take care of you weekend. Get some rest, treat yourself special and build yourslef back up. Sometimes if you do it right, you can be the very best company for you. Remember, as long as your computer is on, you are not alone, you have all of us.
Love Jeannie
tea2 said
Dec 24, 2005
(((notsonew))) I understand you must be upset now, the holidays are hard. Please go easy on you. I did say I read the post earlier to you as well. Please don't feel we don't care. Lots of well wishes -and please keep coming, tracey
Maria123 said
Dec 24, 2005
((((((((((((NSN))))))))))))),
I just want to say that you are loved here. I know you haven't been feeling well but do whatever you can for yourself.
"When I got busy, I got better." When you get busy, you help distract your mind. You get things done that need doing and somehow never have the time. Maybe take a little walk to help clear your mind and breathe in the deep fresh air. Start a new project. Are there any crafts you are interested in? That keeps me busy, busy, busy. Read a good book. Challenge your mind.
And keep coming. We do love you here. This season is so hecktic for everyone trying to finish up their odds and ends. And remember we talked about Plan B earlier tonight. Please don't cancel your plans tomorrow. Go no matter what. Friends and family understand. When I was at my lowest, I let them know. Even if you go for a short while, go anyway. Our HP wants us to do things. That's why you had these plans. Don't let the disappointment of your A take this away from you.
Keep coming,
Love Maria
canadianguy said
Dec 24, 2005
Hey there NSN.... hang in there, things WILL get better.... Nobody can guarantee that they will get better with your A, per se, but things WILL get better for you, as you reach out, and work your program....
One thought, after reading your post..... Reaching out to your A during your time of emotional crisis is likely a case of just making a bad situation worse..... A's are rarely capable of being there for our emotional needs during "normal" periods, and you are currently in a more critical time than 'normal'.
I'm reminded of a quote, that I recall quite often, from a good friend of mine, Gary, who ended up giving into his addiction two years ago, and OD'd at the tender age of 40..... He used to tell me that the "difference between me and him (me being the Al-Anon, he being the addict), was that - when I had a bad day, I could recognize it as such, and knew that there would be better days ahead...... whereas he, as the addict, when he had a bad day, it felt like the world was crashing down around us, and would never get better...
Two final thoughts to share: 1 - please don't refrain from calling your close friends, because they are busy with their lives.... your true "close friends" will be glad you reached out.... 2 - part of your funk right now is too closely tied to your A - please remember that you do NOT need your A & you to survive as a couple, for you to survive as a person.... Work your program, and you will be better off and healthy, REGARDLESS of what he chooses to do or not to do...
I wish you well, and hope that you can find new energy in the morning
Tom
maresie said
Dec 24, 2005
I am so sorry to hear your life is tough right now. I can empathise as I have severe abandonment issues. I have found some help in calling crisis lines. If you keep calling till you get someone who can listen you may find the strength to refocus yourself. What' s wrong with calling they are there to serve you right?
I know when I am in a lot of distress it is very very hard to make it through the day but I have been in lots of distress over and over and over again and I have made it through. For me often when I am incredibly distressed it is about the past being in the present. I don't think anyone can tell us when and how to leave a relationship. Personally I can get very tired of hearing peope dictate when and how I should leave someone. After all I am not their puppet. If you didn't leave before you had your reasons and there is no reason for anyone to judge you on that. Life is not a book of rules dictated by some other person. We all learn stuff in relationships and for some of us it takes a very long time. I don't think that means I am unworthy of living just that I came from a particularly traumatic background that isn't necessarily apparent to others.
I look forward to getting to know you.
Maresie.
Joycie said
Dec 24, 2005
I know exactly how you feel, you are not alone there are thousands of people in your situation. mine is not exactly the same it is my dad that is the alky, but still he has promised he would stop drinking but has yet failed to do so. Yes he is getting help he keeps going back to AA, does he go to AA.
But really I know the feeling of being alone, I am one of 5 girls, and I am the only one that gets so emotional over our father's drinking, and a while back a little over a year ago I started to get suicidal, for real. I started to cut my wrists and whereever else I could get to... it is a bad thing, so please please dont even think about suicidal attempts or anything I could never stand to see someone in the same situation as I was. you try and kill the pain but 90% of the time you only bring more.
anyone feel free to email me anytime at chattergirl686@yahoo.com if you want to talk or need to for that matter I could always use someone to talk to I struggle all the time with accepting the fact that I cannot change my dad or anyone else for that matter, you can only change yourself. email me anytime day or night I reply fast I am online all day.
((((Not))))
This time of year can be so hard, and it can make anyone feel alone.
First of all stop beating yourself up. You do not deserve to be unhappy. Okay you are letting your husbands actions get to you. That's what we Alanoners do. It is time to pick yourslef up, dust yourself off and start worrying about you.
Don't look at the big picture, bills and all, it will drive you nuts. Try and get yourself well enough to get back to work, then take it one day at a time, or one hour at a time if thats all you can manage. Make this a take care of you weekend. Get some rest, treat yourself special and build yourslef back up. Sometimes if you do it right, you can be the very best company for you. Remember, as long as your computer is on, you are not alone, you have all of us.
Love Jeannie
(((notsonew)))
I understand you must be upset now, the holidays are hard. Please go easy on you.
I did say I read the post earlier to you as well. Please don't feel we don't care.
Lots of well wishes -and please keep coming,
tracey
((((((((((((NSN))))))))))))),
I just want to say that you are loved here. I know you haven't been feeling well but do whatever you can for yourself.
"When I got busy, I got better." When you get busy, you help distract your mind. You get things done that need doing and somehow never have the time. Maybe take a little walk to help clear your mind and breathe in the deep fresh air. Start a new project. Are there any crafts you are interested in? That keeps me busy, busy, busy. Read a good book. Challenge your mind.
And keep coming. We do love you here. This season is so hecktic for everyone trying to finish up their odds and ends. And remember we talked about Plan B earlier tonight. Please don't cancel your plans tomorrow. Go no matter what. Friends and family understand. When I was at my lowest, I let them know. Even if you go for a short while, go anyway. Our HP wants us to do things. That's why you had these plans. Don't let the disappointment of your A take this away from you.
Keep coming,
Love Maria
Hey there NSN.... hang in there, things WILL get better.... Nobody can guarantee that they will get better with your A, per se, but things WILL get better for you, as you reach out, and work your program....
One thought, after reading your post..... Reaching out to your A during your time of emotional crisis is likely a case of just making a bad situation worse..... A's are rarely capable of being there for our emotional needs during "normal" periods, and you are currently in a more critical time than 'normal'.
I'm reminded of a quote, that I recall quite often, from a good friend of mine, Gary, who ended up giving into his addiction two years ago, and OD'd at the tender age of 40..... He used to tell me that the "difference between me and him (me being the Al-Anon, he being the addict), was that - when I had a bad day, I could recognize it as such, and knew that there would be better days ahead...... whereas he, as the addict, when he had a bad day, it felt like the world was crashing down around us, and would never get better...
Two final thoughts to share: 1 - please don't refrain from calling your close friends, because they are busy with their lives.... your true "close friends" will be glad you reached out.... 2 - part of your funk right now is too closely tied to your A - please remember that you do NOT need your A & you to survive as a couple, for you to survive as a person.... Work your program, and you will be better off and healthy, REGARDLESS of what he chooses to do or not to do...
I wish you well, and hope that you can find new energy in the morning
Tom
I am so sorry to hear your life is tough right now. I can empathise as I have severe abandonment issues. I have found some help in calling crisis lines. If you keep calling till you get someone who can listen you may find the strength to refocus yourself. What' s wrong with calling they are there to serve you right?
I know when I am in a lot of distress it is very very hard to make it through the day but I have been in lots of distress over and over and over again and I have made it through. For me often when I am incredibly distressed it is about the past being in the present. I don't think anyone can tell us when and how to leave a relationship. Personally I can get very tired of hearing peope dictate when and how I should leave someone. After all I am not their puppet. If you didn't leave before you had your reasons and there is no reason for anyone to judge you on that. Life is not a book of rules dictated by some other person. We all learn stuff in relationships and for some of us it takes a very long time. I don't think that means I am unworthy of living just that I came from a particularly traumatic background that isn't necessarily apparent to others.
I look forward to getting to know you.
Maresie.
I know exactly how you feel, you are not alone there are thousands of people in your situation. mine is not exactly the same it is my dad that is the alky, but still he has promised he would stop drinking but has yet failed to do so. Yes he is getting help he keeps going back to AA, does he go to AA.
But really I know the feeling of being alone, I am one of 5 girls, and I am the only one that gets so emotional over our father's drinking, and a while back a little over a year ago I started to get suicidal, for real. I started to cut my wrists and whereever else I could get to... it is a bad thing, so please please dont even think about suicidal attempts or anything I could never stand to see someone in the same situation as I was. you try and kill the pain but 90% of the time you only bring more.
anyone feel free to email me anytime at chattergirl686@yahoo.com if you want to talk or need to for that matter I could always use someone to talk to I struggle all the time with accepting the fact that I cannot change my dad or anyone else for that matter, you can only change yourself. email me anytime day or night I reply fast I am online all day.
<33 Joycie