my a is making me so mad today. everyday he wants to go over to his moms. all the time. yesterday we went to get christmas stuff and who had to come along? his mom. we rented a bunch of movies to watch together and what did he do? he said we would spend the night watching movies with her because his sister is going out of town tonight and he thinks she might be lonely. but does he think i might be lonely? he is spending the whole day doing errands for other people then going to spend time with his mom. while im here alone. we live in an apartment and dont have washer and dryer and i wanted to do laundry this afternoon at the laundry mat. you can do like four loads and be done in an hour. but what did he suggest. lets do laundry at moms. it will take at least five hours to do laundry there with all the stuff we need to wash. im so sick of going there every single day. or being at home alone. i dont get when i told him to just move there why he wanted to stay living here with me. he spends more time there then here. he comes here to sleep and thats about it. he works then goes to his moms. what is going on here? am i being unreasonable when i get upset about him going there four times a day? im just really annoyed right now. when we go there we just sit and watch tv. they dont even talk cause most of the time she is messed up on pills and doesnt make sense or is falling asleep. i just hate it.

Your A sounds like he is avoiding something by going to his mom's. He sounds like my A who is a love avoidant. Except that he goes to my mom's! I said that doesn't seem right that he spends more time with my mom than his mom and more time then I spend with my mom. There must be a payoff for both our A's. Can you find other people to do things with just for fun like movies? Can you say only do laundry on Monday's - limits? They are very frustrating people to live with.

In support,

Nancy

-- Edited by nmike at 17:15, 2005-12-23

he goes to his mothers to smoke pot together thats one thing. also i tend to get on his case about stuff to be done around here or we fight. but maybe if he were home more often we wouldnt be fighting. most of the fights are about how he is never home. and when i am resentful towards him i find other things to b!!tch about. i need to cut that out and say straight out whats bothering me. i dont mind spending time with his mom but every single day. i cant handle that. and yes i could do other things without him but thats the whole problem i want to do stuff together. rekindle the flame. i cant do that when she always has to come along on dates with us. we cant get intimate and have a romantic evening if she is here or we are there. this is really putting a strain on us and  i dont want to upset him but saying i want him home more or to spend more time ALONE together. i guess i need to say what i mean but not say it mean.

a safe place to get stoned and no one (especially your mate) can expect anything form you? sounds like paradise to my A. I know what you mean about not wanting to rile things up and wanting to make things nice---BUT I think it takes 2. He doesn't seem to share your agenda. He probably just sees you as a heartless b*%#h who doesn't want to hang out with his poor mommy. I have told my A that if I wanted to do stuff by myself or with the kids, why did I marry him? $$ ?(ha) hot sex? (ha ha ha) your sister in the struggle! Jeanne