About a month ago - I sat in a depressed state for days on end wishing I werent alive so I wouldnt feel the pain of leaving the love of my life. I had no desire, no ability to see past that minute, no desire to eat. I dreaded the thought of Christmas - of Christmas shopping and having to do it alone without him in my life. Today - I am so grateful for the kick in the ass my HP gave me to focus on MY life.
About 3 years ago I broke up with a guy I was dating for close to 3 years - 2 years and 350 days of it were miserable and he was verbally abusive and I stayed in for too long. When I broke up with him - I started my life over as a totally new person. I moved out of my parents house 3 weeks later and moved to the house I live in now - scared of the change and being by myself. But I found myself - I found out that I liked who I was and was ok with being alone and actually in some ways really liked it. I spent 2 years alone with no boyfriend which was the first time in over 10 years that I ever did that.
I didnt want to break up with my ex this past November - it was a fantastic relationship - but if I had stayed it would not have been fantastic any longer and at least I can hold on to that fact. I got the best of him - a person noone had ever met before but he couldnt hold up to the expectations he gave himself. He was never abusive - never mean - treated me like a queen but when the drugs came into the picture - I saw that it would have gone down an ugly road. He tried very hard to keep it from me - not let the rage be pointed towards me but it wouldnt have stayed that way much longer.
I am grateful that I never saw that - that I today get to see him in the light of that person who treated me well and was so loving. So now I get to spend Christmas with my family as a renewed person. In 30 days the following has happened: I bought my new business, got a new job, found out I can stay in my current job as part time until April (to finish out the swim season) and get paid full time for it plus keep my benefits till I leave, arranged a trip to Chicago for my birthday and new years, amazingly got all my christmas shopping done. How did this ALL happen in 30 days??
I am so grateful I can go into this Christmas and the New Year with so much joy and excitement. I didnt think that way 30 days ago. If he were still in my life today - I'm not sure I would have been able to do any of this with the determination and strength I needed for it.
Thank you HP - and thank you ALL of you. I have found more strength here than any other place in my life!!
Happy Holidays!!!
Cynthia
just me said
Dec 23, 2005
((((((((((Cyn)))))))))))
You give so much too! Thank you for being here for me. I too have found myself this year. I like being alone too! Irritates the heck out of the current boyfriend! But I realized long ago I need to make me happy first! I am so glad things are going well for you!
Merry Christmas!
Julia
BlueCloud said
Dec 23, 2005
Dear Cyn,
Thanks for the inspiring post! I really needed to hear that kind of hope, strength, and joy today, especially going into the Christmas weekend.
Have a wonderful Holiday!
Bluecloud
Dolphin123 said
Dec 23, 2005
Cyn,
So glad that you can see your HP is working in your life. HP's are always at work with us, but sometimes we can't see it. Hope you have a great holiday season.
About a month ago - I sat in a depressed state for days on end wishing I werent alive so I wouldnt feel the pain of leaving the love of my life. I had no desire, no ability to see past that minute, no desire to eat. I dreaded the thought of Christmas - of Christmas shopping and having to do it alone without him in my life. Today - I am so grateful for the kick in the ass my HP gave me to focus on MY life.
About 3 years ago I broke up with a guy I was dating for close to 3 years - 2 years and 350 days of it were miserable and he was verbally abusive and I stayed in for too long. When I broke up with him - I started my life over as a totally new person. I moved out of my parents house 3 weeks later and moved to the house I live in now - scared of the change and being by myself. But I found myself - I found out that I liked who I was and was ok with being alone and actually in some ways really liked it. I spent 2 years alone with no boyfriend which was the first time in over 10 years that I ever did that.
I didnt want to break up with my ex this past November - it was a fantastic relationship - but if I had stayed it would not have been fantastic any longer and at least I can hold on to that fact. I got the best of him - a person noone had ever met before but he couldnt hold up to the expectations he gave himself. He was never abusive - never mean - treated me like a queen but when the drugs came into the picture - I saw that it would have gone down an ugly road. He tried very hard to keep it from me - not let the rage be pointed towards me but it wouldnt have stayed that way much longer.
I am grateful that I never saw that - that I today get to see him in the light of that person who treated me well and was so loving. So now I get to spend Christmas with my family as a renewed person. In 30 days the following has happened: I bought my new business, got a new job, found out I can stay in my current job as part time until April (to finish out the swim season) and get paid full time for it plus keep my benefits till I leave, arranged a trip to Chicago for my birthday and new years, amazingly got all my christmas shopping done. How did this ALL happen in 30 days??
I am so grateful I can go into this Christmas and the New Year with so much joy and excitement. I didnt think that way 30 days ago. If he were still in my life today - I'm not sure I would have been able to do any of this with the determination and strength I needed for it.
Thank you HP - and thank you ALL of you. I have found more strength here than any other place in my life!!
Happy Holidays!!!
Cynthia
((((((((((Cyn)))))))))))
You give so much too! Thank you for being here for me. I too have found myself this year. I like being alone too! Irritates the heck out of the current boyfriend! But I realized long ago I need to make me happy first! I am so glad things are going well for you!
Merry Christmas!
Julia
Dear Cyn,
Thanks for the inspiring post! I really needed to hear that kind of hope, strength, and joy today
, especially going into the Christmas weekend.
Have a wonderful Holiday!
Bluecloud
Cyn,
So glad that you can see your HP is working in your life. HP's are always at work with us, but sometimes we can't see it. Hope you have a great holiday season.
Much Love,