Well I guess just when you think everything starts to fall into place you get hit by a truck and brought back to reality. Today my car has not been working and has a flat battery. My A came home from work with the sarcastic look on the face and wanting to know where the keys were so he could fix it. I felt like telling him to f///off and don't worry about it as he looked obviously drunk to me. He has not been like this for weeks. I guess I too fell into the same hole as everyone else this week. He has fixed the car I told him he was pissed and trying to pretend he wasn't. That in itself makes me angry when he tries to look sober. I have come straight on to the computer and taking deep breaths. I do not want to speak to him but feel if I don't I am repeating old patterns by shutting myself away from reality. I think I will go down the street do some shopping and then head off to the beach for a walk before it gets dark and get some serenity. We have just booked a holiday and paid for it the first one together in 20 years thought I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Wish I had now saved my part of the holiday money in my account.. I know this too shall pass I am strong and I will get through it. Thanks for listening. Leo xx
Am okay back from drive feeling much calmer staying away from the person who is fuelling my anger. Remembering what is important yesterday HP gave me a clean bill of health every else is insignificant.
-- Edited by leo at 07:03, 2005-12-22
sandie123 said
Dec 22, 2005
Great work Leo! Good job taking care of yourself and not letting his disease feed your fire.
I hope you have a Merry Christmas! Sending you all sorts of good luck and good cheer!
Linda
Diva said
Dec 22, 2005
I hate that this has happened leo. It brings back memories of my own relaxed feeling that all was going to be well, only to be cast into the fire again. UGH!! You are right; your clean bill of health dwarfs whatever is wrong, but we're human, and suffer from the condition of being human. Only God has perfect rationality...and sometimes I even wonder about that! Take care.
With great caring, Diva
nmike said
Dec 22, 2005
Hi Leo,
My A smirks when he is around and I am not at my best and he smirks when he helps me. You know that alcoholic arrogance. Way to walk away when you are angry. Maybe your HP wants you to have a nice holiday! Enjoy.
In support,
Nancy
WakingUp said
Dec 22, 2005
You did great to walk away. That 'working on cars while drunk' thing is difficult. Years ago my A ex-husband screwed the oil filter on crooked and ruined the engine of my car, just as we were in the process of breaking up. NOT a happy memory.
marmare said
Dec 22, 2005
You did great! There are so many times when I want to say something but now am reconginzing that most of the time I want to say something because I am hurting and want to make my "A" see the light. Although he is not drinking/using right now, he still is living that kind of life. No counseling, no treatment, no meetings, makes for no changes. I know this is his stuff and have to remind myself of it. I too go away to find myself and take a break, I feel better afterwords. Take care.
Hugs Mary
nycbt said
Dec 22, 2005
Hi I am going through the same thing with my husband drinking. He comes home late thinking that I am not going to know he disappeared again to get into trouble.
browneyes said
Dec 22, 2005
((((((((((Leo))))))))))))
I too know how that feels when they inevitably relapse. It's like you know thay are going to do it again but that doesn't make it feel any better when they actually do. My husband made it for a whole two weeks this time and is as high as a kite right before Christmas. What can I do except try to live for myself and my kids and hope they have a great time. You did so good just getting away and taking a break. It is better for your sanity even if you still want to yell lol. I am very happy you are healthy. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!! Take care
Love Julie
maresie said
Dec 22, 2005
When my boyfriend goes to grandiosity I very very rarely detach and leave. I go to more and more corrosive levels of rage and contempt and disgust. That has cost me dearly.
I think it is phenomenal you found the place to detach and focus on your needs. It inspires me to work on my own needs. I have physical health issues I am not attending to as well as other short term and long term goals. I can make my boyfriend's issues the elephant in the living room. I actually have my own issues quite separate from my boyfriends that I am loathe to work on. He is such a "mess" that I focus on that and then feel depleted, deprived and rageful.
Maresie.
leo said
Dec 22, 2005
Thanks everyone you guys are the best. I know deep down the underlying issue with me is also the fact that he hasn't even been bothered to ask when my DR's appointment was and how did the tests go. I just texted him and said thanks for being so caring etc. I have let go of it now. I made the mistake of expectations here again and after 20 years I should know that his business etc always comes first. I posted the other day that I focus on me etc and I too don't put him first but yesterday I forgot about me and let his actions alter my thinking. Luv Leo xx
TLC2 said
Dec 23, 2005
Sure can relate! The last time I went to the doc., I started telling him about it, and he basically told me to shut up and make supper! Guess I know where his priorities are!!
Hope you have a nice holiday. These days, I won't let my A ruin mine! If he screws up, I'm going to enjoy myself anyway!! The disease will not win this year!! Hope you have a great time! Love, TLC
Well I guess just when you think everything starts to fall into place you get hit by a truck and brought back to reality. Today my car has not been working and has a flat battery. My A came home from work with the sarcastic look on the face and wanting to know where the keys were so he could fix it. I felt like telling him to f///off and don't worry about it as he looked obviously drunk to me. He has not been like this for weeks. I guess I too fell into the same hole as everyone else this week. He has fixed the car I told him he was pissed and trying to pretend he wasn't. That in itself makes me angry when he tries to look sober. I have come straight on to the computer and taking deep breaths. I do not want to speak to him but feel if I don't I am repeating old patterns by shutting myself away from reality. I think I will go down the street do some shopping and then head off to the beach for a walk before it gets dark and get some serenity. We have just booked a holiday and paid for it the first one together in 20 years thought I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Wish I had now saved my part of the holiday money in my account.. I know this too shall pass I am strong and I will get through it. Thanks for listening. Leo xx
Am okay back from drive feeling much calmer staying away from the person who is fuelling my anger. Remembering what is important yesterday HP gave me a clean bill of health every else is insignificant.
-- Edited by leo at 07:03, 2005-12-22
Hi Leo,
My A smirks when he is around and I am not at my best and he smirks when he helps me. You know that alcoholic arrogance. Way to walk away when you are angry. Maybe your HP wants you to have a nice holiday! Enjoy.
In support,
Nancy
You did great to walk away. That 'working on cars while drunk' thing is difficult. Years ago my A ex-husband screwed the oil filter on crooked and ruined the engine of my car, just as we were in the process of breaking up. NOT a happy memory.
You did great! There are so many times when I want to say something but now am reconginzing that most of the time I want to say something because I am hurting and want to make my "A" see the light. Although he is not drinking/using right now, he still is living that kind of life. No counseling, no treatment, no meetings, makes for no changes. I know this is his stuff and have to remind myself of it. I too go away to find myself and take a break, I feel better afterwords. Take care.
Hugs Mary
((((((((((Leo))))))))))))
I too know how that feels when they inevitably relapse. It's like you know thay are going to do it again but that doesn't make it feel any better when they actually do. My husband made it for a whole two weeks this time and is as high as a kite right before Christmas. What can I do except try to live for myself and my kids and hope they have a great time. You did so good just getting away and taking a break. It is better for your sanity even if you still want to yell lol. I am very happy you are healthy. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!! Take care
Love Julie
When my boyfriend goes to grandiosity I very very rarely detach and leave. I go to more and more corrosive levels of rage and contempt and disgust. That has cost me dearly.
I think it is phenomenal you found the place to detach and focus on your needs. It inspires me to work on my own needs. I have physical health issues I am not attending to as well as other short term and long term goals. I can make my boyfriend's issues the elephant in the living room. I actually have my own issues quite separate from my boyfriends that I am loathe to work on. He is such a "mess" that I focus on that and then feel depleted, deprived and rageful.
Maresie.
Sure can relate! The last time I went to the doc., I started telling him about it, and he basically told me to shut up and make supper! Guess I know where his priorities are!!
Hope you have a nice holiday. These days, I won't let my A ruin mine! If he screws up, I'm going to enjoy myself anyway!! The disease will not win this year!! Hope you have a great time! Love, TLC