Hi Everyone,

Happy Holidays to each of you..I have not been here for quite some time and I must add I do miss it.  The guy I had been seeing still calls me and gives me hope...Just a week ago, he called me and we talked for awhile..I had asked him to come down to visit...but more of the same excuses..he had to work ..the kids..blah blah blah..

I have only seen him once in a year yet I have hung in there as he gave me hope that things would resolve on his end with his step kids and the divorce he went through...I was patient and there for him through all of it..Last week when we talked, he did say that he led me on, was an @sshole, and that he had hurt me and that I was too nice of a person and that he did not want to hurt me no more....funny thing is though, he has not done anything to treat me better.  Then added, that he wanted me to be his friend for ever ... I just don't feel I can be just a friend to him..I have these feelings for him that I have been fighting for so long and am trying to get over him..maybe it is the phone calls he makes to me that I can't seem to shed light on all of this and move on..

I try to take care of myself...somedays it is so difficult..I treat people kind and am honest, and that is all I had hoped for with him.  I know he is not honest...probably never was and all the sweet things he said to me was a dam lie..how could I have been so stupid...???? why did I not see that ugly side of him?? I am not a needy woman nor do I need a man to survive...But I trusted and believed in him with my whole heart.  I am feeling so down and betrayed...Hopefully, God will let my heart heal and things will start to get better in my life. 

I did find a job a couple weeks ago and am thankful for that...it does keep me busy and take my mind off of him..

I wish you all a blessed Christmas!

 

Your friend in recovery, Diana

 

Hi Diana,

I can relate to feeling alone - just me & my dog - don't need a man either.  Sometimes I think about it for a minute & then I remember what a pain they are & wake up to reality.  I'm not in a place I'm ready for a relationship having been divorced, raised a kid & dated lots of A's.  I may never be in a bf relationship again & most of the time that's ok with me.  Christmas is a hard time whether your in one or not or in limbo & if you grew up in a dysfunctional family, have A's in you life - we'll you get the picture.  I would encourage you not to beat yourself up.  This is a learning process.  I will say the men in recovery I know have some good qualities that give me hope.  I don't have much advice, I just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Hugs to you in recovery,

Cedarpines 

-- Edited by cedarpines at 00:06, 2005-12-22

(((diane))) i've been bitten like that before, too, and it felt terrible at the time. all i can think is, it must have been what i needed at the time. and then i hit a point where it wasn't what i needed anymore. wants and needs are two different things, i think, and they often fight each other. when i would obsessively think about what it was and wasn't, i would try to imagine myself putting all those thoughts in a box and putting them on a shelf for my HP to show me how to handle in his time. a couple of weeks ago i lost feeling in my hand. a friend suggested i go to a chiropractor, and i did. she took x rays and showed me where a couple of vertebrae were twisted and in danger of fusing together, which would have been a much bigger problem than my hand going temporarily numb. now i get the chance to fix that problem. i started thinking this was an example of my HP looking out for me, bringing my attention to a problem before it became something bigger. i think that's what also happened for me in that particular relationship, in retrospect. be glad you see what you see and you know what you know. feelings pass, and you will be okay no matter what. :) enjoy your holidays! kristen

Hi Diane,

I feel alone too. My A moved out this summer. First Christmas without him here. But you know it might be better alone than with someone who can't tell the truth like my A. We have each other in Alanon. The support is great!

Happy holidays to you.

In support,

Nancy

Hi Diane,

Boy can I relate to how you are feeling right now.  I have had this same senario happen to me, and more than once.  The last time, it hurt so bad that I had to tell the guy to please stop calling me.  He respected my wishes, and while it was hard for me to accept that the relationship was not going to materialize and he did not love me I had to go on for me.  It took many months of crying, journaling, and prayer, but I was able to move on and begin dating again.  This person was my best friend, but now I can see that I met him when he was in a state of crisis and my nature is to help... I help too much though, I'm a codependent and people that need help, love, caring, nurturing and companionship gravatate towards me.  I have learned now that all these things make a relationship strong, except the other person is able to give that stuff back and give it to him/herself.  Sounds like your friend enjoys that side in you, but is unable to give it back to you.  Be careful, for me I gave so freely because I thought that would keep him around, make him love me, etc.  but it didn't I ended up empty and miserable. 

Focus on you and what you want out of life and with a partner.  You'll get through this and something great will be on the horizon for you. 

Take care, and Merry Christmas

Twinmom~

Diana: I can get myself very  very confused and uptight about what people say and what they mean.  A friend recently I reconnected with volunteered that she was "there for me". She offered her telephone number, she stated it many many times. I did not ask for it.  Here it is the holidays and she is not answering my emails.  I gave it a shot and she is not what she says.

 

Now normally I would be off in a rage about it.  Now I am not.  I merely try to look at my needs and work on it.  I am powerless over whatever it is that seems to compel her to say one thing and mean another.  I am not going to even indulge my little fantasy of confronting her either.  I just let go and let God.  That is one small smidgeon of what I have to do each day and put the focus back on me to take care of my needs.  I desperately want some magical relationship something to make it up for me.  I just have to keep putting the focus back on me.  I know my life is better than it was and I just keep on trying to make it better in a one day at a time way.

Maresie.

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for your kind words and support..I know I will get through this some how..This time of year for me can be so lonely..but yet at the same time, being involved with someone who is emotionally bankrupt can be worse..

I went to co-dependent classes and know I have a very kind, caring side to me and have been taken advantage of by alcoholic men..I need to set my boundaries, focus on myself and take one day at a time..

I had only dated this one guy in last 5 years, so I know I can make it on my own.  His alcoholic behavior has gotten worse and I will not let two lives go down the drain.. so now I must make a decision, do I ignore his calls or just point blank tell him to stop calling me..I know God will lead me down the right path. 

Once again, thanks for being there ... Merry Christmas   Gnite

In recovery, Diane