Well, here I am again.  Last night my A decided it was time for him to make "amends" with my father and he went to see him.  Aplogized for everything and took the blame for our separation...yada, yada yada....I was not at all in support of this I didnot feel that he was in the right place to do so...he went anyway.  My father was supportive and loving to my A  and he called me to tell me how happy he was that my A finally came to see him. This morning I called my A to see how it went. Phone off. Called his job....no show. Out on a run again.  Called me at 2 pm.  I want to go to rehab. I lost all sight of my boundaries and went to get him.  His appointment is for 11:30 tonight. He is lying on my couch now drying out....Now, WHY did I do this? I have been down this road too many times these past few months and he never sticks to it. Why am I still here?  Why do I still care? He has lied, cheated and broken every word...and still I am here. I am not angry, I am not sad. I am numb. My birthday was ruined, Thanksgiving, now Christmas.......I am going to try and have a good holiday. I am going to try to enjoy my family.....I am going to try to detach. Please help.

Hi Kim,

Don't be so hard on yourself.  Book him in to re-hab as you planned and then start the detachment process again.  It will be much easier for you to deal with once he is in there.  You can start to think clearly again and put your boundaries in place for you to look after your priorities once again.  Stay focused on what you had planned for Xmas and enjoy it.  Luv Leo xx

-- Edited by leo at 20:23, 2005-12-21

HELLO KIM , WE ARE ALWAYS HOPING THIS TIME HE MEANT IT, AND YOU NEVER KNOW MAYBE HE DOES  TIME WILL TELL. BUT THAT IS ABOUT HIM . GET THE FOCUS BACK ON YOU AND YOUR NEEDS SO THAT SOBER OR NOT YOU WILL BE OKAY.

IT'S OK TO LOVE AN ALCOHOLIC KIM , THIS TIME JUST SAVE A LITTLE OF YOURSELF - FOR YOURSELF.   lOUISE

Hi Kim: I can certainly empathize with trying to save others. Learning boundaries and to give up on rescuing in particular (my lifelong role) has been very very difficult for me. I have had tremendous consequences. I work on it daily.

 

Maresie.

Kim,

Hang in there and remember that it's about progress not perfection. So you feel like you made a mistake? Who said you're not allowed to? Who promised anyone that recovery is a smooth road with no detours? At least you see when you are 'slipping.' Were you able to see that a year ago? To me just being aware of this kind of stuff shows major progress.

Your post got me thinking; I think I'll follow my own advice and really keep an eye on the expectations I have of myself and others. And work harder on letting go and handing it all over to my HP.

Lou

Hi Kim, Going through a MAJOR run around with my 'a' whom I am separated from as well. The other day I went for a long walk, prayed to my higher power, confessed ALL my emotions, all of them --- then I asked him for joy!! Ask your higher power for joy, do not give your 'a' any more power, do not LET him ruin this holiday. It IS not his to ruin!! HUGS!!! Angie

Kim, Holy Cow you're human! And here I thoght I was the only "perfect" one amongst us! NOT! You made a mistake. It's an easy one to make. We want our A's to get better so of course we help them. There is nothing wrong with taking him. Just lower you expectations after that. If he stays, he stays (I hope so). If not, nothing you can do about it. Once he's in, refocus on you. Nobody said that our recovery wasn't filled with hiccups just as an addict's can be. I think sometimes because we don't have the additional strain of a chemical addiction in our brain, it's easier to fall into old habits. The good thing about falling, is that we can always get back up. So cut yourself some slack, take a deep breath, and start again. Chirstmas my friend lives in one's heart. As long as it's there, no one can take it away from you. The holidays are hard but the love of Christmas or Kwanza or Channukah comes from within. Merry Christmas! Live strong, Karilynn

(((((((((Kim))))))))))

I just want you to know that you have all of my support.  Just remember, "progress, not perfection" and you will know that you are doing the best that you can.  Keep focusing on taking those baby steps and you are right where you are suposed to be.  Is that enough slogans for ya, lol?  But seriously Kim you are doing very well so be gentle with yourself and take care when he is away.  Good wishes to you this Christmas and a Happy New Year!! You never know what life will bring you!

Love, Julie

Dear Kim, You know the answers to your questions, it is because you love him, want him to be the same person he was, once. So, you gave in, did the things you did not want to do, well, most of us have done that too. You not alone. Each day, you can make a new start. Just for today, put yourself first, his problems are his problems.... you can not fix them. Thank you so much for posting, keep coming here, and to chat room, you will find, we all do these things.... when you are strong, and able to move on, you will help others, and find help for yourself. Take it easy, be kind to yourself, you are worth it. Lots of love, Flora xxxx