My husband and I have been seperated now for 6 weeks and I have been having the time of my life. I got married the first time around at a very young age and had kids young and then got involved with my current husband so I haven't really ever "lived". Here's the thing, my husband and I have agreed that we just can't live together and he wants us to be friends. But he has been calling me alot here lately and he wants to be friends with benefits so to speak. He says that he still wants to be a big part of my life. I don't know that this is a good idea. I love my husband but I left him for a reason and I feel that even though I would love for our seperation and divorce to be amicable if we do this that one of us are bound to get hurt down the road. I am scared that by doing this that the emotional ties will not be cut and I will be left vunerable in the future to be hurt. I am also afraid that my husband will not be able to do this for long before he will want me to come home and I am not going back and I don't want to hurt him either. Has anyone else been in this situation and made it work?
Thanks,
Julie
pixel04 said
Dec 21, 2005
Julie,
I haven't been in this situation with an ex husband, but I have been in it with an "ex" boyfriend. Neither one of us was dating anyone else, but eventually the emotional strain of it did get to me. That's just my personal experience. I suggest you trust your gut - figure out what it's telling you and go with it. I'm learning to trust my gut more and more these days and it rarely disappoints me.
Good luck, Kristen
leo said
Dec 21, 2005
Hi Jules,
I haven't experienced this myself but my friend has. I gather what you are saying is he would like the fringe benefits so to speak by still having a physical relationship with you when he chooses. There may not be any emotional attachment to it where he is concerned but there definitely is when you are a female. Stay strong don't let your guard down when you are feeling vulnerable. Set the relationship on your terms you can do it. Marry Xmas. Luv Leo x
abbyal said
Dec 21, 2005
Hi Julie , I have many men friends and I don't sleep with any of them. The decission to stay in a intimate relationship with you husb , seperated or not is up to you , no one elses business. Just tke care of yourself.
Oh and it's not the first time I have heard of this kind of arrangement. so one more time were not unique . damn Good luck Louise
maresie said
Dec 21, 2005
Hi Julie: I think separation and eventual divorce is very difficult stuff. I just commented to a friend of mine recently that I do not know how to date. Nevertheless there is a trait/pattern of mine to get very very involved very quickly. I do this across the board in friendships/work situations and more. Learning to detach, set boundaries, focus on my needs is hard. I grew up in a very very dysfunctional family and my needs were never honored. There are days when I struggle to find out just what they are.
My husband and I have been seperated now for 6 weeks and I have been having the time of my life. I got married the first time around at a very young age and had kids young and then got involved with my current husband so I haven't really ever "lived". Here's the thing, my husband and I have agreed that we just can't live together and he wants us to be friends. But he has been calling me alot here lately and he wants to be friends with benefits so to speak. He says that he still wants to be a big part of my life. I don't know that this is a good idea. I love my husband but I left him for a reason and I feel that even though I would love for our seperation and divorce to be amicable if we do this that one of us are bound to get hurt down the road. I am scared that by doing this that the emotional ties will not be cut and I will be left vunerable in the future to be hurt. I am also afraid that my husband will not be able to do this for long before he will want me to come home and I am not going back and I don't want to hurt him either. Has anyone else been in this situation and made it work?
Thanks,
Julie
Julie,
I haven't been in this situation with an ex husband, but I have been in it with an "ex" boyfriend. Neither one of us was dating anyone else, but eventually the emotional strain of it did get to me. That's just my personal experience. I suggest you trust your gut - figure out what it's telling you and go with it. I'm learning to trust my gut more and more these days and it rarely disappoints me.
Good luck,
Kristen
Hi Jules,
I haven't experienced this myself but my friend has. I gather what you are saying is he would like the fringe benefits so to speak by still having a physical relationship with you when he chooses. There may not be any emotional attachment to it where he is concerned but there definitely is when you are a female. Stay strong don't let your guard down when you are feeling vulnerable. Set the relationship on your terms you can do it. Marry Xmas. Luv Leo x
Hi Julie , I have many men friends and I don't sleep with any of them.
The decission to stay in a intimate relationship with you husb , seperated or not is up to you , no one elses business. Just tke care of yourself.
Oh and it's not the first time I have heard of this kind of arrangement. so one more time were not unique . damn Good luck Louise
Hi Julie: I think separation and eventual divorce is very difficult stuff. I just commented to a friend of mine recently that I do not know how to date. Nevertheless there is a trait/pattern of mine to get very very involved very quickly. I do this across the board in friendships/work situations and more. Learning to detach, set boundaries, focus on my needs is hard. I grew up in a very very dysfunctional family and my needs were never honored. There are days when I struggle to find out just what they are.
Maresie.