i was just thinking a bit and reading replies and i came to the thought that i think im scared because as ive said before im seeing life more clearly now and how things really are and am practicing in baby steps letgo/let god. i think im scared to do this. im scared of the changes im making. im scared im realizing my a might not be for me. im in denial even as i type that. but i know im not ready to call it quits yet. i will know when i know. its pretty freaky to see things in a new light that ive never noticed before or at least wouldnt let myself notice. the truth is i dont believe my a will get sober. i believe there is many more relapses to come. but what im going through right now is figuring out whether or not i will stand by his side through this or bail. i dont know. of course i hope he will do all he says he's going to but im skeptical. the answer will come when god wants me to hear it. last night before i went to bed i wrote a letter to god saying everything that was on my mind. i told him im handing this all over to you so i can sleep. i fell asleep right after i put my journal down. im still amazingly calm through all of this. but still have the feeling of some sort of change coming into play. i guess i will find out soon. when im ready that is. ty all for your loving support it means so much.

Dear ((((((((Notsonew)))))))):

I really liked your letter to God idea! I have some things on my mind, too, and the letter might be the perfect vehicle to communicate That way, I can really get in touch with my own feelings and thoughts as I write instead of just letting them swirl around inside me. It sounds like you're really beginning to focus on and take care of YOU! Good for you! Keep up the good work

Bluecloud