Hello everyone, I'm writing here and I'm scared but I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because I'm afraid that what is going on in my crazy world doesn't belong here. I've been going to site after site trying to find out if I should belong to Al-anon and I'm starting to think I am. But I don't know. This might be long but hopefully I'll have some clarity or know what I'm meant to do. Maybe you can help. I have had a life filled with alcoholics in my family and I refused to go down that path. when I realized last year I was dating one, I immediately ended it and continued on with my life. However two months after the break up I heard he was sick and in rehab. So I called. 9 months later we're living together. he's drinking again. Tonight was my best friends leaving party. She's graduating from our university and moving back to the states (we go to school in London). I asked him to come with me becaues he feels I don't include him enough in my social life. Everytime he went to the bar he'd come back with maybe a drink for me, I was drinking slowly, and two pints for him. I calculated that for every drink I had he had three. He got a little too sensitive and after I nicely asked him to watch his drinking he stormed off and when he tried to get back in the door man wouldn't let him. When I finally got a hold of him he was walking "somewhere" and didn't know how to get back cause he couldn't remember. When I finally found him he told me the same story more then once forgetting that he had told me before. This isn't the first time things have happened and tonight was the most mild. It has all just been pilling up and I finally broke. I finally realized that maybe he does have a problem and I know its effecting me...severely. I don't know how I'm meant to handle all of this. I don't want to be overbearing because, even when sober, he gets extremely defensive saying "why is everyone getting on me about this", but I know I can't just let it slide. I'm scared and tired and I don't know what to do.

Hanna,

Hugs and welcome!  You are in the right place.  If you felt the need to look for help and answers to your problems, you are definately in the right place.  When thinking of all of the alcoholics in your life; remember this key phrase because you will hear it over and over again...You didn't cause it, You can't control it and You can't cure it.  (The three Cs)  Watching how much he drinks and trying to talk to him about it will not help.  Addicts/alcoholics will not stop drinking until they get help and they won't get help until they realize it on their own.  They have to want the help.  Alanon has helped me to realize that I have to focus on me and not my husband, who is a polysubstance abuser.  I can't help him because it's almost more than I can bear to deal with the insanity in my life and chaos caused by my own behaviors.  Please keep coming back.  you will learn so much and get better.  Try the chat room and step board when you are ready.  You can join the chat room and just listen to others until you feel comfortable.

Again, welcome and keep coming back!!

Welcome Hanna (((hugs)))

You are in the right place, Alanon is for those effected by this disease and for one alcoholic there are at least 6 that are effected (usually).  I, too, was confused when I came here, not knowing if I was being too sensitive and wondering what the hell was wrong with me.  Turns out I was reacting to the disease. 

Hope you find some comfort in knowing you aren't alone in this and with the tools of alanon, it does get better. 

Your friend, Christine

Hello Hanna  your definetly in the right place , here is the toll free number for al anon info in your area, 1-888-4alanon the lines are open from 8am to pm  mon thru friday  eastern time.

try our chat room too  but for your sake please find f2f meetings  your going to need support . 

goodluck Louise

Hi Hanna,

We are here for you whenever you need us.   Luv Leo

You are definately in the right place, and welcome. In alanon we are people who have been or are being affected by anothers drinking. Usually when we think there is a problem there is one. For me I lived in denial for a very long time thinking my A (alcoholic) would change , or I could do the impossible that I could change him! If you think Alanon is for you, it usually is, and we can help. I agree with Abbyal, I would also suggest you find an alanon meeting, it will definately help, because if can help a stubborn old goat like me, it can help anyone. Glad you are here,,,,,,,,,gardengal

Welcome Hanna!  I think you are in the right place too.  I have found help & hope here, and I hope you will too.  {{{{{Hugs}}}}}}

Dear Hanna, Welcome to alanon. Think you mean London, England, if so, ring 020 7403 0888 - meetings in London every day of the week - come to the Richmond (Fri)!!!! If you send me a private message, I will give you my phone number. I think the helpline closes at around 10pm, but, you will be switched through to an out of hours no. Keep in touch, you in the right place, (even if London is not London, England, lol) Lots of love, Flora xxxxx