well here i am and its 1am. my friend just left and now im alone. the only way i got through tonight was by lying to myself. i called my a and told him i wanted to talk to him when my friend left and would call him later. i wanted him to come home tonight. i knew that wouldnt happened but made myself believe he would come home and everything would be ok. thats what kept me going and actually not spending the whole night thinking about him. thats sad isnt it. so i called his cell and surprise surprise no answer. dont know if he really is sleeping or if hes out partying again. i want to be there for him because iknow he wants to be sober but i dont want to get hurt again. i recently asked myself to really look at wedding vows and ask myself if i could be there through sickness and health. i want to marry him (the sober him) but see right now that i couldnt honor the vows because im obviously not standing by him through his sickness right now. why am i holding onto something that i know i should let go of? am i getting numb to this or what? he screwed up why am i calling him? why do i want him to come home? i love this man so friggin much and dont want to lose him but i think i am. will i be ok on my own? i hope i can see better tomorrow. ive had a headache for four days now and havnt eaten more then one meal (if you can call it that) in over  a week. im getting worried. i just dont feel right. even before this happened with my a and things were fine something is going on with me.  just dont know what it is. i feel right now like the whole world is existing without me and i am alone. nothing seems real to me right now. i feel like i dont have a job even though i do but have been neglecting it. i feel like its just me and hp. feels like everything in my life has kind of just stopped and im standing here waiting for someone to tell me what my next move should be. i feel like im supposed to be waiting for something.but what?

Get yourself to a doctor.  You are neglecting yourself while you are concentrating on your A's problems.  You will fall in a heap if you don't start to look after you.  Already you are not eating properly.  Tell your GP what you are experiencing there is help out there all you have to do is ask for it.  Keep posting to us so we know you are alright.  Luv Leo xx

Hi not

I agree with Leo

Go to the Dr. Tell him what is going on.

 

It sounds like depression to me.

This is very treatable.

Did you sleep?
What can you do today for yourself? How about going for a walk and getting out in the fresh air.

Remember, nothing has to be all decided in one day.

Take the pressure off yourself.

Do something nice. Did you see John's presentation on anger? It is helpful

In support

Megan

((((((((((((((NSN))))))))))))))),

I can relate to that "not taking care of myself" during crisis.  When I first separated from my husband, I dropped down to 92 lbs and began looking skeletal.  Like you, I just could not eat due to the stress.  Fortunately at the time, I lived with my sister (a nurse) who got me to eat even just two bites of toast 3 times a day because my stomach was protesting.  Not only that, Alanon and the tools it gave me got me to realize I was self-destructing.  First things first ~ little by little things began to improve.  Get to a meeting, my dear.  Call your sponsor, daily.  Do whatever you have to do to keep you and your mind busy.  When I got busy, I got better.  Go to the library and sit in peace and read a good book.  Reach out to friends.  It's amazing how supportive everyone was to me when I finally told them how I was hurting.  Clean the house (ha ha).  I find that cathartic and takes time keeping me busy.  Even better - put on some hopping type music while you clean :) - it gets me "revved up"  Well I could keep going as you can see but only you have the power within yourself to do what needs to be done.  It's time to "let go" of what the A is or isn't doing hon and take good care of you.  You are the most important person in your life.

love ya,

Maria

Hello not , well obsession is something to be worked on here.  When we think more of othes lives than what they are doing to us we just get sicker.  Letting go of the obsession of someone elses life takes time and practice it certainly dosnet happen all by it't self  and dosent take nearly as much energy as changing someone else can . hehe   Get the focus back where it belongs on you , there is nothing yo can do about him .

Phoneing him  fifty times a day  only pisses him off and frustrates you , meanwhile they look just fine and we look like idiots

We cannot control other people , or make th em treat us the way we want them too.  Your job is to treat yorself like your own best friend.    start today  do something nice for yourself . and forget about what he is up to for awhile .  You just might like the way it makes u feel