I am glad that I have been able to laugh at it all - cause I really could be bottoming out on my floor right now.  I have spent the last two months ignoring my own life and now picking up the pieces and doing something about it.  The one thing I was SERIOUSLY STILL neglecting for the last month has been my finances - scared SHITLESS about what I would find when I finally would look at my statement.  First of all - I am definitely not good about putting my paycheck in my account in enough time and I then cross my fingers that there is enough money.  Well yesterday my debit card was declined - UH-OH!!  I deposited my paycheck at that moment and waited till today to look and saw I bounced my rent check...I have NEVER BOUNCED A CHECK BEFORE!!!  So I called my landlord to let him know it bounced today (of course!) and he gave me a lecture about it - telling me this was the second time. Not only did it annoy me since I was calling HIM to let him know about it after he deposited my rent check two weeks after I gave it to him.  I was informing him that it had bounced and that there IS money in the account and I was apologizing for it.  But in addition he was telling me this is the second time - but the FIRST time which was in April I wrote the check accidentally from the wrong checking account which I had closed MONTHS before - and called him that night when I sent it telling him NOT to deposit it and to deposit the one I just sent to him instead - and he ignored the message and depositted it anyway telling me I didnt tell him enough time which was bullshit (by the way my landlord is a jerk and we had NO heat last winter because he wouldnt fix the furnace).

Well I finally dealt with the ONE thing I was scared out of my mind to deal with this month - my finances and I could be freaking out at the moment that I will be having a very hard time for the next two months catching up with what I neglected with the past two months of my life.  At this point - I REALLY pray I get this new job so I can do both that job and my current one from January - April and increase my pay enough to get a little bit ahead of the game.  In addition - I am SOOOOO grateful for my new business since that is an extra 500-600 dollars a month in salary that I will be paying myself.  However I really do need to lay alot of money out ahead of time on my credit card for it.  I am also so grateful to not be in a relationship with my ex at the moment because there is NO WAY I could have afforded that at this point.  Spending 15 dollars each time I went to visit him on tolls across the bridges in NY/NJ was killing me in addition to the gas prices that were SOOOOOO high this summer.  Its finally catching up to me.I also THANK GOD made extra cash this summer doing private lessons and spent most of it paying off a credit card - but I put away 1000.00 in a savings account for Christmas gifts.  I also have been neglecting to submit my reimbursements for travel for work so I have about 2 months of swim meets to get reimbursed for.

So as of tonight I have finally stopped avoiding the financial issues I have been avoiding since my breakup with my ex.  I paid the rediculously high phone bill I have (which I avoided FOREVER) and paid my student loans which I have neglected for two months.  I have three more VERY important issues to deal with early next week - 1. find my insurance card so I can submit the bill from when I broke my arm in October, 2. submit my therapists bill to my insurance company (need the card for that too!), 3. get verizon to send me a new broadband card since mine has been broken for the past month and I havent dealt with THAT either and I am paying through my nose for service I havent had.

In some ways I feel like the pressure is off my chest with this.  I was so scared - and eventually I was going to need to deal with this.  Now I have one less thing preying on my mind - a pretty HUGE thing.

Wow - that was long! 

Hey Cyn,

Reading your share made me think of Tradition Four...autonomy...and what a good example your share is of putting that into practice.  In Paths to Recovery it says "Autonomy refers to the right of self-government..."  In facing your fear of dealing with finances, you accomplish so much.  Relieving the stress of worrying about doing it, getting to feel the sense of accomplishment in doing it, taking control of your financial life, etc.  Instead of pushing it all aside, you are looking at it and saying ok, here is where I stand now financially and this is what I need to do.  That's great!!  You got a game plan now! Way to go!  Great share, thanks!

Luv, Kis

Hello Cyn,

Not sure if God has a sense of humor but I am sure you have had one heck of a busy day or week! I try to find the humor in things whenever possible. I ditto what kis said and think you are doing the best you can right now with what you have :) your friend in recovery, cdb :)

I'm laughing Cyn because you sound like me w/ the finances.  I'm actually good w/ the finances when I can keep my nose to the grind stone.  I track finances in Quicken, I do budgets.  But when feces hits the fan, I can't bear to look.

My wife was bitching about this to a counselor and she said point blank.  Your finances are stressful, this is a common dysfunctional coping reaction to it.  Wow, that lady actually understood me.  I'm not saying it's right how I operate, but at least someone understood.

Bob

You're not the only one who avoids things she doesn't want to face. It does feel good, though, when you can force yourself to go there - so often it isn't quite as bad as you feared. Just a word - don't put off filing those claims too long - sometimes there is a cutoff date. (found out from bitter experience)