my a is so selfesh, insensitive and igornoant. the list goes on and on. today one of our gerbils died. i called him at work and told him and he was sad and like what do we do with the body. i have had tons of gerbils before and disposed of them in manners that just made me feel horrible. so today i brought her to a crematorium for pets. the whole way there, which was on the other side of town my a screamed and called me every name in the book just because of traffic. he's been sober about a month now and i think hes probably wanting that drink again. i yelled and screamed back and put it right in his face that i have nothing to do with how he is feeling right now and for him to quit treating me like sh*t. anyways i needed to run some errands after and he was aware of this but he just continued to wear me down until i was bawling my head off therefore couldnt go out in public looking like i got hit by a truck. he clearly didnt want to go run the errands, so he succeded in manipulating me. on top of that he said he needed to get away from ME. i never did anything. so he ran to his moms again as usual. i am just so pissed right now and dont know how to remain calm when he throws crap at me like this. i feel like im dealing with a two year old.

They can be such buttheads, right?  I am sorry to hear about your gerbil and your bad day.  Keep in mind that he prbably is craving and his emotions are starting to come back to them and he's realizing he has to deal with them without chemicals, like we've been doing all along.  Some of the symptoms that appear after someone is newly sober is irritability and depression.  Remember, just like his drinking/using has nothing to do with you, these feelings don't have anything to do with you either.  It will get better.  Remember to keep your focus on you.  You're doing great 

Sorry to hear about your day, sounds like it was horrible. I remember those emotionally draining days. I feel like my a doesn't react nicley when the lime light is off of him. He doesn't know how to react to others raw emotions. So he reacts the way he knows how and thats miserable so he can become back in the victim role. Isn't that what your a tried to do? since your staying with him and trying to support him you have to try and understand that he's trying to learn a new way of living, it's like a child. Things are new and he can't just jump in and become normal. He has to gradually learn. It might have been overwhelming so he used the only protective mechanism he had, anger. I hope you made it through ok. RIP little gerbil. Hope tomorrow is better for you.

((((new)))),

I'm so sorry to hear about your beloved gerbil!  I have pets and it makes me so sad when they pass away.  They are like family to me, and I certainly understand your pain.  I do bury them, and I think you're doing the right thing not just "disposing" of it.

About your A, just remember you can't be logical or even half communicate with him, even when he is sober.  He doesn't have the mindset of a non-addict, and he can't begin to communicate with you until he has the tools and the longevity of sobriety under his belt.  It will take strength on your part to deal with his rantings and his irrational behavior.  You are NOT at fault, he is just using his old ways to deal with situations. 

Hang in there, and email if you need to talk more.

love,

kathi

Hi I am in Australia what is a gerbil is it like a guinea pig?  I love animals and I feel for you because it can be like losing a member of your family.  Sometimes men can just be a...holes whether they are drinking or not.  You brought your Gerbil lots of love that is all that matters.  Shift the focus back to you.  Luv Leo xx

lolol leo.. a gerbil is like a mouse but a little bit bigger, or a hamster with a tail just like the picture by my name. you made me smile

 

Hello notsonew,

All I know is this situation sounds like many I have had with my spouse. Now that I am better at remaining calm and letting things go in one ear and out the next in the car, it has helped. You did what you could today. You learned and now when things happen again, it will be must easier for you. IT sounds like you took care of you the best you could for today. Babysteps. And posting about it too is how we learn by reading what we wrote and reading the replies. I think you will get stronger and happier everyday. :) So sorry about your gerbil :( (((((gerbil))))) cdb