I am trying to concentrate on my Bipolar since I went to my doctor's last week, it's hard to juggle the alcoholic and the bipolar at the same time. He put me on Depakote, but I won't take it because of the weight gain and hair loss. I am staying away from my A since he has been doing nothing but drinking, he even went to a hotel room one night, spent 100 bucks on the room and called me 9 times at 8 in the morning when I had to work at 2:45. I have made a difficult decision, I am 12,000 in credit card debt, I pay rent, utilities etc. Now I have dental bills coming up that are going to be a bit over 1000 bucks. I feel hopeless, but my parents said I can move back in with them when my lease is up, which means all of my furniture goes in storage and I am sharing the upstairs with a moody 13 year old nephew (seperate rooms of course). My mother is doing her 90 meetings in 90 days, but I really just want to get away from alcoholics all together. But the fact is, I can't make it on my own. I have never missed a bill and the thought of ever being late on one terrifies mme (I used towork in collections). So yes, this 29 year old is moving back home, a failure. This was the first time I have ever been on my own and I moved Him back into my life and apartment, I used to like it there, now I stay away. Yep, I stay away from my own apartment. I guess things could be worse and at least I do have parents to turn to. I just need hugs and a winning lotto ticket.

Evilynn:

First you aren't a failure.  Whatever happens you will make the best decision for your own survival. Second, at 29 if you were to move home you wouldn't be much different  than alot of people.  I was in and out of my home with my mom until I was 27, I know many people due to the high cost of housing where I am in NY that are still home in their 30's. But I also know that is hard to go back when you've been out on your own.  You will be OK not matter what your decision....keep working your program, keep focusing on you and your own issues and it will work out in the end. Good luck...

 

~Kim

Thank you Kim, I do have the benefits of spending more time with my family which was always important to me. Moving away to the city just made me feel isolated and depressed, especially when the constant person in my life is struggling with this disease. I am at my parents all the time anyway...You did make me feel better thank you

Moving back home certainly does not make you a failure.  You are removing yourself from an unhappy/unhealthy situation and that in itself is a good thing.  Noone says you have to stay with mom forever, it's just a temporary solution that will give you time to decide what your next move will be.

I know it's hard to be grateful when we're upset and angry, but you can be grateful that you have a moms house to move into.  My mom passed away 19 years ago today and I still miss her greatly.  So what you have is definately something to be grateful for :)

You are right, I should be grateful. I can't imagine losing either of my beloved parents and I should stop feeling sorry for myself. Something strange happened to me when I checked my messages. It was a job prospect that is close to me in the city. Is that my higher power talking? I wanted this job over the summer and for some reason never heard from them after the interview. I reapplied a few times and now I get a call. Maybe if there is more money in it I can remove the unhealthy person and stay where I am. I just gotmy benefits with this job and this other job pays 100% of your benefits. I am really confused now.

Evilynn, you are not a failure, no matter what. There is no situation too hopeless (although it can feel like it). Someone once told me that self worth equals net worth, in that if you start to feel better about yourself (but not arrogrant, of course) that good things will happen and eventually one thing will lead to another in a way that will create money.  It could be lots of things-- a new way to save some money, a new friend who fills a need so that you can stay away from other influences, a better or different job, etc.  Sounds a little fairy-tale, but I have been in severe debt and this philosophy has helped me deal as well as I can-- in the grand scheme of things bills are important but not deadly.  I have kept a roof over my head and that is very important to me.  I'm sorry, I know I sound very preachy.  I am new to Al-Anon so I am just trying to move forward myself.  I fight the "I'm not keeping up" with my recovery feeling all the time.  For me, I know that thinking that way or letting myself concentrate on how things "should" be is a losing battle for me... if I had my way, everyone would have a home, enough money to eat and live, health insurance, transportation, satisfying jobs, and a whole host of things... while I can hope this will happen, it is not likely to happen now, which is what I need to focus on.  I just try to keep thinking that there must be something good for me (and you!) right around the corner. Hope we meet up again.